Consilium

*Visere

*Videre

*Vincere

Plan

*Make a visit

*Have a look-see

*Take it over

Sequelae

*De bello stultum librum scribam

*A nonnullis irrumatoribus occidar in Foro

*Acetaria et mensis accipient a me nomina

Follow-up

*Write a stupid book about it

*Get assassinated in the forum by a bunch of assholes

*Salad and month get named after me

Conclusio

*Faciam ut animus meus scrutetur

*Quid illa femella Cleopatra?

Conclusions

*Get head examined

*What about that Cleopatra dame?

X. Calculus won’t be invented for another fifteen hundred years

Calculus differentialis non invenietur intra mille quingentos annorum

IX. When you’re late on a rainy day, you can always blame the sundial

Si sub Iove pluvioso serius advenias, tu culpare semper potes horologium solare

VIII. If you piss off one god, you’ve still got 600 left

Si deum irrites unum, sescenti tibi iam supersint

VII. Actors are treated like dirt

Histriones foede tractantur

VI. Athletes who complain about their pay end up in an urn

Athletae qui queruntur de mercedibus mox in urnas funduntur

V.Scumbags who get the death penalty think they got off light

Scelesti mortis damnati se leviores poenas pensuros reuntur

IV. The likeliest place to find some pushy Christian preacher is inside a lion

Veri simillimum est, locum in quo praedicatorem Christianum protervum invenies, ventrem leoninum esse

III. The French are an ignorant bunch of servile peasants living in smelly huts, and the Germans are getting their asses kicked

Gens Gallorum inerudita servilis agrestis est, in tuguriis foetidis habitans, et Germani vapulant

II. A healthy diet consists of waiting to see if the food taster dies before having anything to eat

Diaeta salubris est, antequam aliquid cenes, observare an moriatur praegustator

I. Everyone is always dressed for a toga party

Omnès amiciuntur semper togis quasi convivium agitaturi

Actually, I’m a born-again pagan

Re vera, cultor denuo renatus deorum Romanorum antiquorum sum

I get to worship whomever I like, including SpongeBob SquarePants

Licet mihi venerari pro deo quemlibet, etiam SpongoRobertum QuadratoBracatum

I always ask myself, What would Julius Caesar do?

Me semper rogo, Quid faceret Iulius Caesar?

No, as far as miracles go, this “J. C.” never raised the dead, but he certainly lowered a lot of the living

Immo, si de miraculis agitur, ille “I Ce” nullos mortuos ad vitam revocavit, sed tamen multos vivos ad mortem sane misit

We’re having a prayer breakfast down at the pistol range

Ientabimus, precatione facta, in campo manuballistulario

I am a firm believer in tough hate

Mihi persuasum est odisse acerbe

* Love thy neighbors, and to show you really mean it, send 50,000 heavily armed soldiers to knock on their door and ask in the nicest possible way if they’d like to join your empire.

Do unto others, but do it first

Fac hominibus aliis, atqui fac prius

Blessed are the poor, because they leave so much more money for the rest of us

Beati pauperes, quoniam tanto plus pecuniae nobis reliquis relinquunt

Blessed are the meek, because we can cut in front of them in lines

Beati mites, quoniam istis in ordine stantibus anteponere nosmet ipsos possumus

If someone smites you on the cheek, turn the other cheek and see what kind of a smiter he is with a bloody stump

Si quis te percusserit in dexteram maxillam tuam, praebe illi alteram ut possis cognoscere quam fortiter percussurus sit bracchio truncato cruento

Love thy neighbors, and to show you really mean it, send 50,000 heavily armed soldiers to knock on their door and ask in the nicest possible way if they’d like to join your empire

Dilige proximos tuos, utque illis ostendas te re vera diligere, mitte decem legiones quae ianuas pulsent et quam dulcissime ab illis quaerant, num velint in tuum imperium recipi

The theory of evolution is baloney. Everyone knows the whole universe came out of Saturn’s nostrils

Theoria Darwiniana evolutionis specierum absurda est. Constat inter omnes universitatem rerum ab naribus Saturni venisse

Of course I can speak in tongues, but I prefer Latin

Sane loqui variis linguis possum sicut Apostoli die Pentecostes, sed malo Latine loqui

Let’s say grace: O gods, thank you for permitting us to gobble this food the way Caesar gobbled up half of Europe. Amen.

Precemur. O di, gratias vobis agimus, quod nos sinitis hunc cibum sic devorare quo modo C. Iulius Caesar dimidiam partem Europae devoravit. Finis.

It fell off the back of a truck, capeesh?

De extremo plaustro excidit; comprehendisne mente quod dico?

You got a problem with that, paysan?

Num de hoc dubitas, compagane?

Whatsamatter you?

Quid te sollicitat?

Fuhgeddaboutit

Eice id ex animo

Geddouttahere

Noli mecum nugari

God forbid, a piano should fall on your head

Dii prohibeant ne clavicinium in caput tuum delabatur

Meditate on this, pal

Meditare de hoc, amice

Do you know the yoga position where you put your head between your legs and kiss your ass good-bye?

Scisne schema gymnosophisticum per quod, capite inter femora flexo, iubentur basio valere clunes?

Did a dish of potpourri just catch fire, or did someone light up a joint?

Utrum patella florum siccatorum ignem modo concepit, an aliquis accendit sarcinulam cannabis?

Man, that shit is potent-I am like totally in the subjunctive

Mehercle, illa materia tam valida est ut funditus in modo subiunctivo sim

I’ve got the munchies! Pizza pizza!

Esurio! Libum Neapolitanum!