The gentleness that follows the torture makes me crave more of the loving abuse, and he knows it when he pulls away, urging, “Tell me you want it.”

“Give it to me.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“You know what I want.”

“Say it,” he commands.

“Bite me.”

“Ask me,” he says. “Beg for it.”

Pushing my hips towards his face, I nearly whimper in the desire that flushes through my veins, “Please, Declan. Bite me, and then take the pain away. I wanna feel it.”

With a low groan, he’s pleased with my request, approving, “Good girl,” before unzipping his pants to free his massive erection, solid and hard.

“Your girl,” I breathe as he takes me in his mouth again.

I can’t keep my eyes off of him, watching him beat off while he blissfully fucks me with his tongue.

BENNETT HAS BEEN home for a couple of weeks now, making it difficult for me to see Declan. I have to come up with random excuses to get away and go to him. So I lie, telling him that Chicago Magazine wants another piece from me and that I’ve been meeting my editor for coffee and office meetings to discuss article topics, or that I’m spending the day at the spa, or going shopping. Whatever I can come up with, I tell him. Declan and I have been spending most of our time on his yacht. When I’m with him, nothing else exists—I’m happy and content. I know I’ve made a huge mistake and the more time I spend with him leaving my heart unguarded, the deeper I’m falling in love. But I can’t help myself. He’s intense, overwhelming, addictive, and utterly all-consuming. When I’m not with him, I want to be. These days, I can barely go an hour without wanting to talk to him. That’s how much I crave him.

I’ve been putting off seeing Pike for these very reasons. I’m scared to tell him the truth about what’s going on between Declan and me, so for the first time, I’m going to have to lie to him. It’s been almost a month since I last saw him, so while Bennett is at work, and Declan is in meetings all day to discuss acquiring a piece of land in London for new construction, I take a risk and drive out to Justice to touch base with Pike. I normally wait until Bennett is out of town, but under the circumstances, I feel like I need to check in.

The place smells of his clove cigarettes, a scent that is so familiar to me, one that I find comfort in. But the smell that brings me the most comfort now is one of sweet, earthy rain—the smell of lotus blooms.

“Four weeks, Elizabeth,” Pike’s monotone voice says as he sits on the couch. His irritation doesn’t come as a surprise as I walk over and sit down next to him.

“I’m sorry. Bennett’s been home. He’s not traveling as much right now,” I try explaining, but he doesn’t seem to be in any mood to hear my excuses.

“Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Pike.”

“Tell me you’re making progress with that guy.”

“His name’s Declan, and I’m trying. It’s just taking a little longer than I expected,” I tell him, lying because the only reason it’s taking longer is because I want more time with him.

He looks over at me, fed up, asking, “What the hell does that mean? Last I saw you, you said he was in deep and didn’t seem to have much doubt about this taking up a whole lot of time.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “I think I was just wound up with excitement, but I don’t feel like he’s ready yet.”

“How did he react to the last bruises I gave you?”

“He was pissed. I wound up staying with him the whole time Bennett was away.”

He nods, stubbing out his cigarette. “So what do you think it’s gonna take?”

“I’m not sure.”

“How long is Bennett gone this time?” he asks.

“He’s not. He’s still here in town. It’s just been a while since I saw you.”

“So you needed me to take care of you,” he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, assuming I came for sex. But I don’t need that from him anymore. And as screwed up as it sounds, considering I’m married, the thought of having sex with Pike would make me feel like I was being unfaithful to Declan. It’s a fucked up idea, but the feeling is there regardless.

“No. I just wanted to check in. I didn’t want you worrying,” I tell him and watch as his eyes narrow.

“What the fuck is going on? What aren’t you telling me?” he snaps.

“Nothing.”

“For nearly sixteen years you’ve always needed me for sex, and now, all of a sudden, you don’t.”

“Nobody said that I don’t still need you, Pike.”

“You didn’t need me the last time you were here, and now today,” he says suspiciously as he pulls his arm away from me. I don’t speak as he stands up and takes a few steps across the room before turning back to face me. “You say you think Declan needs more time, that he’s not ready. But now you’ve got me wondering if it’s you that’s not ready.”

I stand up, defending instantly, “You don’t think I’m ready to see Bennett dead? To see that asshole buried six feet under where he belongs?”

“I’m not talking about Bennett. I don’t doubt that you want those things. I’m talking about Declan.”

I try covering my nervousness with irritation when I cross my arms and bite my words, “Stop goading me and just say whatever it is you want to say.”

He takes a moment, looking at me intently as if he’s trying to read me, and then questions in a condescending tone, “You don’t love the guy, do you?”

“What?! No!” I blurt out, but I know he doesn’t buy it when he cocks his head.

“Then tell me why you don’t need me.”

“Pike. Don’t.”

“You’re just fooling yourself, you know?” he says. “Don’t forget, you’re nothing but a lie to him.”

But I don’t need Pike to tell me what I already know.

“Stop.”

But he doesn’t. He just keeps talking, saying, “So when he says that he loves you, he doesn’t really mean it. He’s only in love with this fictional character you’ve created, Nina.”

“Pike, I’m serious,” I yell, losing my temper. “Cut the shit!”

“You and I both know that if he truly knew you, he wouldn’t be saying those words.”

“Fuck you!”

“No! Fuck you!” he shouts in hate. “We had a fucking plan here. And here you are, falling for the goddamn con!”

His words stab me, throwing the truth I want to deny in my face. Wishing that his words were nothing but lies, but they’re not, and it pisses me off, so I shout back at him, “I’m not like you! I have cracks, and I can’t always shut off my feelings like you do, settling for the life you were given. Don’t forget I was given this life too!”

He flinches when I sling my words at him, and I’m taken aback by the softer tone of his voice when he responds, “So that’s what you really think? That I don’t feel? That I don’t mourn the loss of the life I should’ve had? That I don’t wonder about or miss the parents I never knew?” He takes a slow step towards me, his jaw flexing, hardening his voice as he continues, “You had a dad that you knew. You had it all. I never had a goddamn thing. But that’s why people like you and me fight, because it gives us something to live for when we have nothing left. I thought we shared that.”

The look on his face and the pain in his voice cut me deeply. I love Pike. I always have, and to see him hurt, because of me, isn’t an easy thing to witness.

I move closer to him, telling him, “We do share that.”

He cups my cheeks in his hands, assuring me, “We can do this. You and I can do this together. Don’t let go of that because some guy makes you feel something. The real question you need to be asking yourself is: what does Elizabeth make him feel?”

He’s right. Declan says he loves me, but what he loves isn’t real. Not completely anyway. I allow him to see the real emotions in me, but he thinks I’m Nina, the girl from Kansas. If he knew Elizabeth, there’s no way he would feel the same way about me. There’s no denying how I feel about him, but Pike is right, I don’t truly have the confirmation of how he feels about me—the real me.