She caught my hand, pressing it closer to her skin. “I am yours. I’ve always been yours. And I will always be yours.”

“But you’re not. Not really,” I said, my heart racing. I was about to open myself up in a way I never had before, but instead of being scary, it felt freeing. New. This was what life was. Opening your heart up. Taking risks. Not closing yourself off. That wasn’t living. That was just staying alive. Lilly had taught me that. “I love you, Lilly. I had to tell you that, before I walked away. I love you with everything I am. Everything I could be. And everything I’ll never be. It’s all yours.”

She threw herself into my arms, clinging to me and trembling. “Jackson,” she whispered, the soft words searing onto my heart like a tattoo that would never fade. “I wish…I wish…God.”

It didn’t escape my notice that she didn’t say the words back.

“I know. Me, too.” I hugged her back, holding her so tightly, it was a miracle I didn’t crack a rib. It still wasn’t tight enough. I memorized the way she felt against me, knowing this was the last time I would feel it. Knowing this was my last chance to hold her like this. Love her. Touch her. Breathe in her scent. “Lilly, I’m leaving. I should be hearing back about Hawaii tomorrow, but no matter what they say, I’m going. And I’m not coming back. I can’t see you with him. Can’t do it.”

“Jackson…” Her shoulders shook, and she clung to me even tighter, sobs escaping her in big, gasping gulps. “No.”

I closed her out, my own pain cutting me in half like a guillotine blade. “Shh.” I kissed her temple. “Don’t cry.” Her salty cheek this time. “Please don’t cry over me.”

She lifted her face to mine, those bright emerald eyes of hers sucking me in. “I can’t stop. I can’t…I can’t…I…”

Can’t marry him. You can’t marry him. Say it.

But she didn’t.

So I kissed her softly, putting all those feelings I’d been spilling out to her into actions instead of words. It was meant to be a goodbye, of sorts. But that soft kiss exploded, and morphed into something more, the second our lips touched. And the next thing I knew, she was pressed between the wall and me, my hand was up her dress, and she moaned my name.

And I was helpless to stop it.

Chapter 21

Lilly

I love you, too, Jackson.

It was there, dying to escape. To be said. To be heard. Because I did love him, with all my heart, and I always had. Probably always would. But he was telling me to jump off a cliff with him, to take a leap, and I wasn’t sure how I could do that.

Not with all of those people counting on me.

I love you, too. So much.

I was trying my best to hold it all back, because saying those words would do neither of us any good. Saying it wouldn’t change the fact I was committed to my decision and that he was committed to his. At this point, we both knew there was no compromise to be found here.

The only thing that would change our unhappy ending was if I stopped caring. If I walked away from it all, and left Derek, the company, my family, and made them all fend for themselves, then we could be happy. But at what cost?

We were in a dim supply closet, with mops and brooms and all sorts of cleaning supplies, but neither of us seemed to notice. Or care. I ran my hands over Jackson’s arms, the urgency of his kiss hitting me, too. Spurring me on. I knew this would be the end. The last moments of our time together. Jackson was leaving, and I knew that I wouldn’t see him again for a long time.

Maybe not ever.

I knew I would write to him, after all, let him know I still thought of him, but he wouldn’t write me back. As far as Jackson was concerned, this was the end of us….

Unless I did something.

Tears stung the backs of my eyelids, but I forced them to wait. My fingers fumbled with the button of his pants, and I unzipped them. His hard erection strained against the confines of his pants. When they hit the floor around his ankles, he groaned. I wrapped my hand around him, squeezing, and he thrust into my hand, deepening the kiss.

He slammed me up against the wall and ran his hand up my thigh, not stopping until my dress was around my waist. “Jesus, Lilly.”

I nodded frantically, squeezing his erection harder. “I know.”

“I need one last time. One last taste of heaven.” He kissed me again, hard and fast, pumping his hips into my hand. “I’m an addict, and I need one more hit before I go, love. Just. One. More.”

“Yes, God, yes.” I lifted my leg and he slid his hand under my knee, holding me in place as he thrust his hips against me. “More.”

Growling, he yanked my fingers, breaking my hold on him, and spun me so I faced the wall. I gasped and rested my weight on my hands, up against the wall. From behind me, he nipped at my shoulder and cupped my core, rubbing his palm against my aching clit and thrusting two fingers inside me.

“Oh, my—” I bit down on my tongue to stop the scream that almost escaped, dragging my nails across the wall as they sought purchase. “Jackson.”

“You’re so wet for me. So ready.” He bit down on the back of my neck and flicked his tongue over the sting. “I’ve never wished for a different life like I am in this moment.”

Tossing my dress over my hips, he tipped them up, shoved my panties to the side, and positioned himself at my core. Bending over me, he placed a hand over my mouth, kissed my shoulder, and thrust inside me with one hard movement.

I screamed, which was thankfully muffled, and came so hard I saw stars. He let out a long and sexy groan and moved inside me, his hips going faster and deeper with each stroke, while his fingers continued to move over my clit. He took me higher right away, dragging me over the crest with him all over again. I knew I wasn’t being quiet, despite his hand and my best efforts, and someone might be able to hear us, but the thing was…

I didn’t care. Not anymore.

How could I, when he loved me? Jackson Worthington loved me, and I loved him, too. I had everything I ever wanted in my grasp—things I didn’t even know I wanted until Jackson—and I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t give up on us.

We were meant to be.

“I love you,” he said in my ear.

I cried out, the sound unintelligible, and lifted my hips higher so he could go even deeper. When he did, I screamed his name and came again, the whole world just kind of fading away to nothing and no one else but Jackson. He thrust once, twice, a third time, and he came, too, grunting and collapsing on top of me the best he could considering our position.

Our uneven, heavy breathing synced, and he held me close, lowering his hand from my mouth and pressing it to my chest, so we were glued together even more. His other hand remained over my core. “Lilly.”

It was time to tell him. To open myself up like he had done to me, to take that leap and try to get my own happy ending. To give up on what had been laid out in front of me my whole life, and create my own destiny. “Jackson, I lo—”

The door flew open, and we both froze.

I mean, we had literally been caught pants-down, and there was no going back from that. No making excuses or explaining it away. I might have been more panicked if I hadn’t already decided I wanted to call off the wedding, but now…it was a means to an end. Still, the strap of my dress had fallen to my elbow and was pulled down at the breast. The bottom half of the gown was around my waist…and Jackson was still buried deep inside me with his pants around his ankles.