“You will then say; “Gosh, you’re really pretty and all but I have to inform you that if you don’t accept my date proposal my friend Isis is gonna come over here and do her freaky thing and trust me no one wants that”.”

“You’ve been doing your freaky thing forever on him, though.”

“True.”

“It’s fine, I’ll figure it out, okay? You’re right – the first step is to fix my makeup and go back out there!”

  She turns to the mirror to retouch her delightfully trashed movie star face and it’s that exact moment I realize it’s time for an intervention. I march back outside, down my entire cup of soda, and plop next to Jack.

“Kayla stares at your butt a lot.” I announce.

“Yes,” He agrees.

That’s it. One word. Yes. I swell with indignation, but before I have the chance to explode all over him he adds; “It tends to happen a lot.”

I suddenly become aware of how weary and adult-like and around-the-block Jack is.

“Have you ever had sex?” I blurt.

Jack closes his eyes.

I immediately start backpedaling, past what I just said, past the day I learned what the word sex meant, and for good measure, past my own date of birth.

“Just, wow. You don’t have to answer that. Actually I only brought it up. Because. Uh. It’s a survey! For…sex ed! And the teacher was all like; interview one person who you totally think is a weirdo and has never had sex ever because they are a fat lazy virgin and get back to me with a ten page report on Monday. So.”

“I tend to keep my private affairs to myself,” Jack sighs. Kayla comes out of the bathroom and bowls her turn, giving Jack serious goo-goo eyes.

“So that means you have!”

He glares at me with much fervor. At least nine fervors.

“Sorry. You’re an escort. Of course you’ve had it. Was it weird? Sex? Is it weird?”

Jack sighs again, and I push on.

“Because! You know, I’ve thought about it.” I lower my voice. “Sex. Seeeeex. I mean, why the hell am I whispering? SEX! SEX!”

Kayla drops her ball. Wren looks to be in slight pain. Avery pretends not to know any of us and mutters ‘freak’ under her breath. I point at her.

“I heard that!”

She scoffs and adds more booze to her soda. I shake my fist at her and spin around to face Jack again.

“I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we were just conversing about! Alas. I will forever remember this time we spent together affectionately and oh god I remember now you pervert!”

“You were the one who shouted ‘sex’!” He hisses.

“You were the one who was born, so really I think that’s the root of the problem.”

“The root of the problem is you. Are fucking. Insane.”

“That’s not the point!” I slosh my soda in the general direction of everywhere. “The point is do you see that fine piece of ass over there who happens to be my kind of friend because she’s really into you and she’s the prettiest nicest goddamn girl in school and I only barely approve of you and if you crush her pure maiden heart I will pull your pancreas out through your nose and feed it back to you in a drip inserted into your anus is that clear?”

He opens his mouth, and for once, nothing snarky comes out of it. He leans back and folds his arms over his shirt.

“What if I pay you?” I ask. He smells like spices and soap and honey again and it’s extremely unhelpful slash gross.

“Pay me what?”

“Pay you to take her out. I’ve got some saved up, I can –”

He scoffs, in that you-can’t-afford-me way.

“Two hundred. Just to take her out and be nicey-nice like I saw you be with Madison.”

He glowers, icy eyes freezing my insides. He musses his hair up in frustration and makes a half-snarl in the back of his throat.

“Fine. I’ll go out with Kayla for two hundred.”

I make a quiet hiss of victory. “Where?”

“Saturday. The Red Fern, at seven. It’s a Thai place downtown. I don’t care if she’s allergic. That’s the only place I can go where they won’t recognize me from my escort work.”

“Cool. Obviously I will be going along.”

“What?” He snaps.

“To make sure you’re nice.” I smile. “Gotta make sure I’m getting my money’s worth! She needs this more than you know.”

Jack and I are the highest scores in the game, and at the tenth round, we’re tied by two points. He bowls a double strike. I have to get a turkey, or it’s over. I hold my ball up and breathe, trying to tune out Kayla’s crazy loud cheering and Wren’s sensible encouragement. Avery even snarks at me not to mess up. I get a double, and on my final round I eye the lane like it’s a live snake. Don’t bite me, lane. C’mon, we’re friends, even if you’re a reptile and I’m a mammal. Friendship knows no racial bounds.

I slip, and the ball plunks into the gutter and rolls happily away. Jack and I are dead tied. Wren and Kayla pat me on the back, and Avery tips her head back and downs more booze as she puts her shoes back on.

“Might wanna lay off on that,” I say.

“Mind your own business, fat girl,” she snaps. Kayla pokes her head between us.

“Don’t worry, I’m driving her.”

“Driving me insane,” Avery sighs. Jack and I are the last two to put our shoes back on. He sighs and shrugs.

“Neither of us won, but I might as well have. We both know I bowled a more tactically sound game. Your style is a huge illogical mess.”

“Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn’t bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass.”

I smirk as I saunter away, leaving Jack to feel the back of his jeans wildly. I hear a swear and feel a sharp something ping lightly off my head. The fat counter guy burps.

“Uh, that guy just threw a chip at you.”

“He’s mad I won, good sir,” I sigh happily. “And he’s mad because he’s just now realizing I’m going to keep on winning.”

  -9-

3 Years

17 Weeks

4 Days

Jack Hunter is moving towards me without a shirt on and it is half-glorious and half-heart-attack-inducing and something in my stomach gurgles like I want to vomit. He smiles, but not like he smiled with Madison. He smiles like he means it, a soft, golden curve of his lips, and it somehow makes him look even stupidly handsomer.

“Jack,” I start, my throat tensing up. “You’re half naked!”

For some reason I’m wearing a low-cut bodice but I can’t remember how I got in one of these. It’s something straight out of the cheap romance novels I caught Jack checking out in the library.

Jack leans towards me, the smell of his honey-spice cologne wafting up, his bright blue eyes piercing into me as he leans down and nuzzles my neck. His lips are soft and warm as he says in a low voice;

“Would you like to help with the other half?”

And then suddenly the room is red, and there are roses everywhere, and the escort club receptionist that I called is sitting behind a desk watching us but for some reason she looks like Kayla, who frowns, sees Jack kissing my neck, and keels over, dead.

“Ahh!” I bolt upright in my bed, sweat cooling on my forehead. It’s the middle of the night. I’m in my own room in reality, hugging the stuffing out of Ms. Muffin. Jack’s abs have disappeared into thin air, and Kayla is not dead. At least I hope not. I reach up to feel my neck and squirm – it felt so real! I get up and douse my neck with hydrogen peroxide for good measure. Dream Jack or no, any and all Jack-touching needs to be disinfected immediately, lest I catch his fathead shitbaby germs.

The next morning at school I have to make sure Kayla is not, in fact, dead because my entire world is ending and I need to talk to her about it. She’s standing under a tree talking to Avery, but I have to make doubly sure she isn’t dead, so I inch up and poke her in the butt. Several times.

“Isis! What are you doing?”