He slammed his journal closed, threw itacross the room and sunk low into the chair. He leaned forward andfisted his hair, his body and mind near the breaking point. Heneeded to get the Cambridge Killer. And, God, how he needed tobreak Elsa. He had to make her understand that there was no futurewith him and that the light that she was so convinced was ineveryone had flickered out long ago, and there was no rekindlingit.

***

The drive back to Elsa’s apartment wasagonizing. She held her tears rigidly until she stepped foot intoher home. Even then, she only allowed herself a brief moment ofgrief. She was tired of the tears. She hated them. She dropped herbag on the floor and stared at the dark, empty room. There wasnothing and no one for her there. Not Victor. Not Mr. Black. Sheturned and walked out without a second thought. Mr. Black’smanuscript was whispering to her from across town, demanding to beread and dissected. The real Victor was in there somewhere, onthose pages, waiting to be exposed.

She caught a bus to her office building andwhen she entered, security looked her over curiously. She made upsome lame excuse as to why she was there on a Friday night when sheshould be out living her life; what little of one she had.

The late spring night was beautiful and theweather outside was almost perfect making her wish she was outenjoying it instead of obsessing over a man she knew was broken andcompletely wrong for her. She sighed miserably. Poor Victor, he waswrong for everyone, even himself. Opening a window, a cool, dampbreeze blew in and whipped her hair around. Victor’s faint scentfilled the room. She smelled of him.

Turning to the page she had left off with,she decided it best to not read anymore about Peyton, themasochist. Her heart and stomach couldn’t take it. Anyway, what wasto be gleaned from reading all the gory details of that unspeakableencounter? Would she learn anything new about him? Maybe… but notthe kind of things she wanted to really know and nothing good wouldbe achieved by reading what Mr. Black was capable of puttinganother human being through.

It was Victor that she wanted to learn about.She would just have to save the rest of that chapter for anotherday; a day when she could see past the darkness he said he couldn’tdeny; a day when she knew for sure that there was still lightwithin him.

She flipped through the pages until she cameto a new Chapter.

Chapter 4 – Jordan, age 40. Profession:Project Manager

Prologue: We were introduced at a cityfundraiser by none other than the Mayor of our lovely city. It washard to deny the attraction felt between the two of us. I can onlyguess it was just as much a surprise to you as it was to me. I feltyour eyes on me the entire evening. It’s a strange thing when onerealizes they are attracted to the same sex, most especially whenit has never happened to this degree before.

Elsa’s eyes froze on the words samesex. She glanced at the name and profession again. Victor wasbisexual? She never would have guessed. Never. She pridedherself on her ability to pick up on that sort of thing and notonce did she ever get the impression that he was bisexual. Maybehe’s not. Perhaps he’s gay and in denial? She huffed under herbreath. Victor Laurenzo, aka Mr. Black, was not homosexual.The way he fucked and knew his way around a pussy… there was no wayin hell he was gay.

If I weren’t so interested in finding outhow your lean physique would feel under my control, I might havefelt sorry for your gorgeous wife and children that you werewearing on your arm like a badge of heterosexuality and as somesort of confirmation of your thinly-veiled masculinity. I’m oftentimes amazed at how easy it is for me to see through strangers’façades when the ones they love can’t even see the real peoplehiding beneath their masks. It’s a God-given talent, I suppose, andit has served me well in my profession.

Elsa frowned. Not at the thought of Victorbeing attracted to man but because Jordan was married withchildren. It was natural for men to be attracted to each other onsome primal level, no matter how much they may deny that littlefact, just like it was inherent for women to be attracted toone another, at least in her opinion and experience. It was ironicthat he was writing about people wearing masks when he was wearingone himself. He may be a brilliant man, but he really was a man inserious denial.

It was a big step for me to move forwardwith you, but your utter maleness was hard to resist. I wasn’t sureyou would accept my offer and I might end up with not only a blackeye, but a bruised ego, however, my initial perception about youwas spot-on. I’m even convinced that if I hadn’t come forward andmade the first move, you would’ve done it yourself. Being anex-Marine, you’re known for going after what you want and gettingthe bad guy. I like that. It’s something we share in common. AndI’m very bad, Mr. Faux-Machismo.

I’m more excited about exploring yourcharacter and personality than I have been about a Chapter in quitesome time. My only hope is that you like to play hard and can takeit deep. How far will you let me push you, C4? Your denial of yoursexuality will be interesting to dissect and your body will bepleasurable distraction from the real world.

Is that what all these Chapters were to him?A distraction? Is that what she was? She supposed in hisline of work, he might need someone to take his mind off of thehorrific things he must see, but that’s what hobbies are for.Hobbies like golfing, hiking and mountain climbing; not playingwith people’s hearts and mind fucking them. She prayed Jordan faredwell in Mr. Black’s game, though on some level she hoped he gotwhat was coming to him for cheating on his wife and family.

Her father had done the same thing and thememories of that time in her life were still as raw now as theywere then. He chose another woman over her beautiful, but less thangracious, mother. Her father had made the conscious decision toabandon his family to satiate his own selfish wants. Elsa was onlyfourteen when it all happened and everything that occurred afterthat came down to her feelings of wanting to be seen and heard. Herway to deal with her parent’s nasty divorce was to be rebelliousand to fight any and all authority every step of the way. Nick hadhis own way of coping: by over-achieving. That one selfish act onher father’s part changed them both completely and shook hermother’s world so badly, her mom was never the same person againeither.

How could Mr. Black allow his sexualattraction threaten an established family? And Jordan… he was nowon her shit-list for doing the same thing her father had done.Still… she was too intrigued to stop reading.

Pre-activity:

You’re a difficult man to deal with, but I will holdsteadfast until you get a clean bill of health. I will not waiveron that point.

It has now been two weeks and you still have notproven your sexual cleanliness to me. Your casualness and seeminglyless-than-affected attitude about making me wait is grating on mynerves. I don’t fucking wait, C4. Not for anyone. I have given youthree days to either do so or else I will move on, despite how Imuch I want to be buried inside your ass.

The deadline was not met and I was alreadyseeking another subject when you came to me with your papers.You will pay for making me wait foryou.