Next thing, we’re both on the back of his bike, zooming through the deserted streets, me hugging him tightly and rubbing up against him every chance I get. Him squeezing my hands and thighs and just about any other part of me he can grip. And we’re going fast, so fast, that one of my crystal shoes slips off and clatters back onto the road, but I don’t bother telling Steve to stop and go back for it.

Because I don’t care. I just want to keep on going, I just want to be with him. Keep Prince Charming and give me Buttons any day.

Last thing I hear is the strappy sandal thudding and bouncing against the pavement as it falls behind us, but I ignore it and smile.

Just like Cinderella.

Read on for Claudia’s

CINDERELLA GUIDE TO DATING

IS YOUR GUY A PRINCE

CHARMING OR A SLIMY FROG?

1. You’re out with a gang of girlfriends for a night on the town. Across a crowded bar, you suddenly lock eyes with that rare and elusive species, the DSM. (Decent, single man.) Does he…

A) Mime at you that his pint glass is almost empty and that if you’re going to the bar he wouldn’t mind a refill. Seeing as how you’re buying, that is.

B) Saunter over to your pals, then after you’ve introduced them, spend the rest of the night chatting up your best friend, who also happens to be a lingerie model for Victoria’s Secret.

C) Try to impress you with his party piece; burping the national anthem.

D) Have eyes for you and you alone; chats you up all night, charms all your friends and then insists on buying round after round of drinks for everyone.

2. It’s that icky, awkward part of the night where you’re exchanging phone numbers. Does he…

A) Scribble yours in biro on the back of his palm, then not call and when you bump into him a week later, claim that he accidentally washed the number off while saving a small child from drowning at sea, the morning after he met you. Honest.

B) Ring you a week later and apologise for the delay in getting back to you, but then explain that the FA Premiership has just started, so his life is basically on hold till cup final day. Like it or lump it.

C) Swear blind that he’ll call, but five days later he still hasn’t, so you actually find yourself contemplating whether to start calling the local A & E units just in case there’s been some kind of horrible accident.

D) Take your mobile number, land line, email address and Facebook details and before you’ve even got out of the cab that night, there’s a message from him just checking that you got home safely.

3. It’s your all-important first date. Does he…

A) Arrange to meet you in a restaurant where you’re a regular and know loads of the staff, then stand you up, thereby maximising your humiliation.

B) Take you to a pub where there’s a match on, then spend the whole night absolutely glued to the big screen and occasionally shouting obscenities at the referee.

C) Take you to an obscure Lars Von Trier movie with subtitles, then spend the rest of the night discussing the minuter points of Dogma 95 with you…in full detail.

D) Take you to the swishiest restaurant in town, wine and dine you, then say it’s his absolute pleasure to take you to places like this so he can show you off properly.

It’s Valentine’s Day. Does he…

A) Forget.

B) Remember only at the very last minute and run over to the garage across the road to buy you a wilted bunch of chrysanthemums.

C) Take you to dinner, then produce a calculator when the bill arrives, explaining that you did insist on having that side order of peas and he didn’t, so it’s only fair the bill be divided accordingly.

D) Whisk you off on the Eurostar to Paris, then spend the whole evening saying that, with you, every day is Valentine’s Day.

5. You’re both invited to a charity black tie ball, but like all good little Cinderellas, your Nitelink bus leaves at midnight. Does he…

A) Shrug when you’re leaving, point you vaguely in the direction of the bus stop, then before you’re barely out the door, start chatting up one of the cocktail waitresses.

B) Faithfully promise that he’ll leave when you’re leaving, then when it’s time to go, refuse to be dragged away from the bar, because he’s just ordered a round.

C) Escort you to the bus stop, then say he’s heading back to the party as the tickets did cost a small fortune and it’s a shame to let them go to waste.

D) Let you get a bus home? Alone? Are you mental? He insists on driving you there and back, door to door and won’t take no for an answer.

6. You’ve invited him home to meet your stepmother and stepsisters for Sunday lunch. Does he…

A) Reluctantly say he’ll be there, then ring you at the last minute claiming he had a work emergency and couldn’t make it. On a Sunday afternoon.

B) Arrive late, then ask if anyone would mind if he watched the big match on Sky Sports live.

C) Ask for a guided tour of the house then mentally calculate how much it’ll sell for on the open market and consequently, how much your inheritance from it would be.

D) Be the perfect house guest, arriving with flowers and champagne for all your family, then even offer to help with the washing up.

7. You’ve been dating for a while now and you’ve decided that his best quality is…

A) None of your friends like him, so at least you never have to worry about a girlfriend running off with him.

B) He does at least have a hobby, albeit one that involves screaming at the referee during Match of the Dayand explaining to you, yet again, the finer points of the offside rule.

C) He’s got plenty of money. Too bad none of it gets spent on you, that’s all.

D) Where to start? He’s funny, kind, sensitive, strong and adores the ground you walk on…so much so that you find yourself wondering if he’s really too good to be true.

8. And his worst quality has to be…

A) Being brutally honest with yourself it’s this: you’re only dating him till someone better comes along. And at this stage, you’d consider anyone.

B) His obsession. Too bad it’s not with you, but with Wayne Rooney and Manchester United.

C) Ahem, there’s no polite way to put this, but his very, very short arms and his very, very long pockets. Honestly, at this stage it wouldn’t surprise you if he opened his wallet and a moth flew out.

D) Worst quality? That he can’t pass a homeless person on the street without buying them food, giving them cash for a hostel, chatting away to them like old pals, then calling the Simon Community and demanding to know what exactly they’re doing about this. And that’s his worstquality.

9. You’ve decided to take the ultimate couples test: going on holiday together. Does he…

A) Let you do all the booking and organising, then the day before you’re due to travel, just when you’re getting a spray tan, he calls to cancel, claiming he has a work project that he just can’t get out of.

B) Suggest that you go to Paris, but not for any romantic reason; it’s because there’s a Six Nations match in the Stade de France that weekend. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.