Of Lilly. And if that hurt to think about?

Well, I guess that just showed that I was capable of feeling pain, after all.

The ride to the country club passed quickly. As I climbed out of my truck, I grabbed the wrapped present Mother had given me along with the tux, murmuring hellos as I made my way inside. I plastered on a fake smile and pushed through the doors, tugging on my tux jacket to make sure none of my ink showed…and the smile quickly went away.

Because I realized what this “party” was.

To my left was a picture of Derek and Lilly, holding on to each other and smiling. If you cared enough to study it closely, you could see they were both miserable as hell. It struck me that I knew when this was taken. Exactly a week ago. It was from the day she left me, and our breakfast, to go to her parents’ house with Derek.

And she’d come to my door afterward, wanting me to let her in.

Stood crying outside my door. After smiling for this photo.

Above the entryway there was a tasteful banner reading “Good luck” in pink-and-yellow letters, set against an elegant fabric arrangement. I had walked into some sort of formal engagement party for Lilly and Derek…and no one had bothered to tell me.

Yanking on my bow tie again, I glanced to my right. A discreet placard reminded guests of their wedding date, September 18, and invited them to sign the guest book. Then there was a photo collage on an easel with a generic quote in the middle about marrying your best friend.

I was literally celebrating her marriage to another man.

Now I truly had found hell.

I gripped the present that my mother had given me, wrapped in a pretty fucking silver bow. It didn’t have a recipient name, just mine on a generic “best wishes” card. No. Hell, no. I might be a gracious man, and I might be willing to accept that I lost the one battle worth winning, but I would be damned if I toasted the “happy” couple.

There was a table overflowing with presents straight ahead, so I stalked over to it, set mine on top of a large square present wrapped in the same pink-and-yellow wrapping paper, and headed for the door. I made it halfway there without anyone stopping me—but had to come up short for the second-to-last person I wanted to see.

Derek Thornton III.

“Leaving so soon?” he asked, raising a cocky brow at me. I wanted nothing more than to punch the little shit all over again. This time, in front of his people. “Got a hot date waiting out there?”

“No.” I flexed my jaw. “I just prefer not to be a hypocrite, since I don’t approve of this marriage.”

Derek laughed. My fingers twitched with the desire to knock that damn laugh right off his fucking face. “I guess Lilly doesn’t really care if you approve, does she?”

“Guess not,” I said through my teeth. I slapped him on the shoulder, shaking him in what probably looked like a friendly manner, and smiled in case anyone was watching. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you are, and always will be, an undeserving prick. We both know it.”

“What’s your problem with me? I’ve never had someone dislike me so—” He broke off, blinking. “Oh, my God. You’re the other guy.” Derek eyed me, curling his lip up, not bothering to fight my hold on him. “What were you two thinking? Even if we weren’t getting married, you two would never work. It’s utterly absurd.”

I stepped closer, nostrils flaring, rage making my blood boil. “We all want what we can’t have. You know all about that, don’t you, Derek?”

Derek paled. “She told you? I’ll kill her.”

Something inside me snapped. I threw my arm around him like we were the best of buds and marched us out of the room. He didn’t even fight me. Just went along with me. I stalked into an empty, quiet hallway that led to a dead end and seemed to only house what appeared to be a closet. The second we rounded the corner, I slammed him into the wall, pressing both hands against his chest.

“If you ever—ever—threaten her again, I will kill you. And I won’t hesitate,” I said. “I’ve killed men for far less, trust me.”

He tried to shove me off, but it was ineffective. He had about as much power as a housefly. “Get off me.”

“I’ll get off you when I’m satisfied you’ll treat Lilly the way she deserves to be treated.” I shoved into his chest, cutting his air supply off. “You ever raise a hand to her, or hurt her, you can bet your sorry ass I will be there to make you pay. Do you understand me?”

Derek made another attempt to break free, and this time, I let him. “Go to hell.”

“Gladly.” I smoothed his jacket and patted his cheek harder than necessary. “And if you don’t play your cards right, I’ll be dragging you there with me.”

He stormed off, and I covered my face, taking a deep breath. I needed to get the hell out of here before I totally broke. Needed to leave before I saw Lill—

“Jackson?” Lilly’s soft voice asked. “Are you okay?”

Shit. Here was the last person I wanted to see. I laughed and lowered my hands, focusing on her, because of course she’d followed me back here. And of course we were finally alone. And now I knew what she’d had in the bag.

A fucking dress.

She’d changed into a gorgeous long, red gown, and naturally, she was stunning in it. It hit her ankles, revealing a sexy pair of heels, which meant the tip of her head was level with my chin. Normally, she barely reached my shoulder. The red played nicely with her complexion, and gave her cheeks a naturally rosy hue.

She was painfully, breathtakingly, unattainably beautiful.

And I was so done pretending I was fine with losing. “No. I’m not okay. Do I look like I’m fucking okay?”

She wrung her hands, glanced over her shoulder, and stepped closer to me. As if she was uncertain of her welcome. I must’ve done a pretty good job making her think I was over her when I wasn’t. At least I knew I had a second career in acting if this whole army recruiter thing didn’t pan out. “What happened?”

“You’re going to marry him,” I snapped, pointing into the general direction of where Derek had gone, pacing in front of the closet door. “That’s what happened.”

Her hands twisted even more. “Jackson, I—”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Every time you walk in a room, my heart speeds up. When you come close to me, and I smell your perfume, my whole body comes alive. You make me feel like I don’t have to be alone in this world. Like I deserve love, and happiness, and all that shit—and goddamn you, you’re marrying someone else.”

She shook her head rapidly, tears shining back at me. “You do deserve all those things. You always have.”

“Just not with you, right?”

“Jackson…” Her lower lip trembled, but she bit down on it. “I regret so much. I wish that I didn’t lea—”

“Hell, no.” I stalked toward her and yanked her into the closet with me, not letting her out of my arms even once it shut behind us. “No damn regrets.”

“Jackson.”

“No.” I shook her gently. Her soft skin that I missed touching more than I would miss oxygen or water teased my calloused fingers. My heart rate quickened, and I inhaled her perfume like a starving man. Just one last time. “You’re not allowed to regret me. You promised.”

She choked on a sob. “I don’t regret you. I swear it. That’s not what I was saying. I’m saying—”

“Good, because I don’t regret you, either.” I cut her off, because I didn’t want to hear what she regretted. What she wished she could change. If she wasn’t going to do it, then I didn’t give a damn about wishes and dreams. “There’s no wishing I hadn’t touched you. Kissed you. Fallen for you. I don’t even regret the pain I’m going to feel for the rest of my life because I lost you.” I lowered my face, tipping hers upward, but not kissing her. “The only thing I wish is that I could have called you mine for real.”