He was staring straight at me, never removing his gaze. “No, thank you.”

“No, thank you,” I added.

She walked away.

Ash didn’t look at her. It didn’t seem like he cared. I wasn’t sure why that meant so much to me. Ash didn’t owe me anything, and even if he did, there was nothing wrong with looking. But it went straight to my heart anyway. For the first time, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the room.

And that scared me.

Ash ate with perfect etiquette and kept his elbows off the table. He never left a mark around his lips or dropped a crumb.

I picked at my food, too nervous to feel a real appetite.

When our meal was finished, the beautiful waitress returned with the tab.

Ash handed the cash to her without looking at her. “I don’t need change.”

‘Thank you, sir.” She gave him a flirty stare before she sauntered away.

Ash didn’t check out her ass as she left.

“Are you finished?” he asked politely.

“Yes.”

“Are you ready to go?”

I nodded.

When he stood up, he pulled my chair out for me.

It would take me a while to get used to his politeness.

We reached his car, and he opened the door for me like before. Then he shut it behind me.

Was this a date?

He got in beside me then started the engine. “You can pick the music if you like.”

I checked his CD’s and put in Crimson Kings.

He smirked slightly. “Excellent choice.”

The short drive was spent in silence. I glanced to his hands, wondering where they were. He rested one on his armrest and the other gripped the wheel. I tried to think of something to say but nothing came to my mind. Besides, the quiet was nice.

We arrived at the apartment then ascended the stairs. My purse was tucked tightly under my arm. I felt nervous even though I wasn’t sure why. Ash walked me to my door then stood across from me.

“Thank you for dinner.” I didn’t bother trying to pay because I already knew he wouldn’t let me.

“You’re more than welcome.”

Silence stretched between us. We never used to be awkward with each other, but now that’s all we were. I felt the tension in the air, the sexual excitement. Any time he looked at me, I looked down, afraid to face my own feelings. He excited me, made me think things I shouldn’t. I waited for him to walk away but he didn’t.

He inched closer to me, a whisper away. “Alaska, I really like you.”

The chills ran down my body.

“Actually, I more than like you.” He stared into my eyes while he said it. “I know I didn’t make the best first impression. I was disrespectful and rude. But I’m not like that anymore. Ever since I met you, I’ve slowly started to change. I’ve tried blocking people out since I can remember, but I was even worse after my sister’s incident. All my walls were up and I refused to let anyone in. But you snuck past every defense and went straight to my heart.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“I didn’t like Jace because he didn’t treat you right. He was blind to what was right in front of him. But not only did I hate him because he didn’t work his ass off just to make you smile, but because I wanted you to myself. Whenever you were with him, all I felt was pain. I thought sleeping around would make me feel better but it didn’t. It just made me feel worse.

“When I saw him with someone else, I snapped. I slammed a broken beer bottle on his head and almost killed him. I was pulled back so I wouldn’t end his life then and there. Knowing I found a reason to end your relationship with him gave me no satisfaction. I was livid that he would take you for granted. You didn’t deserve that kind of pain.

“And when I found the proof to make you leave him, I hated myself. I didn’t want to show it to you. I didn’t want you to see it. When you’re in pain, I’m in pain. If I could rewrite history, I would make Jace be the boyfriend you wanted just so you could be happy, even if that meant I couldn’t have you myself. Never in my life have I had selfless thoughts, but with you, you’re always first.

“The moment he was gone from your life, I stopped hooking up. I knew you needed time to recover, and I knew there was no guarantee that you might feel something for me when you were ready to, but I couldn’t stand the idea of being with someone else when I felt this strongly about you. I don’t want any other girl in my bed. I just want you.

“When I saw you come home with that guy, I snapped again. Not only did I not want you to be with someone besides me, but I didn’t want you to make a mistake you would regret. The fact you feel like you need to change because of Jace breaks my heart, because you’re damn perfect the way you are. Maybe he doesn’t see every good piece of you, but I do. I see everything, Alaska. You’re the first girl who’s ever made me jealous, to make me take a harder look at myself, and the first one to make me take a risk. I’m so scared of getting burned again, but I can’t stand in the cold a moment longer when I feel your warmth every day.

“When I kissed you, it just solidified my feelings even more. I’ve never felt that explosive energy before. My lips burned long after you were gone. My body yearned for you. I fantasized about that moment a million times but I never imagined how wonderful it would be. It felt right, Alaska. It felt like you were the only girl I’d ever kissed. When I took you to my bed, believe me, I didn’t want to stop. But I wanted it to happen when I meant more to you. The last thing I ever wanted to be was someone you would regret, someone you wouldn’t trust to protect you.”

My breathing increased as I processed his words. I knew there was something between us, but I didn’t expect those beautiful words. Ash and I butted heads from the beginning but so much had changed. I couldn’t recall when it happened, but the night he held my hand outside the galley is when it all began. Jace was in my life so I was immune to the feeling, but it was always there.

Ash watched my reaction. “I don’t just want to be your friend. I want to be something more. I can’t pretend that I don’t think about you every second of the day. I can’t pretend that I’m not dying to hold you. I can’t pretend that I wouldn’t sacrifice everything just to make you smile. I can’t pretend that I don’t care because I do. More than I ever thought possible.”

I stood still, hearing his words echo in my mind. I didn’t expect such a heartfelt conversation to happen on my doorstep. But it did. “Honestly, I never expected you to say any of that.”

“I didn’t either,” he whispered.

“I…I feel something for you too.” I didn’t see the point in denying it. “Knowing you were there for me when I needed someone made me realize how different you were. Every conversation we’d had only revealed how much of a mask you put on. I’ve always known you were a sweet guy despite the façade you project. I don’t know when my feelings started, but they are there.”

His hands moved around my waist, resting on my hips. He never touched me that way before. The gesture was foreign but comfortable at the same time.

“And when we kissed…I felt something.”

He moved closer to me, his hips almost touching mine.

The closeness between us felt right. No one except Jace had touched me this way, But I felt like Ash had done it a thousand times. His hips pressed into my skin with just the right amount of pressure, making me feel alive but safe at the same time.

But I couldn’t deny the scars on my heart. I couldn’t lie and say trust came easy for me. Jace hurt me more than I cared to admit, and it made me question everything, even people I loved. We’d only been broken up for two months. That wasn’t long enough for me to move on. And I wasn’t sure if I even wanted a relationship again. “But I don’t think I can give you what you’re asking of me…”I closed my eyes as I said it, feeling horrible for rejecting him.