“Because … you don’t ride your bike anymore, and you have curfews, and you seem like you’re still carrying whatever bad thing happened on your shoulders, and it’s dragging you down.” She took a step forward, making us closer. I was aware of her body, and how I could extend my arm and touch her. “I’m not a bad person, Ryan. I might still hate you for what you did to me, and for a long time, I wanted you to suffer for it, but the truth is … I don’t like to see you hurting.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. Her blue eyes were fixed on mine, and I could see she was speaking the truth. She didn’t like to see me hurting. But … I had hurt her. She should be happy I was hurting.

A new feeling fought for space against the lust, the rage, and the frustration. A feeling I thought I had lost once she was gone. A feeling I hadn’t realized I had missed.

“Jessica—”

The front door flew open with a bang and Jessica jumped back.

With a thin robe over his pajamas, my father marched down the front steps, his harsh gaze on Jessica.

“What is she doing here?” He pointed a finger at her. “You can’t be here. You were a disgrace to my son.”

Jessica paled. “I …”

I clenched my fists. “Dad, you’re going too far.”

My father huffed. “Am I? Look at the mess you are. All because of her.” His words were laced with venom, and I could see Jessica becoming sicker by the second. “Leave, girl. Leave now. And you better stay away from my son. Do you hear me?”

“Dad! Stop it.” I stepped in front of Jessica. “You can’t talk to her like that.”

I was ready to defend her. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was too late. Jessica ran to her truck and peeled away from the curb as if the ground were on fire.

“Hear me, boy,” my father started. “If I see her near you again—”

“What, Dad, what? You’re gonna ground me?” It was hard to rein in all the rage swimming freely through me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Mine were a little bigger than the norm, and I’m paying for them. When are you gonna get over it?”

I didn’t wait for an answer. My instinct told me to bolt, so I turned my back on him and took firm steps to my car.

An immense will to race assaulted me. I needed to work off my anger, to waste it somehow. Thank goodness, it was too late for races, and most clubs in Columbia were closing.

Without anything else to do, I drove to my apartment and lay in my bed with a full glass of Coke, pretending it was blissful Jack.

Chapter Sixteen

Jessica

Sunday afternoon, Mama insisted we visited my father, even if he was sleeping.

“I don’t spend much time with him,” she said, and the guilt was clear in each of her words.

I had no excuses not to go. After all, I had come here because of him. However, Jason rattled something about visiting Dad yesterday and left the house before Mama could inflict guilt on him too.

Mama drove the truck, and as we passed familiar streets, I remembered last night. The way Ryan watched me, his tense body, his words. I didn’t understand him. One minute he was stomping over me like I was the last thing he wanted to see, then he was acting like a jealous boyfriend. And what about his father? I was a disgrace to Ryan? What happened to him was about me? My curiosity had skyrocketed now.

We arrived at the hospital, and the nurse at the nurse’s station smiled.

“I was about to call you, Corrine,” she said. “Your husband is awake.”

Mama beamed. “He is?”

I froze. He was? Oh damn.

She hurried her steps to Papa’s door, but she didn’t open it right away. She turned to me and rested a hand on my arm. “He’s crankier than before, and moody. Please, just … be patient with him. Are you ready?”

I nodded, but I wasn’t ready. I had no idea what to expect.

Mama pushed the door open, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Papa was lying in the same bed I had seen him in before, in the same room, but now he was awake, looking out the window. His face was pale and his brown eyes a little dull.

A pang ran through my heart.

Mama rushed to him. “Darling,” she whispered, taking his hand.

He turned his face to her and a small smile took over his thin lips. “Hi, Cor.”

She kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re awake. There’s someone here to see you.”

She stepped to the side and gestured to me. Papa’s smile faded, his dull eyes hardened, and his frail body stiffened.

I took a step toward his bed. “Hi, Papa.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his tone harsh, his voice weak.

“She came to see you, darling,” Mama said, playing referee. “Jess came all the day from Cleveland to see you.”

He spread his arms. “You saw me.”

A mix of feelings stirred within me and tears filled my eyes. His fragile state mixed with his words and body language hurt too much. I wanted to bolt, slam the door, and never come back. But one look at Mama, at her desperate, begging eyes, and I knew I had to try. For her, I would try.

“We should talk.”

Papa turned his face to the window and stared outside. “What is done is done. There’s nothing to talk about.”

I took a deep, calming breath. “It has been four years, Papa. Four years. That’s a long time. I’m different now. More mature, more responsible. If you give me the chance, you’ll see I’m okay and what happened is forgotten and in the past.”

He glanced at me. “Can you take your virtue back?”

Virtue? Who talked like that? Papa, that was who.

I sighed. “You know I can’t.”

He returned his gaze to the window. “Then there’s nothing to talk about.”

That was it. The calm I was trying to keep around my anger and frustration burst like a damn. “Seriously? You’re sick and I came all the way from Cleveland to somehow make peace with you, and you won’t give me five minutes of your time to properly talk to me?”

Papa closed his eyes.

“Darling,” Mama started, her voice quivering. “She’s trying. You should try to.”

He snapped his head in her direction, his anger now turned to her. “You’re going to defend her after all she did?”

All I did?

Hearing him, someone would think I had robbed a bank or killed a person. But all I had done was fall in love and give my heart to the guy I thought would take care of it. The fact that said guy couldn’t was another matter.

“Paul …”

“It’s okay, Mama.” I retreated to the door. “I should go.”

“No, hon.” Mama extended her hand as if I was close enough so she could hold me. “Don’t go.”

I opened the door. “I’ll see at home.” I stepped out and closed the door as Mama’s voice filled the room.

A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away furiously. I wouldn’t cry for him, because of him.

I took a deep breath and walked out of the hospital, feeling as if things had just gotten worse.

After a thirty-minute walk, I arrived home and sat at the back porch table with a bottle of honey and a plate of crackers. Luna sat on a chair beside me, and she whined every time I took a bite. I threw her some pieces of the crackers and a drop of honey.

When the crackers were gone, I opened the bottle of honey and poured it directly on my tongue. I only wished the sweetness of the honey could spread through me, through my life.

Mama had stayed at the hospital with Papa, and Jason hadn’t come back from wherever he went. At least he didn’t witness the argument.

I sighed. Seriously, why had I come? I didn’t want his forgiveness. I hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. I had fallen in love and had my heart broken. It was a normal thing for a sixteen-year-old, though I confess it hurt like hell and I didn’t wish it on anyone.

But to Papa, I should have lost my virginity only after my wedding, which would be when I was thirty-five. Or, at least after dating the same guy for five years.