But then I stopped.

I saved her from an asshole that wanted to use her, and I was about to do the same thing. Alaska had become my friend when I didn’t expect it, and she became something more on the way. As much as I tried to deny my feelings, I knew she was very special to me. I’d sacrifice anything for her. She didn’t even need to ask.

So I couldn’t go through with it. It was damn hard to say no, but I did. The last thing I wanted was to be a regret. I didn’t want to sacrifice the relationship we’d built over the last four months. It wasn’t worth a night of drunken sex. I wanted her, really wanted her, but on different terms.

I couldn’t count the number of drunken girls I picked up at a bar and took advantage of. I fucked them without remorse then never thought about them again. I got off, so I couldn’t care less what happened to them.

But I would never do that with Alaska…because I cared about her.

I slept on the couch but didn’t get much sleep. I kept thinking about the kiss we shared. My body had never been lit up like that. She made me pant and moan with just a simple kiss. It took a lot more to get me hot, but with her, it didn’t require much.

When she stripped off her dress, it took all my restraint not to look. I’d imagined what her naked body looked like countless times. She was all curves and valleys. I wanted to run my tongue alone every groove. I wanted my face to be between her legs, tasting her.

But I stayed strong and looked the other way.

She never would have shed her clothes in front of me if she weren’t drunk. It was wrong to take advantage of her disability. But that didn’t make it easy.

I woke up early and made a pot of coffee. Then I started studying, knowing she wouldn’t wake up for hours. I kept her in my bed so I could keep an eye on her. I didn’t want her to sneak off and do something stupid.

When it was noon, my bedroom door finally opened.

I waited for her to walk down the hallway and appear. When she didn’t make a move, I wondered what she was waiting for.

Then her small feet hit the hard wood floor lightly, coming closer to me. She finally rounded the corner, her dress back on. It was wrinkly and there was a faint beer stain on the front. She didn’t wear her heels, and her hair was a mess. Her makeup was smeared across her face. She had raccoon eyes.

But somehow, inexplicably, she looked beautiful—like always.

I stared at her, waiting for her to speak first.

She rubbed her head as she approached the other side of the table. “I have a migraine…”

She was lucky that was all she had. “Sit down. I’ll get you some Aspirin.” I stood up then pulled a chair out for her.

She eyed it hesitantly before she sat down, pulling her dress down so her thighs wouldn’t be exposed.

I disappeared into the kitchen and fetched everything for her. I made French toast and eggs, and brewed a pot of coffee. And I poured her a glass of orange juice. When I set it before her, she looked like she might faint.

“This looks so good…”

“Then eat it before it gets cold.” I sat back down and returned to studying.

She ate quietly, moving like a sloth. She downed her juice then finished off her coffee. Her plate was spotless by the time she was through. She kept her eyes averted and she remained quiet.

She rubbed her temples then slouched over the table.

“It’ll go away. Give it time.”

“Thank you for breakfast,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome.”

She still didn’t look at me. It was like she was embarrassed to.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” Maybe she didn’t.

“Yes…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m sorry for my behavior.”

“It’s okay.”

She covered her face sighed. “I guess I just wanted to prove something.”

“To who?”

“I don’t know…myself. I saw Jace at the bar with that girl. I was going to walk away from Kyle but I just got so upset…I made a hasty decision, wanting to make myself feel better.”

“You don’t need to prove anything, Alaska. When a woman doesn’t mind being alone, that’s how you know she’s strong. If you don’t want to go out and sleep with strangers, don’t. That’s not you.”

“But why can’t it be…? Look at you. You’re happy with your life.”

I was happy? “Alaska, I’m miserable.”

“You are?” She finally shifted her eyes to me.

“Yeah.” I swallowed the lump in my throat while I looked at her.

“Why?”

Should I tell her the truth? That I had feelings for her…in a way I never felt before? But she was so fragile. And I didn’t want to put too much pressure on her. Now wasn’t the time. “I’m tired of having meaningless sex. I never get close enough to the fire to be burned, but I’m so far away that I freeze. I want to be warm, even if I have to risk the sting of the flames.”

“Then why don’t you stop?”

She obviously didn’t pay as much attention to me as I did to her. “I haven’t slept with anyone in over two months—almost three.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

She looked at me with new eyes. “What does this mean? You’re going to start dating?”

There’s only one girl I’d like to date. “I’m not sure.”

She rested her chin on her hand. “I feel so stupid now…”

“Why?” What did that mean?

“I just…I was being an idiot. I’m so glad you were there, Ash. I would have gone through with it then loathed myself later.”

I was glad she saw it that way. “What are friends for?”

She focused her gaze on me. Her brown eyes were hypnotic, blinding. “Thank you for being there for me…you’ve been so sweet to me for the past few months. I really appreciate it. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Feeling brave, I grabbed her hand on the table. “You’re welcome. I really care about you, Alaska. I want you to be happy.”

She nodded. “I need to stop moping around and let Jace get to me. I need to move on.”

“But in a better way this time,” I teased.

She chuckled. “Yeah…definitely.”

I didn’t pull my hand away. I didn’t want this connection to end, to sever this feeling. “Have you tried out your new lens?”

“No, not yet.” She sighed. “I need to get back to work.”

“Let’s head to the beach and give it a try.”

“Today?”

I had homework to do, but it didn’t seem important anymore. “Yeah.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Get ready and we’ll go.”

“Okay.”

I walked her to the front door then waited for her to walk out.

“Ash?”

“Hmm?” I stared down at her, having a strong urge to hold her.

“I’m sorry that I kissed you…threw myself at you.”

I didn’t mind. I enjoyed every second of it. “It’s not a big deal, Alaska.”

“Okay…I just don’t want you to feel awkward around me.”

“I don’t.” I want to kiss you again.

“And…thanks for not sleeping with me.”

That went straight to my heart. I was glad I didn’t give into my desire at the moment. I held back, knowing it was wrong. I wanted to have her, but in a much different way. “Yeah…”

She cupped my face then pressed her lips to my cheek.

My heart burned at the touch. It was so spontaneous, so intimate. It was the only kiss I’d ever received from someone who carried so much weight. Feeling her lips to my skin made my spine shiver. It was a moment I’d never forget.

“Thanks for everything.” Then she turned around and walked into her apartment.

I stood there, still processing the kiss that swept me off my feet.

We headed to Pacific Beach then stood under the pier.

“It’s overcast,” I said. “Will you get any good shots?”

“Actually, overcast weather is the best for lighting.”

I never knew that.

She walked further along the sand until she found a seashell along the shore. She stared at it for a long time before she picked it up and moved it a few times. She positioned it on the side then turned it again. When she was finally satisfied, she stood back and held the camera at different angles. I didn’t realize photography took so much time. Then she snapped a few shots.