hair is stylishly tousled. Luke’s got a pair of striped pajama

bottoms on and no shirt. I immediately feel uncomfortable at the

sight of his bare chest with tattoos all over it. Some of my old

feelings of shame and guilt begin to surface, so I hitch my finger

through one of Kayden’s belt loops on the back of his jeans. I don’t

know why I do it, other than holding onto him seems to have a

serene effect on me.

He glances over his shoulder at me, his emerald eyes

glistening as he looks at me with concern. “Are you okay?”

I nod, avoiding looking in Luke’s direction, biting at my nails.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He looks down at my finger in his belt loop, and then shrugs

it off. I love him even more at that moment, especially when he

swings his arm around my shoulder and pulls me up next to him as

we stop near the counter, which is littered with beer bottles, ashes, and cigarette butts.

He slants in and brushes his lips across my forehead, before

he announces, “So, we have to head back today.”

Luke starts digging around in the fridge and then he moves

back with a gallon of milk in his hand, kicking the door shut with

his barefoot. “Are you fucking kidding me? We just got here

yesterday morning.”

“I know,” Kayden says, glancing at me with a hint of fear in

his eyes. “But… but there are a few things that Callie and I have to

take care of back at home.”

Seth puts a cigarette in his mouth, cups his hand around the

end, and flicks the lighter. “Like what?” He drops the lighter onto

the table and leans back, taking a long drag and then letting a thin

trail of smoke escape his mouth.

“Like really important stuff,” I say with pressing eyes, hoping

he’ll catch on.

And just like the good friend that he is, he catches on. “Oh,

okay.”

Luke shoots him a harsh look as he twists off the lid on the

milk. “No way. I’m driver. Therefore I get final say.”

Kayden exhales loudly and then moves his arm away from

my shoulder. He walks up to Luke and places his hand on the

counter, standing right in front of Luke. “Look, I know why you

don’t want to go back—and I really don’t want to make you—but

there’s something I’ve been running away from that I need to

return to.”

I don’t know if Luke understands Kayden’s full meaning, but I

think he might. He nods his head with a grunt, even though he

looks annoyed. “Alright, if it’s important, then it’s important.”

“Thanks.” Kayden returns to my side. “You want to go pack

your stuff?”

I nod and then motion at Seth to come with me. He puts his

cigarette out in a leaf-shaped ashtray that’s in the center of the

table and then pushes the chair back. He gets to his feet, glancing

at Kayden as he walks by, and then he links arms with me. We walk

side by side back to the room. As soon as the door shuts, he turns

around and puts his hands on his hips.

“All right, let’s have it,” he demands. “What’s going on?”

I shake my head and bend down to pick up a pair of shorts

and one of my shirts off the floor. “I can’t tell you.”

He gapes at me with his hands out to the side. “Why?”

“Because I can’t yet.” I ball up the clothes and stuff them into

my bag, which is near the foot of the bed on the floor. “Part of it’s that I’m not ready to and part of it’s because it’s not my thing to

tell—it’s Kayden’s.”

He doesn’t press anymore. He starts packing his stuff as I

gather up my clothes. I clean up a little, stalling, knowing that as

soon as we walk out of the house, Kayden and I’ll be stepping back

into reality and all I can hope is that it’ll be nice to us.

Chapter 16

#15 Stop torturing yourself

Callie

I’m afraid to go home and face my mother, even with Kayden

at my side. Halfway there I turn on my phone to find that I have

thirty-seven new voicemails and fifty-eight text messages. All are

from her and it’s unbelievable and yet believable at the same time.

She’s never been good at handling things that don’t fit into her

world. And rebel-runaway Callie fits about as well as lone-Goth

Callie did.

“We could get a hotel room,” Seth suggests as we pull into

town. “And keep the vacation going.”

“Or at least avoid going home,” Luke mutters, grumpily.

It’s late, the trees in the park are flashing with lively red

twinkly lights, and there’s a huge inflatable Santa at the entrance

welcoming us to town. Kayden has been really quiet the entire

drive, staring out the window, lost in his thoughts and it makes me

sad. Luke has been silent too, chain smoking the entire drive and

Seth has been equally as bad.

I glance at Kayden, wondering what he thinks of the hotel

idea, but all he does is stare out the window. “I feel like if I go to hotel then I’m running away from my problems,” I say. “I should

probably go home and face the wrath of my mom.”

“Why?” Seth asks, surprising me. I gape at him as smoke

snakes from his lips and he takes out the cigarette and sticks his

hand out the window, scattering ash into the street as he grazes

his thumb across the end. “Callie, I hate to say this”—his brown

eyes flick to Luke, then to Kayden, before he leans in and

whispers—“but until you can tell your mom, and you-know-who

will officially no longer be showing up at your house, it might be

good for you to stay away from there. Stop torturing yourself.”

I press my lips together as he leans back. “I’m don’t torture

myself,” I mumble.

“You don’t?” Seth flicks his cigarette out the window and

then rolls it up. Luke’s truck is really old and doesn’t have

automatic windows so Seth’s arm fights against the tension in the

handle.

Kayden glances at me with a frown on his face. “Seth’s right,”

he agrees quietly.

I think about all the times I spent wishing I could just shrink

into a ball, maybe become invisible, maybe disappear altogether.

But if I could have just broken Caleb’s hold over me, maybe I

would have escaped from the tortuous years I spent locked away,

living inside myself. Could I do it? Just free myself? Do I have that kind of power? I really don’t have to go back unless I want to. I can go back when I’m ready to confess. “All right, let’s get a hotel

room.” It’s such a simple conclusion, yet it took me forever to get

to it.

I don’t have to go back home until I’m ready. I have choices,

power, freedom. I can sever the ties with the things that hurt me.