“Yes way, he so did,” Seth mutters mockingly and he drops a

pile of clothes down on the countertop. The cashier glares at him

as she coils the cord of the phone around her finger. Seth makes a

face at her and she turns her back on us.

“Now we’re going to be here forever.” I flip through a

selection of necklaces on a small rack near the register. Most have

seashells on them and one even has a miniature bottle of sand.

“Well, I’m going to file a complaint to her manager,” Seth

says loud enough for the cashier to hear.

I pick up the top item that Seth set down: a pair of denim

shorts. “Are you planning on wearing these?” I say sarcastically.

“Ha-ha. You must be feeling better if the sarcasm is coming

out.” He sets a tank top down on the counter. “And no, these are

for you.”

I pick up the tank top. “I’m okay with this.” I pick up a pair of

black lacy panties and then drop them like they’re toxic. “But this is too much.”

I move my hands toward the pile to scoop it up and take it

away, but he slams his hand down on top of it. “Just in case,” he

says and then a sly smile curves at his mouth. “Like maybe if you

feel like being scandalous.”

My cheeks are as flaming hot as the black asphalt

shimmering in the sunlight just outside the store. But I’m smiling

and I momentarily surrender. I figure I’ll get the clothes and then

argue with him when we get back to the house and out of sight of

anyone.

“Fine,” I say and then smile as I point to a man walking down

the street in a pair of mini pink shorts and a T-shirt. I’m trying to act cool and control my blush but it’s hard when there’s so much

skin showing everywhere. “But if I have to dress in this stuff, you

have to dress in one of those.”

He follows where I’m pointing and then grins. “Deal, but I’m

totally getting one in blue. Pink doesn’t look good on me.”

“God, he has to be cold. It’s not that warm.” I start to laugh

at the idea of Seth in them and then my laughter picks up when he

joins in. We’re laughing hysterically by the time the cashier hangs

up the phone. Tears are steaming down our cheeks and there are

temporary laugh lines around our mouths. We keep laughing even

when she gives us a dirty looks, because we’re on the beach, trying

to have fun. And laughing is the first step to fun.

By the time we walk out of the store, it’s gotten even hotter,

but maybe that’s because of Seth’s last few items he threw on top

of the stack. I have a bag in my hand and Seth is carrying several

more at his side. The sun is at its peak and shining down on

everyone. But I feel terrible. Guilty. Sad. I’m walking around in the sunlight and laughing when Kayden is bearing so much darkness

inside himself.

Chapter 10

#14 Let the niceness be

Kayden

The sun’s bright. Like really fucking bright. Maybe it’s

because I’ve been trapped indoors for the last few weeks. Or

maybe it’s because I feel so dark inside. Who the fuck knows. I’m

trying not to think about it too deeply because then I’ll have to

think of the pain—feel it—and I don’t want to yet. Maybe not ever.

Luke and I are strolling up the sidewalk beneath the sun. We

stopped and grabbed some clothes at a local shop and I also

ended picking up something for Callie. I’m not sure when—or

if—I’ll ever give it to her, but it was just too perfect not to get. One day, maybe, I hope.

Since Callie and Seth still haven’t showed up, we decide to

walk down to the beach. Luke keeps checking out every girl who

walks by. He’s acting weird, even for him. But he’s always been this

way whenever something bad is going on at home.

“Are you okay?” I ask as we cross the street at the corner

where the two roads converge.

He glances at me with his eyebrows creased. “Yeah, why

wouldn’t I be?” When we reach the other side of the street he asks,

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie, weaving around a woman shoving through

the crowd while talking really loudly on her cellphone. Luke checks

out her too, angling his head to the side so he can watch her until

she disappears around the corner. “I’m just a little tired.” It’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever given, but he doesn’t press.

We walk the rest of the way down the street without talking

and pause at a crosswalk at the end. There aren’t any cars coming

but we both just stand there staring at the land as it opens up to

the ocean. The waves are fairly quiet and the sun hits the water

and creates a blinding reflection.

I shield my eyes and start to cross the street. There aren’t too

many people, but I don’t want to be around even the small

amount who are headed toward the water. I just don’t want to be

around people right now. I want to be inside somewhere in the

dark, because I feel like they all know what’s inside me by the

bandage on my wrist and the rubber bands. It’s like everything I

worked so hard to hide is out in the open. Luke knows it. The

people half-dressed on the beach know it. Callie knows it.

“So what do people do around here?” Luke asks as we hike

through the sand to where the frothy waves collide with the shore

and wipe away the footprints in the sand.

I shrug, lowering my hand from my eyes. “I’m not sure. Your

father’s the one who lives here.”

His jaw tightens. “Yeah, doesn’t mean I know anything about

this place… or him.”

“How did you even get a key to his place?”

“I don’t have a key.”

I give him a questioning look. “You don’t have a key?”

“Nope,” he says simply.

Great. Just what I need. I’m already facing charges if Caleb

doesn’t accept my dad’s bribe. And after what happened last night,

I’m wondering if he’ll decide to turn it down. I got a text from my

mom this morning saying that he blew her off on the phone when

she called to check up on their deal. Part of me doesn’t want him

to accept. Part of me wants to be cut off from my dad. As I think

this, a hint of rage and agony surfaces inside me and I quickly

choke it down because I’m not capable of dealing with it without a

sharp object to transfer the tearing inside of me to the outside of

me.

“Are we going to get into trouble?” I ask, fidgeting with the

bandage on my wrist, peeling the tape away and then pressing it

back down.

“Nah,” he says and inches up to the brink of the water. “He

hardly ever comes here. And if he does, he won’t be pissed. He’d