eyes. “So what’s up?”

“We were just talking about our summer.”

“Oh really?” James’ gaze sharply lingers on Danny for a moment. There seems to be a silent

interchange between them. Did I miss something?

“Mills tells me you both missed me.”

“Terribly. Almost as much as a third foot,” James replies sincerely, making me laugh.

Danny smirks. “Are you sure you mean foot, and not that thing between your legs?”

James’ eyes widen dramatically. “You mean that’s not a foot?”

“I could be wrong, but it strikes me as somewhat different.”

Laughing, I get up and pull James up with me. “I think that’s our cue to leave.”

“You’re such a killjoy, Millsie,” Danny grins, and gets up too.

The conversation ends with some friendly banter, then we part. But something in Danny’s eyes as he

looks at James before he turns around makes me feel uneasy. Again, I think of the threesome, this time

of watching them together. It was the first time I detected the same kind of darkness in Danny that I can

sometimes sense in James. I’ve been thinking about it often over the summer, and it worries me.

* * *

“It’s good to be back, isn’t it? I actually missed campus a little.” I smile at James as we walk along.

“I thought I was supposed to be the nerd here.”

I laugh softly, with a sudden rush of affection. “You’re not a nerd. It’s not your fault you have a

brilliant mind that demands to be kept occupied.”

“I like the way you put that.” His eyes are smiling at me, and mine are twinkling right back at him.

“Anyway, I know you must be glad to be back.”

“Yeah, but I have my reasons. You love to be home with your folks. I would too, if they were my

family.”

“They adore you, you know that, James. You’re practically part of the family. Mom would adopt you

in a flash.”

“And feed me until I weigh a ton,” he chuckles, and I laugh. Very true. She goes on and on about

how he’s too skinny. Well, in my humble opinion, he’s gorgeous and absolutely perfect.

Reaching out to casually grab my hand, he smiles mischievously. “I’m so disappointed that Janie no

longer wants to marry me, though.”

I laugh, remembering how lovesick my kid sister used to be over him. Now that she’s decorated

every corner of her room with posters of boy bands, the good old days of her James crush seem to be

officially over.

Every time I come home now, Janie has become less like a child and more like a woman. It’s both

beautiful and saddening to see. She’s no longer the little girl who loved to ride on my shoulders when

we were kids, that’s for sure.

Everything’s changed now. I look at my boyfriend for a long moment, thoughtfully, and squeeze his

hand gently. “I really should tell them about us. I don’t know why I’m such a chicken shit about it.”

“Don’t feel bad. It’s sad but true, parents tend to be open-minded only as long as it doesn’t involve

their own son telling them that they’ll never have grandchildren.”

I smile at his cynical words, but nod. I guess he’s right. “I will tell them, though. Promise. I just need

a little more time.”

“Don’t stress out about it. I understand.”

I wonder if he really does. Thing is, I always wanted to have children, a whole bunch, at least three. I

wanted to get married and be a dad. It’s so firmly set in my mind that it’s hard to let go of this ideal. But

I could never tell him that. I look at James thoughtfully. Why do things have to be so hard? It sucks that

Danny has such a way with him. It’s as if, instinctively, he understands him better than I ever could. I’m

jealous of that strange bond they seem to share, I admit it. I’m jealous of both of them for different

reasons, and it makes me feel bad.

I think of Professor Wickham’s assignment again, and suddenly I know what I’m going to draw. It’s

something vague, something darker than night, something you can’t define. Something just barely out

of your reach, but always lurking in the background. No boogeyman, no big bad, just a feeling. That

cold feeling inside that something is about to go horribly wrong. You don’t know why, when or how.

But you know it will happen eventually. Right now, that is what fear means to me.

Chapter 3

The Usual Game

DANNY: Cafe Plato is the only place on campus with decent coffee, and the need for caffeine knows no

social barriers. Which is why even I have to enter Planet Geek every now and then. The place itself isn’t

too bad, they’re going for the art nouveau / Viennese coffeehouse look and have works by former

students decorating the walls. You can always find the philosophers in the niche opposite the door,

enigmatizing amongst themselves. The writers prefer the window front where they spend hours peoplewatching

and typing away on their laptops. The theater crowd completely owns the backroom, so I’m

usually there when I come in.

Sure enough, I’m spotted immediately, and various people are waving for me to come over the

moment I enter the cafe. Trey’s at the counter, just about to fight his way back to the backroom with a

steaming mug of coffee in his hand. When he sees me, he stops and points at his coffee with a question

in his eyes. I nod, and he grins and returns to the counter to order one for me. Good boy. Suddenly

someone grabs my hand and Daria kisses me hello on the cheek.

“Danny, have you heard? Rumor has it that Jeff wants to do Arthur Miller this semester!”

“Does he?” I arch an eyebrow and grin. “I had no idea Jeff was a necrophiliac.”

She laughs and playfully slaps my arm. “Really! You’re impossible.” She begins to drag me towards

the backroom, but then I see something that makes me let go off her hand and stop.

“Go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“God, you always say that. And then we don’t see you for hours!” She shakes her head but smiles.

“Don’t be long. Everyone’s waiting.”

When she continues on her way without me, I return my attention to what made me want to stay

behind. Over there. James with Mills, at a small table on the side. I know he sees me, but he just looks

right through me, his eyes glazed over. As though he doesn’t know me at all. It stings, more than I’m

willing to accept. We’ve avoided talking to each other when the little dick of a boyfriend is present so

far, but come on. Even Mills can’t be that thick to not find that at least a little strange. So I’m thinking,

can’t hurt to make my presence known. And I head on over there. I won’t be ignored, that’s for sure.

“Rizzo,” Mills greets me with a smile. “I never see you around anymore. Are you trying to hide from

your fans or something?”

“Maybe.” My cryptic grin makes him shift uncomfortably in his seat as I grab a chair, but his smile

lingers. I can see through the friendly mask, though. He’s about as enthusiastic about being around me

as about getting his toenails ripped out. Suits me fine. Because if Mills doesn’t like me, it can only mean

that James does. As hard as J is to read sometimes, as obvious is the facial expression of superboyfriend.

James looks past me and frowns slightly when the chimes above the door announce another

customer. “Were you hiding from that one there?”

I look over my shoulder to catch the intense gaze of blue, coal-rimmed eyes. The tall, black-clad boy

is slender, almost thin, the short hair dyed black. Way too many silver piercings glisten in the pale face,

as though he were rebelling against the beauty it nevertheless possesses. Ah, the Goth kid. I remember

him. Nick… Keller or something. We were in a play together last semester. An Ideal Husband. Good

show. Great fuck. It was a one time thing and I haven’t talked to him since. But something in his eyes