He shot her a cold look and crossed his armsover his chest. “I don’t need help.”

“Neither do I,” she countered. “So I guesswe’re at an impasse.”

He nodded in discontented agreement, “Isuppose so.”

Her eyes dropped to hide her disappointmentin how the evening was turning out. “Am I free to leave?” shewhispered.

She felt Victor’s finger on her chin, liftingher face. “Is that what you want?”

“You know what I want,” she replied evensofter than before.

He sighed and shook his head.

“Fine. I’ll go,” she choked out as she turnedand sulked away. She made it to the door when Victor wrapped hisfingers around her wrist and yanked her back.

“Like hell you will.”

He pulled her into his embrace and smotheredher with his kiss, stifling any objections she might have had. Notthat she had any. She didn’t really want to leave. She wanted tohold him and to be held by him. He swept her up into his arms andmarched the short distance to the bed and laid her down gently.Yes, this was the man she had missed during his absence: her sweetand temperamental Victor.

*

Elsa woke to the sound of Victor’s deep andpeaceful breathing. After his admission and desperate kiss, theyhad simply laid in bed next to each other until they fell asleep.She kissed the corner of his mouth and walked down the stairs tothe living room. Still naked, she turned on the fireplace andsquatted in front of it for warmth.

The evening had been so perfect. He hadn’teven mentioned their abrupt departure on Sunday or the cruel wordsthey both had said to one another. His writings were beckoning herand as much as she wanted to be near him, she couldn’t wait to getback to continue reading so she could learn more about him.

Staring at the crackling fire, she becamelost in her thoughts. Burnt and unrecognizable…Unrecognizable from what? From whom he once was? Then that wouldmean he wasn’t always like this.

A warm blanket and strong arms suddenlyencompassed her and held her close.

“You’re freezing. What are you doing outhere?” Victor’s voice seemed distant.

“Thinking,” she curled into him.

His arms squeezed tighter yet. Managing nomore than a hoarse whisper, he breathed into her ear, “I wish I wasinside your head to hear your thoughts. You would never have tospeak you desires, I could just sit close like this and feel everyone of your dreams and wishes and fulfill them one by one.”

His deep voice simmered with barely checkedpassion and his words stoked the already out-of-control fire he hadignited within her. Her heart clenched and she looked up into hiseyes. They were focused on the flames and reflecting the red embersin the darkened room.

“Why do you say things like that to me?”

He blinked rapidly and met her gaze.

“Is this part of your game, Mr. Black?” sheimplored.

He pushed the hair from her eyes and kissedher forehead tenderly. “No, my words are real and this is the realme.”

Without saying anything, she mentally beggedhim to kiss her, but he only sat staring down at her, visiblystruggling internally with his emotions. Gently, he pushed heraway.

“You’re free to leave.”

Why couldn’t he just accept what she wasoffering? She sat on her knees for a long moment not even knowingherself what she was trying to offer him before rising to leave.She climbed the stairs to the bedroom slowly and gathered her bag,a sinking feeling starting to overwhelm her with each of her steps.She descended the stairs to see Victor waiting by the open doorwith the blanket wrapped around his body. She wasn’t even sure howshe was getting home until she saw a cab parked on the streetwaiting for her. On the verge of breaking down, she was unable tolook him in the eyes. She gulped loudly and stepped forward whenshe felt a tear roll down her cheek.

He reached out and brushed it away with histhumb. “No tears tonight, Elsa.”

She looked at him bewildered. “I thought youliked my tears?”

“I do, but not tonight.”

17: Light vs. Dark

Standing just inside the open door, Victorwatched as the cab drove away. Guilt was ever present and he triedto brush it off like he had done countless times, but he couldn’t.Not this time. Not as easily. He hadn’t been so conflicted over awoman in years. Where the hell was it coming from? He suspected ithad everything to do with the intense scrutiny he was feelingregarding the Cambridge case and his workload, and nothing toactually do with the female in question. At least he hoped that wasthe case. There was no way in hell he would allow himself to getattached to a Chapter. Love or anything remotely like it didn’t fitonto his agenda. He shook his head and sighed. Elsa. Heneeded to stop thinking of her as only a number. But why?

The dream… the vivid and macabreimages were still lingering in his memory and he never wanted to bethat man; not in real life; not even in a dream. The work he wasdoing with his Chapters was keeping him from being that person.They helped to keep his mind off the inevitable truth of hisancestry and distract him from the darkness that threatened toovertake him.

Even though the blood of the brutal man hecalled his father was coursing through his veins as was his cruelmother’s, he tried to convince himself that he was still his ownman. He was doing something constructive with his character flawsand using them for something good by helping people who couldn’thelp themselves. Wasn’t he? He clenched his jaw. Who the fuck didhe think he was kidding? Himself, that’s who. It was better that helied to himself than to allow the ugly truth of what he had done toall those Chapters seep into his thoughts.

God damn Chapter One.

Seating himself at the table, he reached forhis journal. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of man he mighthave turned out to be if One had never come into his life. Would hebe kinder? Less cruel? A loving man with a family of his own? Orwould he be just some wishy-washy, half-rate FBI agent barelypulling his own weight? Or worse yet, some pussy-whipped asshole inan unhappy relationship with a woman who would never allow him toexplore his dark side? He would never know and he didn’t want to.These were the cards life dealt him and was going to play them forall their worth.

Your persistence with trying to figure meout, C8, is getting infuriating and will only get you into trouble.My thoughts have now taken a turn toward the malevolent side and mydreams of recent are distressing. You’re pushing me and I’m near mybreaking point. My sanity is already questionable and I fear whatmight happen if you drive me too far to the edge. I don’t want tohurt you, either physically or emotionally, though it’s inevitableat this point for your heart and spirit to be broken once I’m donewith you. Though I do admit to wanting to break you, it’s yourwillpower that I want to defeat, not your heart and sure as hellnot your spirit.

Will my cruelty and distance obliterate yourinner light like mine was snuffed out? I hope not…that’s never beenmy intention. Or has it? I can no longer tell the differencebetween what I want and what I need.

My brain is cluster fuck right now andyou, in no small way, have contributed to that. C1 started all this fucked-up mess and now

Frustrated with himself for thinking aboutthe one person he thought he had put behind him, he left the lastsentence unfinished and furiously crossed a line through it.Turning to a section designated as his own chapter, hecontinued.

Will I age with grace? Am I going to leavemy mark on this world? My life is ticking by and I’m beginning tofeel as though nothing has been accomplished - all my time wastedon Chapters, people, who can’t see what I’m trying to do for themor don’t want the kind of help I’m offering. Am I really helpingthem? To admit that I’m doing anything else would force me toaccept a reality I’m not ready to face. Not yet. Not until my workis done. When will that day come…? I wish someone could tellme.