FOURTEEN

The pirate ship Mandelbrot Sett had space for one million of the capsules it used for raiding other spacecraft. The hangar had a hundred levels, and each level divided into a grid of parking spaces, one hundred by one hundred.

This did not mean that there were capsules to fill all the parking spaces. The badgers expected to lose at least a few on any given raid, and over the years they'd taken part in several thousand raids. Though they replaced the capsules when they could, there were still various parking spaces dotted around the hangar's hundred floors.

And into one of these, with a rasping, grating sound as if the very fabric of space and time was being torn through, materialised the TARDIS.

The door of the TARDIS creaked open, and out stepped Mrs Wingsworth. 'Oh honestly, dear,' she said. 'It's like something died in here.'

The Doctor followed her out, sniffing at the air. 'Well that's car parks for you,' he said. 'Although, given where we are, it's likely something did.'

'Hoi!' shouted a gruff voice from behind the rows of parked pirate capsules. Two badger pirates came running forward, their guns at the ready. The Doctor turned to Mrs Wingsworth and winked. He had the first stirrings of a plan.

'Hullo!' he said to the two badgers cheerily. 'I'm the Doctor, this is Mrs Wingsworth. We've got an appointment with your captain.'

The two badgers skidded to a halt and looked nervously at one another. 'You gotta what?' one of them asked the Doctor.

'An appointment,' he said. 'Brought it from the Brilliant for her. She'll be livid if she doesn't get it.'

The badgers whispered to one another, obviously terrified of what would happen if they upset Captain Florence. And, he could see them thinking, no one would really be stupid enough to go see the captain if they didn't have to. 'OK,' said one of them. 'You come with us.'

'It'd be our pleasure,' said the Doctor. 'Wouldn't it, Mrs Wingsworth?'

'Certainly, dear,' she said. She hung her tentacle through the Doctor's proffered elbow, and they followed the two badgers as if they were on a night out at the opera.

'I'm sorry,' said the Doctor as they made their way between the hundreds of pirate capsules towards the lift. 'I didn't catch your names.'

'Karl,' said one of the badgers. 'Tha's Robbie. We're on duty.'

'And you're very professional about it,' said the Doctor. 'I'll be telling your captain how impressed we are with you.'

Karl and Robbie grinned at each other and quickened their pace towards the lifts. The lift itself, when it came, was big enough to fit two or three of the pirate capsules into, which was probably useful for getting things repaired, thought the Doctor. Before stepping inside, he turned to the two badgers.

'Well,' he said. 'You two have been extremely kind. Mrs Wingsworth and I are both very touched.'

'It's been simply splendid!' agreed Mrs Wingsworth, perhaps enjoying the act a little bit too much.

'But we mustn't detain you any longer,' said the Doctor. 'You must get back to your duties.'

'Uh,' said Robbie. 'We, uh, don't come wiv ya?'

'Oh no!' said the Doctor appalled at the very idea. 'You're on duty! What would your captain say?'

The two badgers stepped quickly back from the lift, and the Doctor worked the controls. The lift went up and down and could also go sideways, and it took the Doctor almost two whole seconds to work out how to get them to the bridge. He keyed in the instructions and, with a ding, the lift doors began to close. Mrs Wingsworth waved politely to Karl and Robbie.

When the lift doors had closed and the lift was on its way, Mrs Wingsworth let out a long sigh. 'Well!' she said. 'I never thought we'd get away with it.'

'Oh, it's easy enough,' said the Doctor. 'I do this all the time.'

'What, just walking onto alien pirate spaceships as if you own the place?' laughed Mrs Wingsworth.

'Oh yeah,' said the Doctor. 'It's like a hobby.'

Mrs Wingsworth laughed. And then the laugh tailed off and became more like she was choking. The Doctor realised she was forcing herself not to cry.

'Sorry,' said the Doctor. 'Forgot how this sort of thing can take a bit of getting used to.'

'Oh no!' wailed Mrs Wingsworth. 'It's been amazing, dear! I've never felt more alive. The first time they killed me, I was absolutely terrified. But it didn't matter after that. And I watched your friend Martha. She didn't have a gun like they did, and she stood up to them! She used her brains. Tried to get that Archibald one drunk!'

The Doctor laughed. 'One-track mind, that one,' he said. 'You can tell she's from London.'

'You don't understand!' said Mrs Wingsworth, desperately. 'I've never... We never... I've never stood up to anyone before.' She hung her head, sadly, like how could he even look at her now?

'Ah,' said the Doctor. 'You've got a big family, haven't you, Mrs Wingsworth?'

She looked up at him, surprised. 'Whatever's that got to do with anything, dear?' she said.

'You talk about them all the time,' he told her. 'Your cousin who did this, your uncle who did that.'

'There's nothing wrong with being proud of your lineage,' she said.

'But you never tell stories about things you've done yourself,' he said.

'Oh,' she said. 'Well.' She shuffled awkwardly, stroking her tentacles together. 'I suppose that's because I don't have very much to tell you.'

The Doctor smiled at her. 'I guess not,' he said. 'There's not really anything exciting in how you stood up to the pirates. Or how you got killed once or twice. Or teaching Dashiel how to say "please" and "thank you".'

Mrs Wingsworth shivered. 'They killed him,' she said. 'I saw his body.'

'I'm sorry,' said the Doctor, kindly.

'If I hadn't won him over...' said Mrs Wingsworth.

'He'd have been a poorer badger,' the Doctor finished for her. 'You showed him a better life. And that's what he died for.'

Mrs Wingsworth sniffed. 'I suppose.'

'So,' said the Doctor. 'You've got stories to tell your clever family when I get you back to them.'

'Oh,' she said. 'I don't expect they'll be very interested, dear. They never were in me. That's why I was on the Brilliant. You see,' she added nervously, 'it wasn't the war I was running away from.'

The Doctor took one of her tentacles in his hands, calming her. 'You should be proud of all you've done here,' he said.

'Oh, I am!' she said, snatching her tentacle from him. 'It's just they would never think so. Because they never do!' Her eyes opened wide at this sudden revelation. 'Because,' she said, more quietly, 'they just aren't worth the bother.'

'You don't pick your family,' said the Doctor. 'Trust me, it's an achievement just to survive them sometimes.'

Mrs Wingsworth laughed, a deep belly rumble rather than the high, sarcastic tinkling she had used before, when laughing at other people's failings. 'All right,' she said, slapping a tentacle against the Doctor's shoulder in a manner most unseemly for a Balumin of her age. 'No more feeling sorry for myself and sulking in the corner. And they can either like it or lump it.'

'You go, girl,' said the Doctor.

'Believe me, Doctor, I intend to,' said Mrs Wingsworth. 'Now let's sort out this wretched pirate captain, shall we?'

And with a ding the lift arrived at the bridge of the pirate ship. The doors eased open to reveal a passageway of hanging silks, behind which badgers worked controls. The air was rich with exotic spices, flavours from all over the cosmos. It was a sign of just how widely travelled these badger pirates were. Mrs Wingsworth took the Doctor's elbow, and – again acting as if they were honoured guests – they stepped forward. At the end of the passageway, they could see Archibald and Jocelyn held captive by their former badger comrades. And, down some steps, Martha and the ferocious pirate captain gazed out of a wide bay window at the Starship Brilliant.