* * *

On the day of the graduation ceremony, I get a delivery of flowers and a ridiculously fat guilt-trip

cheque from Lilah. I already knew she wouldn’t be able to make it. She’s in Spain, probably looking for

her next potential husband. What I don’t expect is for Grazzo to show up at my dorm room

unannounced. I’m in my black graduation gown, silly cap and all, and I’m more than a little surprised.

This is the first time he’s ever shown up to anything like this.

“Damn,” he says when he’s given me one of his bear hugs. “I’m proud of you, son.”

He never calls me “son”, so I guess I’m allowed to be baffled. I don’t know what to say. It’s good to

see him, the scent of his familiar aftershave filling the room.

“They were impressed with the recording you sent in to the JIB,” he continues. Ah, that’s the way

the wind blows. “Congratulations, Dan. You should get your acceptance letter any day.”

Wow, that was quick. I’m happy to hear it, really, I am. But the way he’s acting is pissing me off too

much to let it show.

“Listen, Graz. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this because I love music. And I’m grateful that

you’ve helped pave my way in this time. But for god’s sake, back off now. Let me do my own thing. I

don’t want your help. I want to make it on my own.”

He looks at me and a broad, impressed smile appears on his face. “Okay,” he says. Just like that. “I

respect that.”

“I mean it.”

“So do I.”

I’m still a little wary. “So you promise you won’t interfere in any way?”

He laughs softly. “It’s a deal. Just don’t come a-knocking later, big boy.”

I grin. “Never happen.”

“I’ll drink to that,” he grins. “Once you show me the way to the good stuff.”

“You’ll have to make due with cheap champagne. But you’re coming with me first.” I grab him by

the arms and shove him out of my room.

“Where to?”

“There’s someone I want you to meet. And be kind, because once he sees you, he might be a little in

shock.”

“And who is this mysterious someone?”

“My boyfriend,” I say simply. Grazzo arches his eyebrows in surprise. But then he grins and puts his

arm around me as we walk along. It’s actually a nice feeling, though I’d never admit that to him.

“I’ll be on my best behavior then.”

I glance at him with a small grin. “Let’s hope that for once, that’ll do.”

* * *

It’s my last day at Woodhaven, and the last time I’m in my dorm to get one remaining bag. The room is

stripped bare of everything that made it mine for the past four years of my life. I look around, feeling a

sad little sting. These four walls sure have seen a lot! It’s not like me to grow attached to a place, but the

fact that this room witnessed an important phase of my life gives it some strange significance. It’s

witnessed me growing up, or at least growing up a little more. Woodhaven and its inhabitants have

changed me, shaped me into someone different. Someone more myself. I’m not quite me yet, but I’m

getting there. I’m not the same person that waltzed in here four years ago with an ego so big it almost

didn’t fit through the door. Okay, screw you, so most of that ego is still alive and kicking. So what? I

hope I’m at least a bit less of a dick now than I used to be. But in the end, all I can say is: no regrets.

I let my gaze sweep through the room one last time, then I grab my bag of books and head out. I

close the door quietly behind me. Other people on my floor are leaving as well, and everyone promises

to stay in touch, knowing that’s not likely to happen. I get hugs from overly emotional people I’ve never

even talked to, but somehow I don’t mind. With a wink I promise them to forget them as soon as I’m

out the front door. They seem to think I’m kidding, which makes me grin.

I head downstairs quickly, avoiding more hugs from more half-strangers. James is waiting for me

outside. I already said good-bye to everyone else I care about the other night at our little improvised

farewell party. I’m sure most of them are still asleep and hung-over. Some of them may have left here

already.

James doesn’t notice me right away. He looks aloof and lonely, leaning against the banister of the

stairs leading to the front door. He also looks incredibly handsome in his dark blue shirt that makes his

eyes look bluer. He turns his head and sees me when I come closer. He tries to smile, but it looks

heartbreakingly sad.

“Wish you could stay until the semester’s over for me,” he greets me.

“Wish I could too.” I place a kiss on his temple. “But I’ll be back to kidnap you for the weekend. It’s

only four days.” I deliberately don’t add that four days have never seemed like such an unfathomably

long time.

He manages a crooked smile, and sounds amused. “Look what you’ve done to me. I can’t even

imagine this place without you!”

“What can I say, I’m hard to forget.”

His smile widens. “No. You are impossible to forget, Mr. Rizzo.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret: So are you, Jimmy Boy.”

I nonchalantly put my arm around him and we walk the short distance to my car. How is it so hard to

even think of having to go four days without seeing him? We make it quick and painless, just a tight hug

and a kiss. Then I’m in the car, and moments later he’s just a small figure in the rearview mirror, turning

around to walk away. It doesn’t hurt to leave Woodhaven, but it hurts to leave him, if only for a short

time. I find a jazz station on the radio. Benny Goodman provides a cheerful soundtrack to me leaving

school, and I feel much better as the tall neoclassical buildings disappear from view. The drive home is

only two hours, and it’s a warm, sunny day. All around spring is in full bloom. Lilah is still in Europe,

so I’ll have the luxury of being by myself. There’s nothing to do but enjoy life and practice music. And

possible be a little pathetic, pining for James. The thought makes me laugh to myself. I turn up the radio

as I head out of town. It suddenly hits me how ironic it is that I never wanted to be in a relationship for

fear of feeling trapped. And now that I’ve found someone I’d be happily enslaved to for the rest of my

life, I’m feeling absolutely free.

Chapter 16

Blue Skies

JAMES: Months have passed in what seems like the blink of an eye. Suddenly it’s late August, and all

our things are packed, some have already been shipped to Germany. There’s no denying it: we’re

officially ready to go.

I’m nervous and ridiculously excited. This isn’t just a holiday. Danny and I are moving to a different

country, a different continent. The next time I’ll come back to the States is probably for graduating at

Woodhaven. Until then, the entire Atlantic is going to be between me and the burnt down ruin that used

to be my home. And that is a very good thought. I don’t ever want to go back there. I hear they’re

already tearing the remains of my house down, now that I’ve sold the place. It feels good to not have

any strings attached to it anymore. A new family can build a home free of ghosts there. Maybe from

now on, it will be a happy place. Mom would have liked that.

Sometimes, when I’m not just sad thinking about her, I like to imagine that there is some sort of

heaven after all. That she’s there now, reunited with my dad. And that Simon can’t touch her there. I

don’t really believe in heaven, or god, or any kind of afterlife, but she did, and it’s a nice thought. I get

why people need to believe in this sort of thing. It makes things a hell of a lot easier.

I drove back down the other day to visit her grave one last time before I leave for Berlin. Danny lent