My mind was sluggish and my movements were slow. I stared out the window while he drove to my apartment. If I were sober, I’d be scared to death. I would think this wasn’t a good idea. But tonight, alcohol was numbing me.

He parked outside then walked with me up the stairs. When we reached the landing, he groped me and kissed me. His erection rubbed against my hip, telling me exactly what he wanted.

We hit the door and he pressed me into it, gripping my thigh while he shoved his tongue into my mouth. I dropped my clutch so I couldn’t get my keys out.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” he said into my ear.

No one had ever said that to me before. I wasn’t sure I liked it. “Are you going to keep kissing me or make good on your word?”

He smirked then grabbed my clutch from the ground, shoving it into my arms. “Get the door open.” The intensity was in his eyes.

When I moved to turn around, he was yanked off of me.

“Get away from her.” Ash gripped him by the throat then shoved him hard to the ground.

“What the fuck?” Kyle cringed when he looked up. “I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t.” I looked at Ash, unsure what was happening. “What the hell are you doing?”

Ash kept staring at Kyle, the rage on his face. “Leave. Now.”

“Mind your own business, asshole.”

Ash kicked him hard in the side then punched him in the face. “Go or I’ll break your ribs.”

Kyle slowly got to his feet, gripping his side. “Shit…” He headed down the stairs, trying not to fall.

“What’s wrong with you?” I marched to Ash, feeling the anger.

“What’s wrong with me?” He gave me the same look of fury. “You’re picking up guys at bars and fucking them at your apartment? You’re obviously drunk and don’t know what the hell you’re doing.”

“I know perfectly well what I’m doing. It’s my decision to make and I can do what I want.”

“Not on my watch.” He clenched his fists while he stared me down. “You’re too good for this.”

I shoved him hard in the chest, feeling the emotion break the surface. “If I’m too good then why did Jace treat me like shit? Why did my parents leave? I’m not valuable. I’m just like everyone else. And if I want to get drunk and screw some guy I will.”

“No.” That was all he said.

I put my hands on my hips. “What? Are you just mad it isn’t you?”

His eyes narrowed.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you? That’s what you said. You just wanted to get in and get out then move on. Right?”

His body tensed and his shoulders straightened.

“So, come on. Let’s do it. It really doesn’t make a difference if it’s him or you.” I shoved him so hard he slammed into his door. Then I pressed myself against him and kissed him.

Ash’s lips were unresponsive. He remained immobile while I gave him my best moves. He breathed hard, trying to fight it. Then he reciprocated. He kissed me hard, crushing his mouth against mine, and his hands dug into my hair. The longing and desire leaked from his skin and into mine. He was a much better kisser than Kyle. It wasn’t sloppy and wet. It was purposeful and sexy. He sucked my bottom lip then breathed into my mouth.

“Fuck, you’re good at that.” I gripped his face and kissed him harder.

He reached behind him then got the door open. We practically fell into the apartment, but he supported both of us with his strength. He was over a foot taller than me so I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips. After he slammed the door closed, he scooped me up and pulled my legs around his waist. He held me against the door while he kissed me.

I wasn’t nervous. All I knew was that I wanted him, wanting to feel his lips all over my body. I wanted to feel him inside me, stretching me. I didn’t suck in bed. I could prove that I didn’t.

He moved me down the hall and into his bedroom. Then he sat me down and moved on top of me. My legs squeezed his waist, holding him to me. His sheets felt soft underneath me, and my head rested on the pillow. His lips worshipped mine. His tongue made my spine shiver.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt then pulled it up.

He abruptly broke our kiss then grabbed my hand, steadying me. The desire faded from his eyes and he breathed hard, but a change had occurred. Then he pulled away. “I can’t do this…”

I sat up. “Why?”

“It’s wrong.” That was all he said. He didn’t look at me again.

“What? You can sleep with any other girl but you can’t sleep with me?”

“You aren’t just any other girl,” he snapped.

I yanked down the strands of my dress then pulled it off. Other than my underwear, I was naked. “Come on. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

Ash wouldn’t look at me.

“Why am I not good enough for you?” I felt the tears form under my eyes.

“No.” His voice was quiet. “It’s the other way around, Alaska.”

I gripped his arm and tried to pull him to me. He wouldn’t budge. “What’s stopping you?”

“You’re drunk.”

“So? All the girls you fuck are usually drunk.”

“You’re different.”

“How?”

“You just are,” he snapped. He yanked his arm away. “The next morning, they regret what they did. They let me use them, and that hurts them, wounds them. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“I don’t care, Ashe.”

“Well, I do. I don’t want you to regret me. That’s not how I want this to go. If you ever want to sleep with me, I don’t want it to be like this. I want you to look at me and feel something for me. I want you to be sober. I want it to mean something.”

Where was all this coming from?

He stood up, still not looking at me. “I know you’re going through a hard time, but fucking random guys isn’t going to solve your problem. I know Jace hurt you, but don’t change who you are because of it. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, on the inside as well as the outside. You’re the kind of woman I dream about.  You’re perfect in every way. I enjoy your silence as well as your company. I love the fact you care more about quality than quantity. I love the fact that you’re devastatingly beautiful but you’re completely ignorant to it. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, and I will not let you ruin that for one stupid asshole.”

I sat still, unsure what to say.

“I’m sleeping on the couch.” He walked out, still not looking at me, and then shut the door.

I wanted to chase after him, to continue the conversation, but I felt dizzy and uncoordinated. His bed was so comfy and I didn’t want to get up. Vertigo took me and I couldn’t think straight. I lay back on his pillow then felt the sleep descend. Within seconds, I passed out on Ash’s bed.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Ash

I’d been watching her apartment through my peephole on and off all night. I had to know she got home safely. If she didn’t return by one in the morning, I was going to call her.

When she showed up with some asshole, sucking his face off, I wasn’t pleased. He didn’t give a shit about her. He just wanted to get between her legs and come hard. He wouldn’t call her again. She would just give him something to brag about. She would regret it the next morning, and it would only make her feel worse with every passing day.

So I got rid of him.

But I didn’t expect the next part. She kissed me, slamming me into the door. The instant our lips touched, my breath was pulled out of my lungs. The alcohol was heavy on her breath, but I still loved her taste. I’d wanted to kiss her since the moment I set eyes on her and I was too weak to resist her. I’d fantasized about her, imagined how good it would feel to kiss her.

Even drunk, she met every expectation.

I carried her into my bed, feeling my desire come forth. I’d wanted to get between her legs since our first conversation. I wanted her to moan and scream under me, feeling the same level of pleasure. I wanted to rock her world and make her come hard just before I released.