Will it?

He says Erin is in his past, but if I ditch him, will that change? Erin makes what they had back then sound so amazing, so maybe he will be tempted to go back to that – to find it again with her.

My head swims and my stomach turns at the thought of watching them be together. That’s the end goal, that’s what I’m supposed to be working for, and yet it literally makes my skin crawl. I don’t know if I could be around them.

Snap out of it, Skyler.

I have to let him go. I have to not care. There isn’t another option in this game, no matter how badly I wish there was.

When I reach my room, Jess and Ashlei are browsing through my closet.

“Oh good, you’re home. Try these on.” Ashlei tosses a handful of hoodies in my direction, some mine and some I’ve never seen before. Everyone in the Greek community goes to the New Member Bonfire. It’s the first time the pledges, now new members, get to wear double stitched letters. Everyone else wears their letters, too – it’s similar to rush but with a completely different feel.

“Are you seriously dressing me up for the bonfire? It’s a bonfire… like, outside, in the dirt.”

“And? You need to look fucking hot, Sky. Try these on so we can see which one flatters you more and then we can pick accessories. And you’re lucky it’s in the dirt. We’ll settle for cute boots, though wedges would look much better.”

“You’re not freezing my toes off to look cute at a New Member Bonfire.”

“I said we’ll settle for boots, grumpy pants,” Jess reiterates. “Did you forget that Kip is going to be there and you haven’t talked to him or seen him in over a week?”

“Oh! Kip is going to be there? Well I’ll be damned. Must have slipped my mind.” I roll my eyes, pulling the first hoodie option over my head. They both shake their head in unison and I move to the next.

“We’re just trying to help,” Ashlei says.

I sigh, showing the next option – a light blue zip up hoodie with bright pink KKB letters.

“Oh, I love that one! Brings out the blue in your eyes and you could show some cleavage. Put that one in the maybe pile.”

“I know you’re just trying to help,” I say, unzipping the hoodie and throwing it to the side. “I appreciate it, I do. I’m just…”

“Nervous? Scared?”

“Yes,” I mumble, my eyes on the ground. “I just really need to push him away tonight while also making him think I’m still completely into him. It’s a mess… I’m a mess.”

“You’ve got this, Sky,” Jess says encouragingly. “Who has the best poker face in the game? Who can bluff their way out of a speeding ticket? Who can play every single boy for a complete fool and leave them begging for more?”

I don’t answer, so Ashlei moves over, grabbing another hoodie option and placing it in my hands. “You, that’s who. I’ve never seen a girl who can play the dating game as well as you do. You get to have the fun you want without all the drama because somehow you keep every guy at just the right distance. Don’t let this kid get under your skin. You’re so close to being done with this stupid game and then you can focus on your tournament in May and more importantly, Spring Break.” We all laugh a little at that and I can’t help but feel inspired by their words.

“You girls are right. I do this all the time, I don’t know why I’m letting him get to me.”

“Just brush him off. Pick out a pair of ripped, tight-as-fuck jeans and a hot sweater and we’ll do your hair and makeup. You’ll look and feel sexy and invincible and before you know it, you’ll be breaking his heart and moving on. End of story, next book.”

I nod, though the thought still makes me feel sick. “Okay, let’s do this. Make me pretty.”

Ashlei shakes her head. “You’re already pretty, we’re just going to make you feel it.”

Jess and Ashlei smile and I pause for a second before pulling them both into a hug. It’s overwhelming sometimes how much they do to help me. I could never put an outfit together without them unless it was jeans and a t-shirt. They don’t have to do this for me, but they do it because they love me. And regardless of us masking it under making me “look hot”, it’s more than that – these girls, my sisters - they know the key to making me feel my best. And when I feel my best, I play my best. And when I play my best, I win.

I need to win tonight.

I have to win tonight.

No more falling, no more letting my guard down – it’s poker face time. Put on a show, leave him begging for more. Bing, bang, boom – done.

The girls finally agree on the blue zip up and the tightest pair of jeans I own. They frame my ass nicely and have small rips down the front, exposing my thighs. It’s still early, so we head downstairs to make lunch, Jess and Ashlei still arguing about whether my hair should be up or down tonight.

“Are you ready for this?” Jess asks as we reach the kitchen.

I nod, feeling the confidence settling inside me again. I don’t want to hurt Kip, but this is the only way. It’s like a band-aid I’ve been peeling at slowly and now I’m finally ready to rip it off and get it over with. Poker face on, walls up – game time.

“I’ve got this.”

I have to admit, after the exchange I had with Adam a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t sure if joining a fraternity was the right move. I started to question myself, to wonder if all I was doing was distracting from Skyler and what I have to do here. But now, wearing the double-stitched Alpha Sigma letters and sitting around the bonfire with my new brothers, I know with absolute positivity that I made one of the best decisions of my life.

When I showed up to the fraternity house a week and a half ago after Skyler left my place, I had no idea what to expect. The text was vague – just demanding that all pledges report. On the way to the house, I ran through the notes from my new member book in my head, reciting founders, dates, principles and values. I expected a quiz, another ice bath, hell an obstacle course – but I would never have guessed what actually waited for me.

When I arrived, I stepped through the door to an empty house. Once the door closed behind me, a bag was thrown over my head and I was taken to our secret initiation location.

I was scared shitless, not only of initiation but of leaving things with Skyler the way they were. The older brothers took our phones and we only had one day with internet to turn in our school assignments and one phone call to our parents. They watched over our shoulders the entire time, I had no chance to reach out to her.

I have no idea what’s going through her head right now, and that scares me more than having a bag thrown over my head ever could.

“You’re gripping that cup a little tight there, bro,” Kade says, motioning to the red plastic cup now slightly dented in my hand. I switch hands and stretch out my fingers, trying to loosen up and let the tension out. More and more people are showing up to the bonfire, dressed in their letters and already getting buzzed. I scan the crowd for Skyler, maybe a little too eagerly, but I’m past caring about how I look at this point.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous to see Skyler tonight,” I say, a little more openly than I expected. I guess after spending almost two weeks together learning everything there is to know about each other and our fraternity, shit like that comes out easier than before. Of course, I didn’t exactly tell my brothers everything about myself.

Some things are just meant to be kept secret.

“Why? Afraid she’s found someone else to bone in the week you’ve been gone?”

I punch his arm. “No, dick, I’m not. I just… when I got the call to go to the house, we were on weird terms. Things were just kind of left hanging while I was gone and I don’t like it. I don’t know what she’s thinking.”