“I had a really good time tonight,” I managed to say. “Did you?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, I hope we can do more of what we were doing and stuff. And maybe pretty soon we can do more. I just want to get to know you more before —”

“Yeah, I get it,” he said, still looking forward.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” But he wasn’t leaning in to give me a kiss, or stroke my hair, or anything.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Finally, he turned to face me, but his eyes looked cold and small now.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I said with what I hoped was a smile.

He gave a short nod.

I leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. Then I opened the car door. I wanted so badly for him to say “Stop!” or grab my arm and pull me into him, but he didn’t. He didn’t do anything. And I walked back into the inn, the world still feeling wobbly beneath my feet, but now for an entirely different reason.

There was definitely something going on. I had tried Phoebe about a hundred times when I got back to the inn last night and then again this morning. Still no answer. I hoped it wasn’t something bad with her grandma. She had been sick for a while. But Phoebe would’ve called me if something happened, right? Was there something she wasn’t telling me?

Finally, I gave up and headed out to Sugar Peak with Dad, Kathy, and Jeremy. I was not in great shape. My lips were puffy and my head was pounding and there seemed to be a lot more turns in the drive over. But this wasn’t just a hangover. This was something much heavier weighing me down.

Jeremy announced he was going to take a snow-boarding class. Dad asked if I wanted to join them for cross-country, but I said no, even though I wasn’t sure who I was going to hang out with. I seriously considered parking myself in front of the fire, but somehow it felt too sad without Margie and her interactive sweater. I strapped myself into my giant-sized boots and then got in line for the chairlift — alone.

I saw Liz and Dina and Heidi sometime later in the morning. I had just done an advanced beginner slope called Mystic Mountain or Magic Mists. Something like that. It was pretty fun, I guess. I spent a fair portion of the trip down on my butt, of course.

I recognized Liz’s furry hood first.

“Hey!” I called.

Dina turned around and smiled. “Oh, hey, Sam!”

“Sammy!” said Heidi with a big wave. Liz was busy fixing something on her skis.

“Missed you guys last night,” I said when I got close enough to actually talk instead of shout.

“Yeah, I was having fun being lazy and Miss Heidi here was busy with Nate.” Dina nudged Heidi in the ribs. But she didn’t have to. Heidi’s smile was already so big it took up her whole face.

“I thought his name was Trey.”

Heidi scrunched up her nose.

“No. Different guy,” she said. “Nate’s a bartender.”

“Okay, okay. We all know that Heidi’s gotten a lot of action. Let’s just get back to the lift, okay? Some of us are trying to do some skiing, you know,” said Liz.

“Liz thinks she saw this cute guy from our first class out here,” Dina said out of the side of her mouth. “Manhunt,” she added in a whisper. But Liz saw the whole thing.

“Listen, little Miss I-already-have-someone-I’m-so-perfect-and-cute-and-happy, just because you like to stay at home and paint your nails and talk to lover-boy on the phone, doesn’t mean that I have to sit home and watch you.” Her voice was nasal and she looked like she was biting off her words. Then she turned to me for the first time.

“How’s your brother, Sam?” she said with a sneer.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Well, I think he’s an ass.”

I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. It was just that I had never heard someone else call him that besides me. But Liz didn’t find it funny at all.

“Whatever. We gotta go. You guys ready?”

Dina rolled her eyes and Heidi mouthed “Sorry” and then the three of them were off.

Wow. Now I really missed Phoebe.

I spent most of lunch in the bathroom, avoiding Drew. He was over at a table full of people. Lots of girls, of course. I knew I wanted to say something to him, like about the importance of connecting with people before you have sex, and how I thought we really “got” each other. But would he care?

My pocket was vibrating. I pulled out my phone.

The caller ID said PHEEBS. Finally!

“Hey!”

“Sam!”

“Where have you been? Are you okay? Is it Grandma? What’s going on?!”

“I … miff … er.”

We were breaking up.

“I’ll call you right back!” I shouted, then threw open the stall door. A woman at the mirror stared at me angrily. “This is supposed to be —”

“Sorry!” I yelped, running out the door. The chalet was way too loud. I tried to find a closet or a hidden corner. Nothing. Forget it. I raced outside and dialed her number again. Yipes! It was cold without a coat on.

“’lo?”

“Pheebs?”

“Hey, Sam. How’s it going?”

“Fine! Well, not fine. But more on that later. How are you?”

“Good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” She sounded really far away, though. And then there was a long pause. “Listen, Sam, can I — can we maybe talk later? I guess I wanted to talk to you, but … pickle.”

Pickle was our code word for somebody just walked in the room who I can’t talk in front of. It was usually one of our parents or something. It was kind of not very subtle to say “pickle” in the middle of a sentence, but — oh, well.

“Yeah, sure Pheebs. I’ll call you tonight. Okay? Or you call me.”

“Yeah, let’s talk tonight.”

“But you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” she said quickly, then “Bye!” and hung up. What was that? I spent a few minutes just looking at the phone, wishing she would call back and explain. She’d never acted like this before. By the time I got back into the chalet, it was clearing out. I guessed I had missed my opportunity to talk to Drew at lunch. But he could’ve found me to talk to if he wanted. Something told me he didn’t want to, though. My stomach hurt thinking about it.

“There you are!” said Dad, coming over with Kathy. “You disappeared on us at lunch.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Kathy saved you this turkey sandwich, if you want it,” Dad said, as Kathy reached out and handed me a bundle in a paper napkin and then smiled shyly.

“It’s pretty yummy,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said coldly. Ugh. She just wanted me to like her. Why couldn’t Drew try this hard?

“So, meet you back here, usual time?” said Dad.

“Sure,” I said.

I decided to go back to Pine Bluffs again. I actually managed to get through almost the whole trail on my feet on the first try. It felt pretty good, too. But, of course, there was nobody to share my success with. I made my way back to the lift.

“Hey, partner!” I heard behind me. It was that girl Ashley with the braids, from the night before. “How’s it going?” She gave me a hug like we were best buddies. It was a little odd, considering how Liz had treated me that morning and how funky my real best friend had just acted.

“I’m okay,” I lied. “How are you?”

“Great! Wasn’t that fun last night? Seemed like you and Drew were having a total blast.” Ugh. I guess there were two people who still said “total blast.”

“Sort of.” I moved forward so she would know that I didn’t feel like talking about it. But she slid in right next to me.

“Hey, I won’t pry. Just wanted to see if you wanted to go up together?”

“Sure.” Why not, right?

The whole way up the mountain, Ashley talked about how she’d never seen so much snow in her life. She was from a farm in Texas and the only time she had seen snow was in one of those globes that her mom brought back from a trip to Minnesota where you could turn it upside down and then watch the city sparkle with glittery flakes. She was in West Lake with her best friend, Emily, so they could learn how to ski. But Emily had woken up with a fever and chills that morning.