“Shh, baby. We don’t know anything yet. I need to make a few calls and let people know I won’t be back as soon as planned.”

I sniffed and said between sobs, “You have to.”-sniff-“go back. The team…they need you.”

Gage put his knuckle under my chin and raised my head so I was looking at him. “No, they don’t need me. You need me. I’m not going anywhere.”

It took a few hours but I finally calmed down enough to call Dr. Emmons and make the appointment. Since I was pregnant they wanted to see me the next morning at eight to get more blood and do a few scans.

I had decided that until we knew what was going on only Gage and I would know about this cancer scare.

Just saying the word cancer made me nauseous.

Walking downstairs I found Gage in the kitchen making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“Cobie, you need to eat.” Gage dipped soup out of the pot and placed the grilled cheese on a plate. “Here, please eat.”

Stirring my soup I took a few bites before scooting the bowl away. “I can’t. I think I’m going to try and get some sleep.”

The sadness on Gage’s face broke my heart. “’Okay. And Cobie, don’t worry about this until we have a reason to worry, which I don’t think we will.”

“I hope.” I blinked back my tears and turned to walk out. Gage grabbed my arm and wrapped his arms around me. I felt protected. Being in his arms made me feel safe.

“God won’t do this to us. Our daughter and I need you. You can’t have cancer.” Gage lifted my head so I was looking him in the eye. “Cobie, I love you and we are going to raise our daughter together. Your stubborn ass isn’t going anywhere. Got it?”

Slowly, a smile formed on my face and I chewed my bottom lip. “I love you too, Gage. But, I am so scared right now. I just need you with me. I need to know that whatever happens our daughter will have you.”

“You and Londyn will always have me.” Gage pressed his lips to my forehead. “Want me to lay with you?”

“Please.”

Gage lifted me effortlessly into his arms and walked us back down the hall to his bedroom.

This place was huge. Every THING looked clean and sterile. Every ONE looked sick and tired.

              “Cobie Nayler?” The girl called out from the doorway.

              Looking at Gage, I fought back my tears and took his hand, walking toward the waiting girl.

              “Cobie?”

“Yes. Cobie Nayler.” I said, quietly.

“Hi, I’m Angie. Follow me please. Dr. Emmons would like to see you before any test are performed.”

Holding Gage’s hand we followed behind Angie, down the long hall to a large door. Angie knocked once before opening it and saying, “Dr. Emmons, Cobie Nayler is here.”

Angie pushed the door open wide and ushered us in.

Standing from behind his desk, Dr. Emmons held his hand out. “Cobie, nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Emmons.”

Shaking his hand I said, “Um…nice to meet you too.” I pointed next to me and said, “This is Gage, my um, he’s my baby’s father?” It sounded more like a question but Dr. Emmons didn’t notice, he just shook Gage’s hand before sitting back down.

Dr. Emmons laced his fingers together as he spoke, “Cobie, I’m sure you know why you’re here. Before we get to the heavy stuff I want to ask a few routine questions. Have you been feeling more tired than normal lately?”

Raising an eyebrow I looked at the doctor like he was a total moron. “Yes, I’m pregnant. I’m always tired.”

Dr. Emmons paid no attention to the sarcasm in my voice and moved onto the next question. “Have you found yourself being in a lot of pain in a certain area?”

“Actually my lower back. It’s worse when I’m active, more than normal.”

Dr. Emmons furrowed his brow. “Hmm. Loss of appetite?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Have you noticed any bruising?”

“No. I mean, I really haven’t looked but I haven’t noticed any.”

Dr. Emmons took notes and looked up at me. “Now, this is in no way saying you have cancer. This is to rule cancer out. I have ordered a few blood tests and a CT scan to determine if you do have cancer, and if you do, what kind. Chances are, since you’re pregnant you’re just experiencing a vitamin deficiency that has messed with your blood count. We will have your test back by this afternoon. I am putting a rush on your tests since you are pregnant. We want to hurry and rule this out so Dr. Fleming can figure out what is going on.”

“What happens if my tests do come back that its cancer?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking the question.

“If, and that’s a big if…if it is cancer, depending on the type and stage will determine our course of action. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start worrying before its needed. Just get your tests done and we will go from there. The nurse out front has the paperwork you need to take upstairs. When you’re finished you are free to leave. When we have the results, one of my nurses will call for you to come back in.”

Six hours later my phone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Miss Nayler? This is Angie from Dr. Emmons office.”

“Yes?”

“Your results are in, Dr. Emmons would like to see you again today to go over the results. Can you be here at three?” Angie asked.

Glancing at my watch I saw it was two thirty. “Yes, three is fine.”

“Ok, see you then.”

I hung up my phone I looked to Gage. “They want us back at three.”

“They want us back so they can say everything looks great.” Gage gave me a sweet smile.

I didn’t have that same feeling. Something didn’t feel right. I knew it but I didn’t want to say anything to Gage. I had cancer. I knew it, I could feel it. I had to accept it.

Forcing a smile I said, “You’re probably right.

Sitting in Dr. Emmons office I looked at the books behind his desk. Hearing the door open I pulled my eyes to see him walk in. His face looked sympathetic, not the happy doctor from earlier.

Cancer. I had cancer.

“Cobie, Gage, I got the results back and I’m so sorry to tell you this but you do have cancer. You have a very rare form of bone cancer known as Osteosarcoma of the spine.”

My world stopped.

Swallowing hard I looked at Dr. Emmons and asked, “What are my options?”

Dr. Emmons dropped his head and rubbed his forehead before looking between Gage and I. “Your only chance at beating this is terminating the pregnancy. Your tumor is inoperable because of its location. Your only hope is aggressive radiation and chemotherapy. Neither of which you can do while pregnant.”

Feeling my tears streaming down my face, I shook my head. “I’m not losing my baby, our baby. What are my chances if I wait to do treatment until my baby is born?”

Gage laced his fingers with mine and said, “Cobie, this is your life. You have to fight.”

“Not if it takes our baby away. Londyn will be here in four months, what are my chances Dr. Emmons if I wait?”

Dr. Emmons looked between Gage and I then answered, “Honestly, not good. Without treatment you have 6 months to a year to live. This is a very aggressive form of cancer.”

Looking at Gage I said, “Dr. Emmons will you give us a moment, please?”

“Of course. This is a lot to take in. When you’re ready I will be just down the hall.” Scooting his chair back he stood and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Surprisingly I was calm. I had been preparing myself for this result. I had no other choice than acceptance. I had to accept this. Face reality and realize I wouldn’t get to watch my daughter grow up. See her first step, hear her say mama, watch her walk into school on her first day, help her get ready for prom, or talk about her first kiss. I was going to miss everything. But, I would miss it all so she could experience it. Terminating was not at option. Londyn would be born and Gage would raise her. That was the only reality I was willing to accept.