Although I’ve lost weeks of training, Coach Evans has been surprisingly supportive of time away. At first the thought of telling him the truth almost was too much to bare, but Kipton insisted on joining me for the meeting. Maybe it was his presence that dulled Coach’s wrath, but he was reasonable of all things. Assuring me I can still be ready for the start of the season if I work hard enough, I didn’t find myself hunched over the trashcan that night. Instead, I was with Kipton, enjoying a normal night out with my boyfriend.

“You almost ready, Sophie?” Cara asks while curling the same strand of hair three times in a row until it bounces perfectly.

“Whenever you’re done, we can go. Are we waiting for Drew?”

“No. He’s meeting us there after his shift.”

“Okay.” I hear my cell ringing from inside my purse. It’s Kipton. “Hello.”

“How long until you get here?” He shouts, over the background noise.

I pull the phone away from my ear and rub my aching eardrum. “Cara said she’s ready so we should be leaving in about fifteen minutes, maybe twenty.” Cara throws her brush at me and I duck to miss it. “You almost hit me, Cara!”

“Fight nice, girls.” He laughs. “There’s no rush. I just wanted to make sure I was outside when you got here to walk you inside.”

“That’s sweet, but I think you just want to keep me away from Caleb.”

“I have my reasons, beautiful. He may be one of them. Text me when you get here if you don’t see me, okay.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

“Bye, babe.”

I sigh louder than necessary and toss my phone on my bed. Giving myself one last look in the mirror, I decide this is as good as it’s going to get.

“What’s wrong? You seem blah tonight, Sophie.” Cara asks.

“I think—nevermind.” I flop down onto my mattress and watch Cara put the finishing touches on her make-up.

“No. We aren’t leaving until you spill it. Something’s nagging you. I can feel it. What’s going on?”

I’m hesitant, but I open up to Cara anyway. She can’t help she’s related to my boyfriend. “I don’t think I’m sexy enough for your brother.” I’m ready for her to flip out on me, but instead, she laughs. A full out, cracking up, hysterical laugh. I glare at her, wishing she would stop making a joke out of this. “Forget I said anything.”

I stand up and cross the room to find my purse, rooting around inside for my keys and ID.

“Wait. You’re serious?”

“I was. But never mind.”

“I’m sorry, Sophie. I shouldn’t have laughed at you, but why would you think that? My brother is crazy about you. Anyone can see it.”

I shrug my shoulders, unsure if this is the kind of conversation I can have with her considering the circumstances. But she is my best friend on campus.

“Come on, tell me,” She begs, with a puppy dog face.

“I’ll tell you, but can you be my friend and not his sister for a few minutes?”

Looking worried, she scoots close to me on my bed, ready to listen. “Sure, go ahead. Hit me with it.”

Cautiously optimistic this won’t freak her out, I let my words flow carefully out of my mouth. “I’m worried I’m not sexy enough for him. Or that maybe he’s not attracted to me in all the ways he should be. Remember the night at the party, when those two girls were on him. They were smoking hot. Even I admit that and I’m a girl.”

Cara pauses, tries to speak, and then stops again. Finally, she continues, “Have you discussed this with your counselor? She’s way more qualified to help you with this than I am. I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing I’ll trigger you.”

Her hesitation is exactly why it’s so hard to be open with others. They think I’ll run to throw up if I don’t like their advice. “No, I promise you won’t. It’s not about throwing up or anything like that. It’s the only thing I can come up with when I try to figure out why he doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore.”

“Since when does my brother not want sex? Let me rephrase that. Since when wouldn’t a hypothetical guy resembling my brother who is not my brother not want sex.”

Although this is a serious conversation, I laugh at her attempt to separate her genes from Kipton’s like I asked her to. I knew I was asking her to do the impossible. “It’s okay. You can call him your brother. But that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. It’s embarrassing, but it’s been a couple weeks now. Not once has he made a move other than kisses, or a few sensual touches. It never progresses to anything more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with him, but I’m worried I don’t do it for him.”

Cara stands up and shakes her head no. “I highly doubt that’s the case.” She paces back and forth just like he does when he’s stewing over something important. I smile at their noticeable similarities. “He would never cheat on you, Sophie. Sure, he’s had his fair share of chicks, but he wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Well I hadn’t even considered that, but now you’re freaking me out.”

“No. He’s not. He would never do that to you. I’m just thinking out loud. It doesn’t make sense, but maybe he’s just taking things slow. Do you want me to talk to him? I’ll ask him what’s up.”

“Oh. God, no! This stays between the two of us. I’m begging you, Cara.”

“Okay, calm down. But if you don’t get some tonight and break out of this funk, I may have to say something. It’s just not right. A girl has needs too.”

Yes, I need my boyfriend to want me. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“If you’re sure.” I shake my head that I’m good. “Let’s get going. I need a few shots after that.”

I reach over and snatch my cell off the bed. The screen lights up and the call from earlier is still connected. Stabbing at the red x on the screen, I die a thousand deaths.

Cara turns around when she realizes I didn’t follow her into the hallway. “Now what?” She huffs.

I stand staring at my cell in shock. “Cara, the call. Your brother’s call. It never disconnected.”

“So?”

“So! I think he heard our entire conversation just now.”

She rolls her eyes and stomps back into the room. “You don’t know that for sure. Kipton has ADD most of the day. He probably hung up a long time ago.

“But the timer was still running. If he hung up, it would’ve stopped.”

Cara takes the phone out of my hand and inspects it. She checks the call log and notices the extended time on the previous call. “I doubt he could hear even if he was trying to eavesdrop.”

“I think I’ll stay home.”

Cara grabs my arm and hauls my ass into the hallway, kicking the door closed in the process. “No. We’re going and we will have fun. Stop dwelling on things you can’t change. It’s one of our goals on the board remember?”

After I started therapy, Cara and I hashed out our differences. We even went as far as making a roommate agreement. I thought it was silly, but she insisted it would bring us that much closer. Although she just mentioned one of my goals, we both try to work on all of them together. That way it’s easier to keep each other on the right path.

Regardless of my embarrassment, I suck it up and drive the two of us to the party. It’s time to face the music. When I pull into the gravel lot next to the house, I cut the engine and stare blankly ahead. The warmth of the heater is quickly being replaced by the chill in the night air. “Are you coming inside, Sophie?”

Before I can answer, Kipton’s opening her door. “Cara, a few of your friends are inside playing beer pong. Can you give us a minute please? I need to talk to Sophie alone.”

“Sure, Kippy. Go easy on her though.” She pats his shoulder and hurries inside the house.

Kipton takes Cara’s place in the passenger seat of my car. The way he’s looking at me can only be described as feral. I swallow the lump of apprehension in my throat just as my chest begins to rise and fall rapidly. I’m afraid to speak first, but the tension is too palpable to continue in silence.