But he did not want her to dwell on the past. He wanted to make her happy now. He kissed her lips gently, and then deeper when she held on to him. “I have to go soon.”

“Back to London?”

“No. There is nothing I want in London now. I have to visit my half sister and decide what to do about another of my father’s illegitimate sons.”

“What’s happened?”

“His mother died and he’s been living with another half sibling, but she’s overwhelmed. We promised to take the boy away this trip and lighten her burdens.”

“Oh.” She sat up and grabbed his hand. “May I help in any way?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t take her to meet other members of his family and have her become more involved in his life. There was no need if she didn’t love him in return. “I’d like to take you to visit Grayling for the day before I go, and when I come back I was wondering if we might talk again.”

Her thumb caressed the back of his hand. “I should like that. I can be ready to go in an hour.”

He raised her hand to her lips one last time and kissed it. “Thank you, Arabella. I hate to go, but I have obligations that I cannot avoid no matter how much I wish to.”

She smiled suddenly. “That is actually one of your best features, Merrick. You never turn your back on your family or your friends.”

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Visiting Lord Grayling’s neighboring estate and sipping tea on the lawn was a beautiful respite for a troubled mind. Arabella smiled as Grayling’s children cavorted on the lawn with hoops and brightly colored leather balls in the company of their new mother and doting father. The happy scene made her heart lighter, but she was aware she was feeling out of place. Matching Grayling with his lover, while scandalous and not without risk, had been the right thing to do. They were all so happy together.

Yet part of Arabella’s mind was as restless as a stormy night. She’d had a hard time conversing with her friends while she grappled with the concept of Merrick in love. And with her, no less. She’d never imagined him besotted with anyone, and she didn’t know what to say to him when he returned from his errand.

Grayling sank into the chair beside her. “You’re quiet today.”

“It’s been a troubling week or so.”

“So Rothwell mentioned.” Grayling took her half-full cup from her fingers and set it on the bench beside him. “He was a trifle vague about it all though. I trust he’s been on his best behavior?”

“Yes. He’s been a great friend to me.”

“Well, then. I am glad to know he’s lived up to your expectations,” Grayling said slowly. “He is a good man. Society doesn’t know the half of his character.”

But Arabella did and that’s what troubled her. Merrick had told her so much about his life, about his troubles with his family, and about his concerns for his half siblings’ welfare that her feelings were torn. She was drowning in instances of his good deeds, yet she couldn’t answer truthfully if she loved him in return. “I have seen enough instances of his kindness and generosity to believe you.”

Grayling sat forward, elbows resting on his knees as he watched his young family at play. “I worry for him some days. When we were young, he flitted from woman to woman without ever looking back or leaving hard feelings in his wake. When passions cooled, he could move on to a new lover without regret.”

“Some people are like that. They don’t feel deeply.”

“But he does.” Grayling shook his head. “I simply think he hasn’t found the woman who is meant for him yet while I’ve been blessed with love twice.”

Tightness closed Arabella’s throat. She had to clear it several times before she felt sure her words would not betray her. “Perhaps he’ll marry this season.”

“I hope so.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Now, while my delightful wife is distracted by the children, will you please tell me what you asked her advice on last winter? It’s driving me insane.”

She grimaced. She’d hoped he might have forgotten that business. When she’d met Rosemary during the previous winter, she’d seized the chance to ask some frank questions she couldn’t ask of anyone else. Grayling would never approve. “A personal matter.”

“You were my friend first.” He scowled. “At least I can be certain I’ll learn what it is before Rothwell does.”

Arabella faced the garden too. Merrick had been instrumental in seeing Lady Grayling’s advice put into practice. With Rosemary’s help, she’d been as well prepared as any new bride for what had happened in Merrick’s bed, and it still hadn’t been enough. She caught herself many times dwelling on what they’d done together. She’d been completely unprepared for how the experience had changed her. She could not stop thinking of Merrick today.

“Don’t tell me he knows too?”

When she winced, Grayling stood and walked a few steps away. “For goodness sake, why on earth would you tell Rothwell?”

She stared at his broad back, feeling nothing but friendship for Grayling and mild irritation that he wasn’t taking her silence well. “Because the matter wasn’t something that concerned you.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Are you ill?”

“No.”

“Penniless?”

Now that was a question for another day. She did not know exactly how her finances stood at the present moment. She would likely need Gray’s assistance, or Merrick’s if they continued as friends, to discover where she stood if she did not want to deal with Farnsworth directly. “Not quite.”

He stared hard at her. “With child and the bastard won’t offer to marry you?”

The terrace door banged behind them and Rosemary hurried out, one hand held protectively over her growing belly. “Grayling, do end your inquisition and lower your voice. Can you not see our dear Arabella’s heart is already under siege?”

“What the devil!” He turned on his wife angrily. “You stay out of it. Don’t give me the business of it not being my business. If not for your interference then I might have been able to solve Arabella’s problem already.”

Rosemary’s lips firmed in a tight line, her eyes narrowed to slits. “Is that so?”

With no way now to deflect Grayling and a fight brewing between them over the misunderstanding, Arabella raised her hands to admit defeat. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, this is ridiculous. I will not have the pair of you fight over who is the better friend. I went to London with the intention of finding a lover, Gray. You certainly would not have helped me with that. I asked Rosemary’s advice on intimacy and she was kind enough to answer my questions. There, now you know it all.”

Grayling spun so fast to face her that he staggered a few steps. His mouth opened, then closed. He glanced between Arabella and his wife and then spun about again and left in a rush, heading for the stables.

Rosemary sighed heavily and sank onto the bench beside Arabella. “Maybe next time he will believe me when I say he doesn’t need to know. From what I’ve gleaned, he sees you as a sister. One never wants to imagine one’s siblings engaged in intimate acts.”

“Perhaps.” Arabella slumped. “What am I going to do?”

“I take it that Rothwell has turned your head around.”

Rosemary just might be the most perceptive woman she’d ever met. “I never said it was him.”

“My dear, you did not have to.” Rosemary shifted closer. “I have eyes enough to see a hungry man staring at what he wants to devour. It surprises me that Gray hasn’t guessed the two of you are involved. You have spent quite a few days with him alone and I’ve never seen a man so reluctant to leave a lady, even in the care of his friends.”

A smile tugged at Arabella’s lips as she thought of Merrick’s protracted leave taking. “He is protective.”

“I think with good reason. What haven’t you told Grayling about the season?”