I got in and slammed the door hard.

“Great. I can see you’re still in a good mood.” He peeled out.

“You wanted to do this, be with me. Did you think I was always nice?” I asked, my mind reeling. Jake said I had broken his heart.

“No, Bren, but I didn’t think all of your evil would be directed my way,” he griped.

“Are you saying there’s someone more deserving of my evil?” I popped one eyebrow up at him.

He grinned. “Nope. I would like to argue that your rage would make more sense if you let me be a little worse and earn it.” He reached across the seat and put his hand on my thigh, then inched up. Under normal circumstances, I would have swatted his hand away, but I just settled back and looked at him expectantly.

Saxon pulled over immediately and took off his seatbelt. “Get in the backseat and give me fifteen minutes. You won’t regret it.” He was wickedly good looking, his eyes bright, an eager smile on his mouth.

I thought about Jake and Nikki slobbering on each other in the hallway. I thought about the look of disgust he gave me when he saw Saxon’s car, how he had walked back, presumably to her, with intention that I didn‘t want to consider. The white hot rage roared through me again. I clicked my seatbelt off and climbed back.

Saxon followed. The road wasn’t often used, but it wasn’t exactly deserted.

“What’s your big plan?” I felt a shred of nervousness.

“Just picking up where we left off.” His fingers flicked the button of my jeans and tugging down on the zipper. Just the sound made me feel a strange excitement, and I pressed my hips to him.

He kissed me, frenetic little biting kisses that made me feel happily irritated. It was dizzying to be this close to Saxon. Before, I had been unable to turn my brain off, but now I was so pissed, I felt like I couldn’t think straight. Then I just stopped thinking. I let the fury crash over me, and it was nicely mind-numbing. I kissed him back, pulled his mouth to mine eagerly and pushed against him with my hips again. It felt bad, but I also wanted it. Like a guilty pleasure.

His hands worked around my waist, his fingers pressing under the line of my underwear before he snaked down, up and in with a movement so quick it made me catch my breath. He moved fast, his hands unlike Jake’s. I didn’t want to think about Jake at that moment, but my mind wouldn’t let me stop the comparison. Saxon dipped in and out fast and moved immediately to the place that made me squirm. He kissed me hard and deep, matching his hand to his tongue somehow, and I felt the loopy slide just before the fall. It all happened so fast; suddenly I was crying out and shaking and then Saxon pulled away, grinned, and climbed back to the front seat.

I lay in the back, panting, my pants still undone, my underwear strangely bunched.

“Bren, stop slacking,” Saxon said, his smile wide with triumph. “We’re gonna miss practice. Put your pants on.”

I zipped up and righted myself before climbing next to him, feeling a little woozy. What had just happened? When I was with Saxon, I felt like it was always a challenge, a clawing, drag-out fight. Even my orgasm felt a little like something he’d won somehow.

He seemed completely happy about the whole thing. He even whistled. It wasn’t until he looked over at me that his face fell.

“Bren, you’re killing me. Didn’t you come?” He was clearly irritated.

“I did.” I wanted to put the emphasis on the ‘I,’ but that seemed kind of ridiculous.

“What’s your deal, then?” he asked. “That was nice of me. I did it for you.”

I took a deep breath, but I can’t say if I chickened out or not. How was I supposed to answer that?

“It was nice. That I came,” I said haltingly.

“I guess it’s just weird to have all three of us here?” he asked nastily. He had screeched into the parking lot.

“Jake?” I took a deep breath, but my head spun more. “Fat chance. He’s with someone else.”

“I can guarantee you, he doesn’t want to be,” Saxon growled. He banged his fists on the steering wheel.

“How can you be so sure?” I was excited that he’d even given me that glimmer of hope. I had my theories, but I wanted to hear what Saxon had to say.

“Because I saw his fucking love-struck face, Brenna,” Saxon said. “I saw the two of you. Why am I even bothering? Seriously, get the hell out of my car.” He elbowed his door open, got out, and slammed it so hard the whole car shook.

I pushed my door open and followed him into the school. “I’m not apologizing about how I feel,” I said to his retreating back. “And I’m not pretending, either. Not with you. Not for one second. That’s the only good thing about whatever we’re doing, and it’s great!” My words rang out and bounced around in the cold air.

“What’s that?” He turned to look at me closely. His black eyes bored into me.

“I feel no pressure to lie with you. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this honest before. Or this much of a bitch,” I added. I closed the space between us and looked right into his bright, black eyes. “You’ve given me the freedom to just do what I want without caring.”

“Great.” Saxon shut his eyes, and I watched his dark lashes tangle together at the corners. He shook his head. “I’ve unleashed a hot sociopathic bitch.”

“You have.” I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him gently. “Thanks for that.”

Then I left Saxon and hit the track, running hard. Too hard. I was worn out less than halfway through practice. I had to dredge into my reserves and push harder. When it was all over, I was so exhausted I slept on the ride home. Saxon didn’t talk to me. He played his Celtic music loud, but it didn’t wake me up.

“Invite me in,” he said when we were in my driveway and he’d shaken me awake.

Mom would be home soon. I tossed him a quick smile. “No thanks. I got my orgasm.”

“I’m good for multiples,” he promised, his fingertips creeping up my thigh.

“Pop the trunk,” I returned, twisting his hand away.

Surprisingly, he did.

“Should I pick you up tomorrow?”

I wanted to say ‘no,’ but I was taken a little aback by how nicely he had asked. “Okay. Meet me at the end of the road?”

He shook his head. “Not quite a full-fledged rebel yet.”

“Nope.” I kissed him quickly. “Bye.”

I know he wanted to say more, or do more, but I wasn’t interested. Saxon was helping me unlock a part of myself that I had never known lurked evilly beneath the surface. I had a hard time caring about anyone but myself, and I had no patience for anything that irritated me in any way.

Breaking up with Jake had set an entire chain of events in motion. I was changing. I could feel myself stretching out and breaking through, and the new me was coming out with a harder shell, twice as fierce as the old me.

My mind felt lost and my head pounded. I felt hot and uncomfortably achy. I was falling apart, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it.

I went inside my dark, cool house, flipped the heat on and headed to the bathroom, where I took a long shower, the hot water pouring over me in relaxing streams. I was falling asleep under the warm rush, so I got out and toweled off. I pulled on my pajamas and climbed into my bed. I hadn’t eaten dinner, seen my mother or done my homework, but my body was so tired, I just fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

By the time Friday came, the last thing I wanted to do was go out anywhere, but Saxon had been persistently nice and Jake had been doing every single thing he could to throw his relationship with Nikki in my face. There was such buzzing nastiness between the two of us, it was starting to erase even the best memories, the ones I kept nestled close to my heart and only took out to sob over late at night.

But every once in a while, I’d catch Jake’s eyes on me, just for one fleeting instant, and something so strong and amazing it was electric would shock between us and melt all the anger for a little while. Once Jake broke his pencil in half while we stared at each other, not saying a word, not sure what we were feeling. As if she could sense it, Nikki attached herself to him like a burr and didn’t let go for the rest of the afternoon.