Wait! This was my speech, sucked from under me and pouring out from Jake’s mouth so beautifully, it made my knees buckle.

There was suddenly nothing to say that he hadn’t already said better.

“I’m sorry,” I tried weakly, embarrassed as soon as I said the woefully inadequate words.

He nodded, already walking backwards, his hands in his pockets, his hat so low over his eyes, I didn’t know if he could see me. He had delivered his message, and there was nothing left to say. He turned on his heel and left me, an inch away from the doors that I didn’t blow through fast enough to avoid the bomb he dropped on me.

I walked outside in a daze, and Saxon was waiting. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

“You look like hell. Tonight is officially cancelled.” He led me to the car.

I molded my body to the leather seat and prepared to let the tears fall, but there wasn’t even the prickly promise of a sobfest. I felt lighter, freer.

“I want to go,” I announced, feeling sure, strong, and hopeful. Scarily, newly hopeful. “If you don’t want to pick me up, tell me, and I’ll find another ride.”

“If you’re dead set on being an idiot, let me at least have the privilege of driving your Royal Craziness.” He flicked the car stereo on, and we listened to the Celtic girl wail and plead in her faraway voice.

He dropped me off, and I told him I’d text if my mother said no, otherwise he could pick me up at seven. Mom wasn’t even home; I had to text her, and she gave quick permission with a warning to be careful and an encouragement to have fun. I took a long, hot shower, but there were no tears to puff up my eyes or make my throat hoarse. There was only the curious echo of Jake’s words.

I spent a long time getting ready, and since getting ready didn’t take all that long, it meant that I had extra time to put on extra makeup and change into cuter outfits, each tighter and more daring than the last. By the time Saxon knocked on my door I was in a tight, black, short skirt, a black and red Folly shirt, black boots and makeup that was smoky/sexy/dark/alluring when I’d really only aimed to be cute/pretty/made-up/sweet.

“Holy shit.” Saxon took my hand and spun me, then glanced at the empty house. “Seriously, let’s hit your bedroom. Now.”

I laughed, feeling powerful with all my eyeliner and mascara on. “No! We’re going on a date.”’

He was wearing a tight black t-shirt and dark jeans with black boots. Simple, understated, and sexy as hell. I could smell the sharp cling of his aftershave and that amazing undersmell that was spicy, male, and all Saxon.

I went to the closet to grab my coat and he came too close behind me. When I spun around, I was in his arms.

“I don’t want to go out,” he said, his mouth at my throat. I backed away. “Don’t. You smell so good. You look so freaking good. Be with me tonight.” When Saxon pleaded my entire body yanked and pulled towards him like an eager puppy on a leash.

“No.” I stepped away from him. “We’re going out.”

He blocked my path to the front door and escape. “You don’t want to be here with me alone.” His dark eyes went all black, and his words were just bare facts laid out uncomfortably in front of both of us.

“I want to go out.” I put a hand on his chest, and he took my fingers and squeezed them over his steadily beating heart. “With you, Saxon.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on mine. “You want to go out with me. You don’t want to bewith me.” His voice was sandpaper on metal.

“I want to be with you, but I want to go out. With you.” I squeezed his hand, but he squeezed back so tight and so hard it startled me.

His eyes were clear and black as pitch, deep, hot, molten black. “Don’t talk circles around me, Blix.” He set his mouth in a tight line. “You like me too much to tell me the truth, don’t you? Oh my fucking god, I’ve moved into the damn friend zone.”

“What are you talking about?” I squeaked, because he was saying things that I knew were true but wasn’t ready to face yet.

He shook his head and tossed his inky hair out of his eyes. The look on his face was a mix of stricken sadness and idiotic amusement. “Nothing.” He cupped a hand under my chin and kissed me on the lips, full and soft and punctuated with the slightest moan. “Let’s get this over with, right?”

Before I could say anything, he yanked my hand, pulling me towards his car in the chilly light.

  Chapter Fifteen

Saxon cranked the stereo and grunted at every attempt at conversation I made. By the time we got to the adorable little stone-fronted sushi restaurant, I’d come to the sinking realization that I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy my raw fish.

Saxon wound around the front of the car and opened my door, marched up the steps next to me, grabbed the door to the restaurant and swung it open for me, ducking to avoid the tinkling silver tubes of the windchime that hung too low in the doorway. He strode to the hostess stand, leaned close and spoke low to the girl with the stack of menus, and whatever he said made her giggle and blush. We were led to a cozy corner table in the low-lit, paper-screened side room, but I couldn’t enjoy the quiet elegance. Saxon crossed his arms and scowled at me, but smiled sweetly at the waitress, and ordered tons of the most expensive foods on the menu. He cracked the chopsticks apart and grabbed all the pieces he wanted without asking me if I cared. Not that it was a huge deal, but he ate all the unagi rolls, which were my favorite. He also hogged the wasabi.

“Is something wrong?” I watched him wolf down the food and never make eye contact with me.

“Nope.” He took a long gulp out of his water glass and made a face like he’d chugged rotten milk. “Maybe.” He folded his hands on the shiny dark wood table and leaned towards me. He waited for me to lean towards him and said, “I’d kill someone for a bottle of sake. I don’t think the waitress will serve me, though.” He leaned back and smirked. “Not with you here, anyway.”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped back in my chair and shook my head. “I don’t look thatyoung, and you definitely don’t look twenty-one, so forget that.”

“I didn’t think she’d serve me because I look twenty-one.” He ran a hand through his black hair, and when he flashed me a smile, it was the wolfish one I hadn’t seen in a while. “I have other ways of convincing girls to give me what I want.” His mouth was watering as he anticipated whatever my face might give away; shock, hurt, unhappiness maybe? Knowing exactly what he was thinking, I kept my slack-jawed, narrow-eyed, trembling-chinned facial tics under control and offered him a blank stare. His lips went sulky, but then he leaned over and added, “Well, some girls. Not the cock teases. Youknow what I mean. Right, Blix?”

There were a hundred barbed, nasty things I could say to him, but it was a waste of breath. I stood up and dropped my share for dinner on the table. “I need to use the bathroom. I’ll wait in the lobby for you.”

The side of his mouth twitched, and he scooped the money up and shoved it back at me. “This is a date. I don’t want your money.”

I grabbed the bills, smoothed them out and slammed them back on the table. “You call this a date? This is a mess, and I insiston paying my share.”

“You’re taking responsibilities for your messes now? Refreshing.” He cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Is there something you want to say to me, Saxon? Because if there is, just say it.” I could hear the dare snapping in my voice.

He stood up so fast he almost knocked his chair onto the floor. “I will, then.” He rushed at me and jabbed his index finger against my breastplate. “I made a fool out of myself over you for weeks, and shame the fuck on me, because you were never into this, were you? Were you?”