"That's how it is when you're allowed to think for yourself!" Brother Guilbert interrupted him. "And moving on to more important matters; Father Henri's idea never to tell you who you were is easy to understand, from a logical standpoint, isn't it? We had to prevent at all costs a boy from becoming conceited, we had to protect him from all pride, especially when it concerned matters that here in the cloister are counted as base things, though that was hardly the case where I was before I came here. I trained many brothers during my life in Outremer; that's all we did when there was no war. But I've seen few men who possess your God-given gifts when it comes to dexterity with weapons, and you have two secrets that make you very strong. I believe you know what one of them is, don't you?"

   "I can change from my right to my left hand," Arn answered in a low voice, looking down at the table before him. It was as if he were ashamed without understanding why.

   "Precisely," said Brother Guilbert. "And now I'm going to tell you what your other secret is. You're not a tall man like myself. More than half the men you may encounter with a sword out there will look bigger and stronger. But all your life you have trained to fight someone who is bigger, and that's what you do best. So never fear the man who looks big, rather fear the one who is your own size or smaller. There is one more important thing. The danger of pride, which worried Father Henri so much, truly exists, although perhaps not in the way he had imagined. I have seen many men die simply because they were vain. In the midst of a battle with an inferior opponent, or perhaps someone who merely looked smaller, they came to admire their own prowess too much. God knows I have seen men die with a vain smile still on their lips. Remember this and remember it well! For although all your countrymen out there might be inferior to you in practice, which I do believe, almost any one of them could wound you or kill you the moment you are struck by pride. It's as if God's punishment somehow strikes more quickly the one who sins with weapon in hand. It is the same with anger or greed. I tell you this, and you must never forget it: the art you have been taught within these sacred walls is a blessed art. If you raise your sword in sin, you will bring down God's punishment upon you. For the third time, never forget this. Amen."

   When Brother Guilbert had finished his explanation they sat in silence for a while. Arn fixed his gaze absently on one of the three flickering candle flames, while Brother Guilbert surreptitiously observed him. They seemed to be sitting there waiting each other out; neither wanted to speak first, afraid that the other might want to talk about something else.

   "Perhaps you're wondering which sin it was that drove me from the Knights Templar to the Cistercians?" Brother Guilbert asked him at last.

   "Yes, that's clearly what I'd like to know," said Arn. "But I can't imagine you as a great sinner, dear Brother Guilbert. It simply doesn't add up."

   "No doubt that's because you can't imagine the world out there, for the world is full of sin and temptations; it's a quagmire, it's a field with many pitfalls. My sin was simony, the worst sin in the rules of the Templar knights. Do you even know what that is?"

   "No," replied Arn truthfully, though he was also astonished. He had heard a thousand sins spoken of, large and small, but never this "simony."

   "It means to take money for carrying out services on behalf of the Lord," said Brother Guilbert with a sigh. "In our order we certainly did administer large sums of money back and forth, and sometimes it could be difficult to see what was sin and what was not. But I won't make excuses for myself; I confessed my sin and I'm doing penance for it even today. It was not granted to me to die blessed for God's cause with sword in hand. So it goes. But if it weren't for my sin which led me to this peaceful order, you never would have met me. Then you would have been a completely different man than you are today. You should also think about this, since God has a plan for everything that happens."

   "I promise not to fail you, not to disappoint you, my dear brother," said Arn quickly and with feeling.

   "Hmm," said Brother Guilbert, leaning forward to gaze with amusement into Arn's childishly open face and his wide eyes. "You should probably wait a bit before making promises, because you will be required to make more sooner than you think. But for now our conversation is done. Tonight you must spend the hours between midnight mass and morning mass in our church. Seek God in your heart during this stormy night; this command comes from Father Henri. Now hurry to sleep a few hours, and perhaps we'll see each other at midnight mass."

   "As you command so shall I obey," muttered Arn and stood up, bowing to his teacher, and went to his sleeping cell, where he set his mind to wake up for midnight mass and not oversleep. Then he fell asleep at once.

   Brother Guilbert remained sitting by the flickering candle flames for a while, lost in thought. Then he blew out the candles and strode off to the smithy, which two of the lay brothers had kept going during his talk with Arn. He was not quite finished; he would now use the last of the secret oils he had brought back from Outremer, and there were also details to plan for the ornamentation.

After midnight mass Arn was left alone in the church at Varnhem, and he spent the first hours on his knees at his mother's grave before the altar. For such long prayer sessions he was allowed to kneel on soft cushions that could be brought from the sacristy.

   He was in such a daze that he no longer felt that he knew himself. It was as though he were two persons. One was familiar: he was lay brother Arn who belonged more to Vitae Schola than to Varnhem. The other was Arn Magnusson of Arnäs, who was more of a cipher than a real person. On this stormy night he prayed for God's guidance to find what was good in these two, and he prayed to Saint Bernard to show him the way in life so that he would not stumble amid all the sin that seemed to fill the world out there. Finally he prayed for guidance to avoid the sin of pride above all others.

   It was not his own belief that pride should be the foremost sin he must try to avoid—he honestly felt himself free of that particular sin. Yet he knew that this was the sin that Father Henri and Brother Guilbert feared so much that they had kept secrets from him.

   In his prayers Arn made the storm outside cease and time come to a stop. Or rather, when he entered into prayer with his whole spirit, time no longer existed. So dawn came quickly, and with the dawn the storm abated.

   To his surprise the whole choir came in and took up position behind the altar; some of the choir singers gave him kindly winks. He guessed that it was going to be a farewell mass of the type that was held whenever a brother who was much more important than himself was about to depart.