Wondering how many times he was going to ask that in twenty-four hours, I turned to him. “I’m fine, really.”

He looked like there was something he wanted to say, but he leaned forward and kissed my forehead instead. “I’m going to go check the grounds.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Stay here and take it easy, Alex. Just for tonight, okay?”

I felt the urge to pout. “You shouldn’t have to do that alone.”

“I’m not.” He flashed a grin. “Solos will be with me.”

“He wasn’t with you earlier. That’s what you were doing when everyone was eating, right? Checking the grounds, making sure no daimons were sneaking up on us?”

“I doubt there are any daimons out here.”

But he was still patrolling, because that’s what Sentinels did, and I thought about how he was willing to leave this life… leave it for us. I bet, if we lived in some place like Apple River, he’d still check the yard every night. Thinking that brought a smile to my lips.

“I’ve missed your smiles,” he said, standing.

I looked up, wanting to grab his hand and make him stay. “I’ll be here waiting.”

“I know.”

He looked at me strangely and then he left, and I was alone… alone except for the low buzz in the back of my head. I tried not to pay attention to it, because it symbolized a whole truckload of potential problems. That damn buzzing meant that Seth was still there, and I didn’t know what that really meant in terms of him contacting me.

Glancing at the window, I took a breath but it got stuck. What if Seth could reach me? Would I be able to fight off what he wanted? If I did, could I somehow reason with him? Or would I just lose myself again, and this time there’d be no reaching me? An ache pierced my chest.

Unable to think about that without ending up in the corner rocking, I reached for the remote and turned the TV on. The news still focused on the horrific earthquake in Los Angeles and the developing story coming out the Pacific Northwest.

Taking in the destruction the gods were wreaking, I knew only one thing—and it hurt in a way that shouldn’t have, in a way I couldn’t really explain. Seth had to die, but I had no idea how to do it… or if I really could, when it came down to it.

CHAPTER 11

I stayed in front of that TV the entire night, tired but not sleepy. Aiden passed out in the recliner beside the couch around three in the morning. I doubted that he was cool with leaving my side for long stretches of time. I didn’t know if he was worried that I’d turn into Evil Alex again, or if he just needed to be near me. Either way, I was comforted by his soft snores. I think he was waiting for me to give up on my morbid fascination with the news, but I didn’t.

Every newscaster had something different to add. More pictures streamed in from all around the globe. Mortals poured into the L.A. streets, rioting and looting, but in the Middle East, they dropped to their knees in the streets and prayed.

Clutching the remote until my knuckles ached, I tried—really tried—to imagine what it must be like to be these mortals. To be caught in something so much bigger than them while having no idea that, at any given second, everything could be ripped away from them.

I had more in common with them than I realized.

It really did seem like the end of the world. No mortal could explain the series of catastrophic events that, in their limited knowledge, couldn’t be related to each other.

What was happening out there was beyond horrifying, and the destruction was because of Seth and me. Maybe it wouldn’t have come to this if Seth hadn’t attacked the Council. Maybe the gods would’ve left us alone to live our lives.

Maybe they would’ve found a way to kill us anyway.

I didn’t know and it really didn’t matter. This was where we were now, and things were screwed up. While all the knowledge of the Apollyons was floating around in my head, none of it was useful when it came to fixing this.

Laadan appeared in the doorway, dressed in slacks and a white sweater today. Her hair was perfectly coifed, in spite of the fact the world had donned its crazy pants. The woman was awe-inspiring.

She glanced at Aiden and smiled. “Care to join me for some coffee?”

How could I ever turn down caffeine? Nodding, I started out of the room, but backtracked to where Aiden rested and fixed the quilt I’d draped over him a few hours ago. The man must have been exhausted, because he didn’t wake up, which was rare.

I followed Laadan into the kitchen and watched her make quick work of the coffee. With our steaming cups in hand, we went into the sunroom for the privacy it offered. We sat on the window seat, our legs tucked toward each other. Finally, we were going to talk about my father, and I had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth.

I was even a little scared, stupid and weak as that was, and my stomach was flipping all over the place. I knew nothing of my father, only discovering that he was a half-blood and alive a few months ago.

Laadan took a sip of her coffee and blinked several times. “First, I want to apologize for what happened to you at the Council. I—”

“You don’t have to apologize. That wasn’t your fault.” And it wasn’t. Laadan had been compelled to give me the Brew—like a suped-up roofie of the gods—by one of Telly’s Guards, probably the one I’d killed…

“What they tried to do to you was horrid.” Tears filled her eyes, shining like crystals. “I wish—I wish I had known. I am so sorry—”

“Laadan, seriously, you don’t have to apologize. I know you would never willingly do something like that. And I know you don’t remember who did it. It’s okay.” And gods, I did not want to talk about that night. Beside the fact that it made me think about the Guard I’d killed, if I hadn’t ended up puking my guts out, Seth and I… we would’ve done it, and after everything now, I don’t think I’d ever get over that.

I sat my coffee on the small wicker table as my stomach roiled. “I want to know about my dad.”

A remarkable change occurred in Laadan. A different kind of sheen misted in her eyes. She took another drink, her pointer finger tapping off the glass. The anticipation was killing me.

“Your father is a… an incredible man, Alex. You should know that above all else.”

My breath fell short. “I know.” I did know, because he had to be to break the rules and love my mother. “The Elixir didn’t work on my father, did it?”

Laadan smiled wistfully. “Your father—Alexander—well, he always had a strong will, much like you. The Elixir has taken its toll on him, but he never completely fell to the compulsion. I do not know how, but he resisted it from the beginning.”

I clasped my hands together. “I think I saw him on the stairs once, and then toward the end, during the attack. He was fighting…”

“You did see him.” Her gaze moved to the window behind us. Early-morning sunlight sliced over the frost-covered glass. “He was in the library the night we spoke of your mother and him.”

I could only stare. I knew someone had been in there. “The books that fell over—that was him?”

She nodded.

How many times had I been close to the man—to my father—without knowing? A hurricane of disappointment swelled inside me. “And… and he knows I’m his daughter?”

“Yes, he knows.” She reached out with her free hand, gently touching the skin of my face, near a bruise that was already starting to heal. “He would recognize you anywhere. You look so much like your mother.”

That bite of sadness strengthened and I pulled back. “Then why didn’t he talk to me?”

Laadan looked away, her chin lowering.

“I tried talking to him, Laadan. In the stairwell, but he just… stared at me. And why didn’t he come up to me in the library? I know he couldn’t just announce who he was, but why…” My throat tightened. “Why didn’t he want to talk to me, at least?”