“Cobie? What are you thinking?” Gage’s eyes were misty.

“I’m not giving Londyn up. We are going to have a daughter and you’re going to raise her. I’m not going to do treatments. I want to enjoy my daughter and spend my time with you and her.”

Gage sucked in a breath. “I can’t lose you Cobie. I won’t lose you.”

“Gage, you’re not losing me. I will always be with you. I have cancer and I’m going to die within a year.”

I watched as a tear slid down his face, landing on his dark blue cotton shirt.

I would be gone before my daughter even knew me. I would only get a few months with her if I was lucky. I had cancer and I was dying. I could lay around and mope about it or I could live my life like anyone else and enjoy being pregnant and having my baby. That was all I had left.

“The fuck I ain’t, Cobie. You die. You’re gone. I lose you. You can’t do this. You can’t kill yourself.”

Grabbing both of Gage’s hands I held his gaze, “Gage, our daughter is growing inside of me, I am not going to do anything to jeopardize that. I have cancer. It fucking sucks but its life. I am not going to let this stop me from having our baby- from becoming a family. Even if it is just for a few months.”

Watching all the emotions roll over Gage’s face I wanted to curse God. Why would he do this? Was this my punishment for getting pregnant by my brothers best friend? I had so many questions running through my head. Letting my tears slide down my face I softly sighed. This was my choice and I wasn’t changing my mind. I would not risk my child just so I could live. I would never be able to live with myself if I terminated my pregnancy just so I could have a life. That isn’t what a mom would do. This wasn’t a hard decision. I didn’t have to think about it at all. Londyn was my choice. Being a mom and having a family was my choice.

Gage grabbed my face as his tears let loose. “I support whatever you choose. I want my family but how will I have my family if you’re gone? I thought the plan was to raise her together? We can’t do that if you’re not here.”

Placing my hand over Gage’s heart, I felt it racing. “Gage, I will always be with you, in here. You won’t be alone. Now, I’m going to go get Dr. Emmons and tell him what we decided. No treatment.”

Gage dropped his hands from my face and wiped at his eyes. Without saying anything he nodded.

Walking down the hall I found Dr. Emmons sitting at a smaller desk, looking at his iPad.

“Dr. Emmons, Gage and I made our decision.”

Looking up from his iPad, he gave a half smile. “Okay. Let’s go back to my office and talk.”

Following Dr. Emmons back down the hall to his office, I found Gage still in his chair, staring at his hands.

Dr. Emmons took his seat behind his desk, joining his hands under his chin. “Cobie has told me you have made your decision.”

Gage looked to me, pain written all over his face. “Yes.”

I leaned into Gage and wrapped my arm around his. “No treatment.”

Dr. Emmons sighed and said, “Cobie, you understand without any treatment you have very little chance of survival?”

Sniffing, I waited as the image of my doctor blurred as tears filled my eyes. “Yes, I understand. But, with all due respect I will not lose my child just so I can have a life. I will take these next few months that I have and cherish them. I want my family, if only for a few days or weeks or months. That is better than nothing. Nothing you say will change my mind doctor.”

Dr. Emmons smiled. “In no way am I trying to change your mind. What you are doing is incredibly brave and shows just how much love you have for your child.”

Pulling into our driveway Gage put his car in park and stared into space.

“Fuck! I can’t believe this is happening. We don’t deserve this. We deserve to be a family. To be happy. To raise our daughter together. Fuck cancer!” Gage slammed his hands on the steering wheel.

I had never seen this side of Gage. He was scary.

“Gage, don’t do this. Getting angry won’t do anything. We can’t change this.”

“Oh God, Co.” Gage hung his head. “I’m so sorry. I know there isn’t anything we can do. I just feel like I should be able to fix this. And, I can’t.”

I blinked my tears away. “I don’t expect you to fix this. I just want you by my side.”

Gage lifted his head and kissed me softly. “I’m standing right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Gage

It had been almost two weeks since Cobie was diagnosed with cancer. Two of the hardest weeks of my life. This was tearing me apart. After she and I found out we were having a girl I felt like we had turned a corner only to smack face first into a twenty foot tall brick wall. It was too late to tell myself I would be fine without her. Fact was, I loved her. Being with her took away the hurt and emptiness. Now I was losing her, too.

True, one could say we wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for Londyn, and chances are they would be right. But, I had been attracted to Cobie since the first time I saw her walk into Jenna’s parent’s house the week of Jenna and Larkin’s wedding. I watched her all weekend. Then that night she came into my bar, she looked so innocent. I was drawn straight to her. I thought if I could just screw her one time she would be out of my system. Shit, was I wrong. That only made it worse, and to add insult to injury, the following days she ignored me and acted as if she didn’t even know me.

Sighing, I collected myself and started down the stairs. “I called my parents, they are flying in tomorrow afternoon. Have you heard anything from Larkin and Jenna?” I asked as I walked into the living room, where Cobie sat curled up on the couch. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

Blinking tears out of her eyes she tossed her cell phone onto the coffee table and said, “Yep. Just got off the phone with Larkin. They are taking the first flight in the morning so they should be here sometime tomorrow afternoon, too. Now all I have to do is have my mom and Gramps come over.”

“Cobie, are we sure about this? I mean I want to be a dad and be a family but at the cost of losing you?”

I sat down beside her and pulled her feet into my lap. We were both silent for a long time, staring at nothing in particular.

“This was the easiest choice I have ever had to make. You know if you were me, you would pick the same thing. I’m going to have our baby and we are going to be a family for however long we can. I will not let this cancer beat me. I will die a happy mom who was blessed enough to bring life into this world.”

Why did God feel the need to take the only two women I loved away from me? No, Cobie and I were not in love like a married couple but we loved each other. She had become my best friend. She filled the void Jenna left. And now- now I was losing her too. My faith in God was failing. If there was a God, where was he? Why was he taking this beautiful, funny, smart, sassy, stubborn, and selfless woman? She still had so much she needed to do and see. So much more to offer. Her daughter needed her. Fuck, I needed her.

Speaking around the lump forming in my throat I said, “I need you, Co. How am I going to raise our daughter? She’s going to need her mom.”

Cobie raked her teeth over her top lip, pulling it slightly into her mouth. “I need you to promise me something. Promise me that Londyn will know who I am. That she will know how much I loved her and wanted to be her mommy. Promise that when you find someone, she loves Londyn like I would.”

Pulling her into my lap I rubbed my hand on Cobie’s belly. “She will know what an amazing woman you are. I will tell her every day. There will be no question as to how much you loved her. I swear, I will make it my life’s goal to teach her everything about you and the love you had to give. I will never find someone to replace you, Co. I can’t picture anyone but you to raise our daughter with. If it’s not you, I don’t want anyone else.”