Chapter Eighteen

I must’ve dozed off in Cam’s arms. When I open my eyes, he’s looking down at me. I give him a small smile.

“I fell asleep.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For crying, for being such bad company.”

“You’re the only company I want.”

“Am I?”

“Always.”

“Even if the baby’s yours?”

He closes his eyes for a long moment. “Whether I’m the father of that baby or not makes absolutely no difference to you and me. Other than it will be just another thing for us to work through.”

“D’ya think we can do it? D’ya think we’re strong enough, ready enough for this?”

He shrugs. “If we want it bad enough.” I nod. I need to wee badly, but I’m so warm and comfy, I don’t want to move.

“I need to ask you something,” he says quietly.

“Knock yourself out.”

“What was Jodie on about when she said you’d been fucking her ex while you were in Byron?” Great, coz that’s what I really wanted to talk about right now.

“I met a bloke in Byron. He sang and played guitar in my aunt’s bar.”

“He was a singer?” I nod.

“Yeah, I know. He was nothing like Sean to look at. He just happened to sing and play guitar.”

“What’s his name?”

“Roman, Roman Peterson. He’s not famous or anything. He’s actually an engineer and works away in the mines most of the year, but takes a four month break and goes home to Byron and plays guitar around the different bars there.”

“And you fucked him?” I don’t see any point in lying, I don’t want to lie so I just nod.

“I’ve been numb, Cam. I’ve felt nothing and I just suddenly felt something. It was the strangest thing. It actually disturbed me.”

“Why?” I think about this for a few seconds.

“Because he made me feel and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, and because I felt so guilty. It hadn’t been quite a year since Sean’s death and I was feeling something for another man. Not emotionally or anything, it wasn’t like that between us. It was just desire I suppose, but even that was more than I was prepared for.” The only light is coming from a lamp over in the corner and I watch him frown while listening and digesting what I’m telling him.

“What was it like then, between you and him?”

How the fuck do I explain this one? I decide to go with honesty. “Rome’s a bit of a free spirit, independent and adventurous. He just wanted to help me. He wanted to show me that I could go on with my life.”

“Sounds like a hippy.”

I nod. “Yeah, he was a bit of a hippy. He was good for me, Cam. He was exactly what I needed; a bit like you and Tamara, we were friends who fucked. He knew I was going back to England at some stage. I knew he was going back to Western Australia and we were both fine with that.”

“And you didn’t mind that he was Jodie’s ex?” he asks.

“Yeah, well, that’s where it all went tits up. I had no idea and was really pissed off when I found out, but because he’s so laid back, he just didn’t see what the problem was. As far as he was concerned, it was a long time ago and it didn’t matter, but what he and I didn’t know was that he’d gotten her pregnant, and without telling him, she’d got rid of the baby.”

“Fuck,” he says and lets out a breath.

“Yeah, fuck, the relationship meant a lot more to her than it did to him, and when she found out I had been seeing him, she was pissed off.”

We’re both silent for a few seconds, but now his questions have got me thinking.

“What went on between you and her?”

He shifts me off his lap slightly before he starts talking. “It was nothing other than professional. We went to lunch once and dinner twice. Lunch and one of the dinners were business meetings, and then one night, we both finished at the club late and I asked her to have dinner with me. I didn’t see the point in both of us eating alone; that was all there was to it. I didn’t realise she was reading more into it.”

I’m getting pins and needles in my feet so I uncurl my legs and stretch them out in front of me, and because of the way the throw is tangled around us, my bare legs are now on show and I watch as Cam looks along the length of them.

“Is that it, no kissing, no flirting?” I ask.

“What like you’re doing now?”

“What?” I haven’t said a word. How am I flirting?

“Flashing me your legs, just because I’m talking about your cousin.” I smile at his assumption.

“If I was flirting with you, Cam, I wouldn’t be sitting with my legs stretched out on the sofa. I’d have them wrapped around your neck while I sat on your face.” He throws his head back and gives me his big Cam laugh and I can’t help but throw my arms around his neck and hold him for a few seconds. I breathe him in and say quietly, “God, I’ve missed that laugh. I’ve missed your laugh and your smell so much.” He slides his hand under his hoodie that I’m wearing and runs his fingertips up and down my spine. I shudder in response.

“I love the way your body reacts to me. If I touch your nipples now, how hard would they be?” I feel lightheaded with desire. I ache for him to be inside me again.

“Hard enough to cut glass.” I turn myself around and straddle him, grinding my hips into his once they’re lined up.

“If I put my hand in your shorts, how wet will you be?” He bites along my jaw as he asks the question, and again I shudder and he gives a little laugh.

“Wet. I’m wet.”

“How wet, Kitten?” I can feel him grow harder underneath me, and as I start to rub harder, he grabs my hips and stills me. I pull back to look at him and his brown eyes meet mine. “Stop rubbing yourself off on my jeans. I want you in my bed naked. I want your skin on mine. I want you calling me, begging me, Kitten. I need you to convince me that you want and need me as much as I want and need you.” His teeth drag over my jaw and neck as he finishes speaking and I let out a moan.

“Take me to bed, Cam. Take me to bed and I’ll show you. I’ll show you how much I want and need you.”

He stands and carries me upstairs still wrapped around him. He lays me back on his bed and switches on a lamp. I push myself up on my elbows, putting me at eye level with the boner he’s got going on in his jeans. I look up to meet his eyes and he has a cocky grin on his face.

“Get naked. I’m gonna shower. Then I’m gonna make you scream, beg and call my name.” He turns around and goes into the en suite. I take off what I’m wearing and lay on my belly, my chin resting in my hands as I face the bathroom, waiting for him to finish his shower. He’s only gone a few minutes when I hear the shower go off and he returns, dripping wet, with a towel around his hips. He is just so male, so my Mr TDH and he looks even better wet. Our eyes meet as he puts his hands on his hips and looks me over. “Don’t move, Kitten. I want you to stay exactly like that.

He moves around the bed as I lay still. I don’t even turn my head. I feel his hands around my ankles as he uncrosses my legs and spreads them wide. I feel his hand in my hair as he moves it from my back and brushes it all over my right shoulder and he gently bites my left. I turn and look at him. He gives me the sexiest pout and a ‘what?’ kind of look, knowing full well how much I like the feel of his teeth on me. He winks, and if I had a womb, it would’ve just exploded. I don’t know why I let thoughts like that into my head, sometimes they just slip in to torture me and my throat tightens. I turn back away from him as he uses his middle and index fingers to trace down the bumps of my spine. When he gets to my bum, he keeps going, dragging two fingers right through the middle of me, he keeps going until he reaches my clit, he circles his fingers and I let out an, “Oh, God,” and grind myself down onto his hand.

“Still, Kitten, keep still and I’ll give you what you want, but I want to play for a while. I need to see you. I need to hear you. I need to taste you.”