a frown on his forehead when he sinks down on the bed.

“It’s got nothing to do with you.”

“You sure about that?”

“This might come as a shock, but my world doesn’t revolve around you, Danny.” My moving closer

and sitting down next to him might slightly dampen the effect of the words.

He just looks at me and smiles mysteriously. “You tell yourself that, Jimmy Boy.”

“I do. And I very much agree with me.”

“Then kindly inform yourself that you’re on my bed right now.”

“So what? We’re just talking.”

“We’re never just talking, James. You know that.”

How very true. It’s foreplay. Anything that happens between us is foreplay. Unless we’re already at

it, of course.

With a small sigh I let myself fall back onto his soft mattress and stare up at the ceiling. “You told

me to tell you what to do.”

“I did.”

“Anything at all?”

“Anything.” He lies down beside me and props his head up on his arm to look down at me. Oh boy.

That voice of his does wild things to the lower half of my body.

“Then let’s just talk.” Quickly I raise my hand in a defensive gesture to stop him when he moves

closer. “Don’t touch me.”

He freezes in mid-motion, and a crooked smile curls the corner of his mouth. He looks baffled, but

impressed. And then he starts to laugh, shaking his head to himself.

“What?” I ask, my wall of self-confidence beginning to crumble. Is he laughing at me?

“Nothing.” He rolls onto his back, still smiling to himself. “I just can’t believe that I’m actually

gonna do this.”

“You are?” Great. There was no need for me to sound that surprised. There is mental head-againstthe-

wall-banging.

He willingly holds out his hands to me, grinning a little. “Tie me up if you must. Or you could just

trust me, for once.”

I laugh softly. “I might get back to you on the tying up. But I think we can do without today.”

To my utter surprise, I suddenly realize that I really do trust him. I dare myself to, but my heart is

beating loudly. And a part of me secretly wishes that he’ll let me down, just to feel his hands on me.

God knows I’m positively bleeding for it. But somehow I know that he won’t disappoint me.

“So tell me, why do you want to go to Germany?”

He’s either a far finer actor than I already know him to be, or he’s honestly interested in finding out.

And just the possibility of it makes me burn on the inside. My fingers twitch on their own account.

When I force my hand down to rest on the covers, it touches his by accident. And I leave it there.

It’s just about two inches of my skin against his, but electricity flows between us. And I know he

feels it too. The spot heats up, but neither of us pulls away. And I’m dying to grab his hand, but refuse

to, as if it were the most obscene thing.

This is not about the chemistry between us. And yet the chemistry is in everything.

Nothing I could say or do could truly shock Danny, shatter his world, or drive him away. I don’t

have to be careful around him. I don’t have to pretend. I can be me, and be real. And now I know that

this is why I’m really here. It’s why I need to be.

Chapter 2

Missing Out

CASEY: The bench on the edge of Shriner’s Park is really unusually uncomfortable. There’s a tall

statue of one of Woodhaven’s benefactors standing next to it, his face serene. James refers to him as the

“stoned dude”. I smile to myself. Somehow I doubt that that’s the expression they were going for. I’m

feeling very calm, watching as a rusty leaf sails through the air, spirals, hovers for a moment in midair,

then flutters weakly to the ground.

James is late, but I’m used to it, and don’t mind. I always tell him that he’s taking on too much. I

honestly don’t know how he manages to get grades like that with all the extra work. But it’s just one of

the things I admire about him, his determination and dedication. I wish I could be more like that.

Lost in thought, I watch a group of people leaving the building not far from me. Drama students, and

automatically my eyes search for Danny Rizzo. They gather by the front steps. Oh, here he comes. Sure

enough they were waiting for him. Someone hands him a cigarette and he leans in as they light it.

There’s a little smile on his lips that does funny things to me, and it seems to be doing even worse

things to that girl.

They all hang around near the building for a while. Something Danny says is making them laugh so

hard I can hear it from here. Now someone is giving a funny impression of someone - probably a

teacher - and the group is roaring with laughter. I can’t help but stare at Danny, looking so carefree and

much younger when he’s laughing. It just makes me ache somehow. Damn, I wish I really could hate

him.

It was a lot easier before he gave me that completely, totally mind-blowing blowjob on the beach. I

close my eyes and take a deep breath as the images come, and try hard to banish them from my mind. I

still get aroused every time I think of it. It’s horrible. I don’t like the way it made me feel. Because it

was wrong, and some things should just never happen.

I look away, to the other side, the direction James will be coming from. Something safe. Think of

something safe.

Professor Wickham’s assignment is giving me a headache and I think about it for a while. How am I

supposed to portray “fear”? I can hardly draw him a picture of a big, hairy spider, can I? I’ll have to ask

Leo what she thinks. We’re in a couple of classes together and she always has the best ideas. I’m

slightly startled when I notice someone approaching from my other side.

“I’m waiting for my man…”

Danny’s singing voice is almost as husky as Lou Reed’s, but not as curiously off-key. Damn. It’s

absolutely beautiful, just like everything about him. This is so not fair. My eyes focus on the perfectly

sun-tanned face with the laughing brown eyes as he sits down next to me uninvited, and I shrug with a

sheepish smile.

“Well, at least I have a man to wait for.”

He chuckles. “So, how was your summer, Mills? Monogamous and boring?”

“Monogamous and fun, thank you. We had a great time at our holiday lodge. Too bad you couldn’t

come.”

His eyes have that amused sparkle in them. It makes me remember why it’s simply impossible to not

have a crush on him at some point, although he’s clearly the worst person ever to fall for. Feeling the

need to say something else, I smile a little.

“And how was your summer?”

A grin flashes across his lips, but for reasons unknown, he fights to suppress it. “You wouldn’t want

to know.”

“That good?” I ask, one eyebrow arched, and he just looks at me with a secretive smile dancing on

his lips.

“Better.”

“Good for you. Did you go anywhere interesting?”

“You could say that.” There’s something about the tone of his voice that catches my attention.

“Where did you go, then?”

Our eyes meet, and Danny seems to be thinking about his answer for a moment. The topic

apparently amuses him.

Before I can get a reply, a shadow falls over the bench and we both turn our heads to see James

arrive.

“Hey.” James smiles at me and I greet him with a kiss, while Danny watches with an unreadable

expression. “Sorry I’m late, the meeting took longer.”

“No problem.”

“Have you been waiting long?”

“Not that long, no,” I lie warmly.

“Hey, Riz.” James barely looks at him.

“Hey, Jimmy.” Danny takes a last drag on his cigarette, then he drops it to grind it out.

James’ soulful eyes follow the cigarette on its way to the ground. He blows a strand of hair out of his