“Thank you for coming with me,” Tengo said after the long silence.
Kumi reached out and put her hand on top of his. “It’s hard doing it alone. Better to have somebody with you.”
“You may be right,” Tengo admitted.
“It’s a terrible thing when a person dies, whatever the circumstances. A hole opens up in the world, and we need to pay the proper respects. If we don’t, the hole will never be filled in again.”
Tengo nodded.
“The hole can’t be left open,” Kumi went on, “or somebody might fall in.”
“But in some cases the dead person has secrets,” Tengo said. “And when the hole’s filled in, those secrets are never known.”
“I think that’s necessary too.”
“How come?”
“Certain secrets can’t be left behind.”
“Why not?”
Kumi let go of his hand and looked at him right in the face. “There’s something about those secrets that only the deceased person can rightly understand. Something that can’t be explained, no matter how hard you try. They’re what the dead person has to take with him to his grave. Like a valuable piece of luggage.”
Tengo silently looked down at the puddle of light at his feet. The linoleum floor shone dully. In front of him were his worn loafers and Kumi’s simple black pumps. They were right in front of him but looked miles away.
“There must be things about you, too, Tengo, that you can’t explain to others?”
“Could be,” Tengo replied.
Kumi didn’t say anything, and crossed her slim black-stockinged legs.
“You told me you died once before, didn’t you?” Tengo asked.
“Um. I did die once. On a lonely night when a cold rain was falling.”
“Do you remember it?”
“I think so. I’ve dreamt about it for a long time. A very realistic dream, always exactly the same. So I have to believe that it happened.”
“Was it like reincarnation?”
“Reincarnation?”
“Where you’re reborn. Transmigration.”
Kumi gave it some thought. “I wonder. Maybe it was. Or maybe it wasn’t.”
“After you died, were you cremated like this?”
Kumi shook her head. “I don’t remember that far, since that would be after I died. What I remember is the moment I died. Someone was strangling me. A man I had never seen before.”
“Do you recall his face?”
“Of course. I saw him many times in my dreams. If I ran across him on the street, I would recognize him right away.”
“What would you do if you saw him in real life?”
Kumi rubbed her nose, as if checking to see if it was still there. “I’ve thought about that too—what I would do if I ran across him on the street. Maybe I would run away. Or maybe I would follow him so he wouldn’t notice me. Unless I was actually put in that situation, I don’t know what I would do.”
“If you followed him, what would you do then?”
“I don’t know. But maybe that man holds some vital secret about me. And if I play my cards right, he might reveal it to me.”
“What kind of secret?”
“For instance, the reason why I’m here.”
“But that guy might kill you again.”
“Maybe,” Kumi said, lips slightly pursed. “I know it’s dangerous. It might be better to just run away. But still the secret draws me in. Like when there’s a dark entrance and cats can’t help but peep in.”
The cremation was over, and Tengo and Kumi, following tradition, picked up select bones from his father’s remains and placed them in a small urn. The urn was handed to Tengo. He had no idea what he should do with it, though he knew he couldn’t just abandon it. So he clutched the vase in his hands as he and Kumi took a taxi to the station.
“I will take care of any remaining details,” Kumi told him in the cab. After a moment she added, “If you would like, I could see about interring the bones, too.”
Tengo was startled. “You can do that?”
“I don’t see why not,” Kumi said. “There are some funerals where not a single person from the family attends.”
“That would be a big help,” Tengo said. And he handed her the urn, feeling a little guilty, but honestly relieved. I will probably never see these bones again, he thought. All that is left will be memories, and eventually they, too, will vanish like dust.
“I’m from here, so I think I can take care of it. It’s better if you go back to Tokyo right away. We all like you a lot here, but this isn’t a place you should stay for long.”
I’m leaving the cat town, Tengo mused.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done,” Tengo said.
“Tengo, do you mind if I give you some advice? I know I have no right to do so.”
“Of course.”
“Your father may have had a secret that he took with him to the other side. And that seems to be causing you confusion. I think I can understand how you feel. But you shouldn’t peep anymore into that dark entrance. Leave that up to cats. If you keep doing so, you will never go anywhere. Better to think about the future.”
“The hole has to be closed up,” Tengo said.
“Exactly,” Kumi said. “The owl says the same thing. Do you remember the owl?”
“Of course.”
The owl is the guardian deity of the woods, knows all, and gives us the wisdom of the night.
“Is that owl still hooting in the woods?”
“The owl’s not going anywhere,” Kumi replied. “He’ll be there for a long time.”
Kumi saw him off on the train to Tateyama—as though she needed to make sure, with her own eyes, that he had boarded the train and left town. She stood on the platform and kept waving to him, until he couldn’t see her anymore.
It was seven p.m. on Tuesday when he got back to his apartment in Koenji. Tengo turned on the lights, sat down at his dining table, and looked around the room. The place looked the same as when he had left early the previous morning. The curtains were closed tight, and there was a printout of the story he was writing on top of his desk. Six neatly sharpened pencils in a pencil holder, clean dishes still in the rack in the sink. Time was silently ticking by, the calendar on the wall indicating that this was the final month of the year. The room seemed even more silent than ever. A little too silent. Something excessive seemed included in that silence. Though maybe he was imagining it. Maybe it was because he had just witnessed a person vanishing right before his eyes. The hole in the world might not yet be fully closed up.
He drank a glass of water and took a hot shower. He shampooed his hair thoroughly, cleaned his ears, clipped his nails. He took a new pair of underwear and a shirt from his drawer and put them on. He had to get rid of all the smells that clung to him, the smells of the cat town. We all like you a lot here, but this isn’t a place you should stay for long, Kumi Adachi had told him.
He had no appetite. He didn’t feel like working or opening a book. Listening to music held no appeal. His body was exhausted, but his nerves were on edge, so he knew that even if he lay down he wouldn’t get any sleep. Something about the silence seemed contrived.
It would be nice if Fuka-Eri were here, Tengo thought. I don’t care what silly, meaningless things she might talk about. Her fateful lack of intonation, the way her voice rose at the end of questions—it’s all fine by me. I haven’t heard her voice in a while and I miss it. But Tengo knew that she wouldn’t be coming back to his apartment again. Why he knew this, he couldn’t say exactly. But he knew she would never be there again. Probably.
He wanted to talk with someone. Anyone. His older girlfriend would be nice, but he couldn’t reach her. She was irretrievably lost.
He dialed Komatsu’s office number, his direct extension, but nobody answered. After fifteen rings he gave up.
He tried to think of other people he could call, but there wasn’t anyone. He thought of calling Kumi, but realized he didn’t have her number.