Perhaps I should be reminded of that more often, because I still tend to treat him like he is. He’s too

precious to me to behave otherwise. I’ve always been different around him, but it feels like I’m even

more so now that we’re together.

There’s so much he doesn’t know about me. And that is a very good thing. Although it would help

sometimes if he realized that not everyone’s brought up in a happy home with a kid sister and a dog

named Cookie, I prefer for him to not recognize me as the hopelessly twisted lunatic I probably am.

Right, gotta get back on the sleeping pills then. They used to knock me out with the tenderness of a

sledgehammer, which might help in avoiding future domestic violence. Ah, the things you do to not

involuntary give your boyfriend solid beatings at night.

Speaking of avoiding, I haven’t seen Danny since the day he came to visit me over the summer and

left mere minutes before Casey arrived. By the way, I still get a heart attack just thinking of how

freaking close that was.

He called me on the phone several times, but I cleverly missed it all by simply never being home.

Mom handed me a small bundle of messages one night and shook her head. “I took these before he

came by later this afternoon. I had a hard time trying to convince him that you really weren’t here.

Remarkably persistent, this one.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You really should talk to him, Jimmy. Putting it off won’t solve the problem.”

As much as I love her, those words weren’t exactly what I was keen to hear. And I know that Danny

deserves at least an explanation. But that would involve me looking him in the face and resisting the

irresistible. And what am I supposed to tell him anyway?

Luckily for me, even after one week back at Woodhaven Casey is still too consumed by the usual

start of semester rush to take notice of me coming up with absurd excuses every time Danny appears on

the horizon. But that won’t work for much longer. I really might have to emigrate then.

Truth be told, I don’t trust myself when it comes to Danny. Not even enough to go over and talk to

him in a public place. The dilemma of dilemmas, when trying to avoid further damage might just have

the opposite result.

Swear to god, I had no intention of sleeping with him when I went to visit. And I seem to remember

having made that fact pretty clear to Danny, too. But you know what he’s like. And I’m still not feeling

the guilt I should be feeling. Because it was right that night, it was exactly what I needed. He was

exactly what I needed, and he knew.

But how can I be sure that it won’t happen again? I can’t be sure, and so my only chance is to stay

away. He doesn’t make it easy for me, though. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, he seems to be

there. Paranoid much, Foley?

He slid a message under my door once, just a piece of paper, folded in the middle. When I opened it,

all it said was “Jimmy Boy”. It gave me a pretty creepy Fatal Attraction moment that I so didn’t need.

But after the initial shock had passed, I recognized it for what it really was, and it made me smile.

Because I could hear him say it, close to my ear, his voice mocking, but soft. And I could see his dark

eyes twinkling at me, and that deadly “you know you want it” grin on his lips.

Good Lord, yes, I do want it. And much as I love his work, I disagree with Oscar Wilde. Yielding to

temptation can’t be the only way to get rid of it. There’s clearly another option, however unpleasant, but

without doubt effective: Castration.

* * *

Our little game of cat and mouse comes to an end when I leave after the school paper meeting on Friday

afternoon. The sky behind the large windows is gray and tired, the light falling into the corridor only

dim. And there he suddenly is. The familiar handsome figure is leaning against the wall just opposite

the door, casting a shadow on me when I stop abruptly. Some blind idiot bumps into me and pushes me

forward, closer to him.

“Hey,” Danny says, drops his cigarette and grinds it out with his toe. It’s a non-smoking building.

Too dumbfounded to even echo his smile, I stand there, holding on to my books. “Hey.”

The brown eyes are mercilessly fixed on my face. He nods to his left, smiling a little. “The exit’s that

way, if you’re going to make a run for it again.”

“Look, I didn’t…”

“What?” He pushes himself off the wall and is suddenly standing much closer than is good for me.

“You didn’t what, James? Get my messages? Ignore me? No?”

He arches an eyebrow when I don’t answer. “I must have been imagining things then.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t feel too bad about it.”

“You forgive me? For thinking so badly of you?” Danny’s eyes are just twinkling as he dances

undecided between angry and amused. You little brat prince, you’re not used to this happening to you,

are you?

For the first time since I’ve met him, he seems unsure about how to act, which road to take. I decide

to give him a nudge into the direction I myself favor clearly.

“Sure, I forgive you, this one time. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”

“I promise it won’t.” Go me. Amused is clearly winning now, and a small grin curls his lips. He

leans in closely until our bodies almost touch and whispers close to my ear, “You fucker.”

I can’t help laughing softly, and step back a little to look into his eyes. “I am. I’m sorry.”

He tilts his head slightly to the side as if trying to decide whether to actually believe me, then he

smiles mysteriously and steps past me. “Come on.”

I knew it. I knew this would happen. Like a puppet on a string I follow as he saunters down the

corridor. It freaks me out just how effortlessly he gets me to do things I don’t want to. When I’m around

him, none of that seems to matter anymore. There’s some sort of connection, obviously, although I

really don’t get it. I don’t think it’s actually possible for two people to be less alike than him and me.

And still. He gets to me in ways that I never thought anyone would.

But what on earth, I wonder, is it that draws him to me? Why did he choose me of all people, to be

the one who gets to see the softer side of this bad boy?

* * *

The door of his dorm room closes behind me with a soft click. I’m such an idiot. The treacherous, needy

fever that had taken over my body the minute I noticed where he was leading me must have melted my

brain.

“I can’t do this.”

“I know.”

We’re standing side by side, leaning against the door, and the room is very quiet, holding its breath.

Funny how I don’t feel trapped at all. Au contraire. I feel alive now, wide awake, more than I have in

weeks.

“Why,” that voice of silk asks softly, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“You know why.” I sound too hoarse, and the words get lost in the deep silence that follows.

A hand reaches out and cups my face, runs its thumb along my chin, over my lips. Instinctively I

lean into it, and my eyelids flutter closed. Breathe.

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

I swallow. Oh hell. I have a pretty good idea of how many people would kill just to hear him say

these words.

“I might get that scholarship for Berlin.”

Ack. Where did that come from? I didn’t mean to say that at all! Smart move, dude. The atmosphere

changes immediately. With a smooth motion Danny pushes himself off of the wall and looks at me with

complete surprise. “For Berlin?”

I nod, frowning a little, still trying to figure out why I told him.

“Hell.”

Yeah, I second that.

“I didn’t know you wanted to get away from me so badly.” He’s grinning now, but there’s a trace of