“Joe.”

He stopped me again. “The truth is out and it’s better this way. Maybe you won’t be so hard on me for running. I feel like shit for leaving you as it is.”

“I’m so sorry, Joe. I am sorry for your pain and your loss.” I reached over and embraced him in a hug. I dug my chin into his shoulder and he squirmed and laughed. I am happy we could still bond like this.

“I’m better now, Vick. It took me a while, but I’m good. I’m thinking clearly.” He pulled away and nodded his head reassuringly.

“Good and yes. It took me a long time to garner up the courage to go, but I am happy I went to New York to find my birth father. His name is Bryce Andrews…” I began.

Joe’s eyes widened, “The business mogul?”

“Yes.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yes.”

My response was followed by a long bout of silence. I knew he needed time to let this information sink in. It was serious information that affected the make-up of our family.

“Our father was still the only father I knew growing up,” I said almost apologetically.

“I know,” Joe answered knowingly.

“Who is the father?” he asked tilting his head to my stomach.

“It’s a man that works with Bryce. He heads the car plant. I’ve been working as an intern for Bryce. I felt like my life was starting to come together, and now everything seems broken again. I can’t have this baby, Joe, I can’t do it without Mama,” I confessed to my brother now that we had opened up to each other.

“You can, Vick, I will be here. Wait until we get Eva and Nelly. Eva is amazing; she will help you. I will help you,” Joe said so convincingly that I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t see myself living in this house. Living in Thunder Bay. I also couldn’t go back to New York and face Luc either, not after he pushed me away.

I did want to continue to get to know Bryce, but I didn’t know how he would fit in the picture now that Luc had left me.

“Joe, I need to get myself together. We can’t be late for the wake,” I said, patting his shoulder. He stood up. He was already dressed in a black button down shirt and black dress pants. He was a handsome guy with a good heart. I had to believe that things would work out for him, even though there were still missing pieces to his story.

We both stood up and walked through the house. I tried to regulate my breathing before I hyperventilated. I had too much thrown on me all at once. I put on my black heels that Luc bought me and my heart hurt some more. I grabbed a warm jacket since November in Thunder Bay was cold.

“I’ll drive,” Joe said, picking up the keys off the side table by the front door. I followed him outside to the old Tracker and we both got in. When we got to the funeral home, my breaths became shallow as we made our way through the front door. A lot of our friends had already arrived. I walked up to the open casket where Papa lay and I held my breath. This whole situation had felt like an out of body experience. Joe kept his hand on my shoulder as he stood behind me, and we took in Papa's pale face. He looked slim, but he also looked at peace. At this point it was all we could ask for.

I know now how Mama’s and Papa’s choices made Joe question his whole identity. I had faith that my brother would man up and take care of Eva and Nelly. Something about knowing about their existence excited me. I couldn’t wait to meet them, although I never pictured myself as a doting aunt.

As our friends passed, they kissed our cheeks and told us how sorry they were for our loss. Loss had been all we knew for too long now. As I tried to find a distraction and put a light smile on my face, I thought of the baby growing inside my belly. It had been a product of the love that I thought Luc and I shared. I had an unwavering belief in him. I just wished that he had the same unwavering belief in us. Thinking of the way he pushed me away hurt even more now that I knew I was pregnant. I had to call Nessa, I suddenly remembered. Then I realized I had left all my things in New York. I would have to return at some point. Bryce would expect an explanation from me. After he had been so kind to me, I owed him at least that.

I wanted so hard to believe that New York was a fresh start for me; all the pieces of my life had begun to fall into place there. Now everything felt like it had been pulled out from under me all over again. There was one thing I knew after talking to Joe this morning, and that was that I couldn’t have an abortion. As scared as Joe seemed over handling his own situation in the wrong way, he also convinced me that he wouldn’t run anymore and I believed him. Back in New York Luc had shown me how the sex parties and screwing around were not who I really was. He was right, but I had lost sight of that through the hurdles that life sent my way. Luc taught me to care for myself and for him. He changed something inside me. He caused a spark of the old Vicky to reignite, and the old Vicky had wanted a husband and family. The old Vicky had been in a monogamous relationship for four years.

As the people at the wake passed us by, my thoughts consumed me.

“Vick, you okay, hon?” Marie came over and embraced me in a hug.

“The best I can be in this situation,” I respond with a sad smile. I hadn’t fallen apart yet, and I assumed that what didn’t kill me would only make me stronger.

“If you need anything you let me know.” She tilted her head assessing me. Marie had known me since I was a baby. I suddenly felt self-conscious, as if she might know my little secret.

“I’ll be okay Marie, you don’t need to worry. Joe is home now, and he promised not to take off again, or at least he promised to stay in touch and I believe him.”

“Okay, hon, but you know I’m here if you need anything at all,” she insisted, making me feel even more self-conscious. Did I look pregnant? I didn’t think so… my stomach was completely flat.

“Thanks Marie, I really do appreciate all your help with organizing this. I couldn’t have handled it on my own,” I said, giving her a small hug.

“It’s my pleasure, hon, you know I consider you and Joe like my own,” she said through sad eyes. Marie and her husband Hal never had any children. I didn’t think they were able to. They had been like the aunt and uncle we never had growing up.

“I know Marie and it means so much.” I squeezed her hand. Suddenly I felt a familiar figure in the shadows. As Jamie made his way toward me, my heart dropped out from under me. My parents both really liked him. They believed we would get married one day. I never told my mother about what happened because she had enough of a burden to carry with her sickness.

“Hey, Vick,” he said waving his hand down low. He was hesitant and nervous. He was wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt. I guess that was his way of paying respects. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. Contact with him still hurt. The wound he inflicted was still deep. He shook Joe’s hand and gave his condolences then he walked toward the casket while Joe eyed me warily.

Soon after, people started to leave. Marie announced that there would be refreshments at the Molino house right after, and my eyes went wide because I hadn’t prepared anything. I was hoping to go home to a quiet house.

“No worries, hon, Hal took care of setting everything up over there, we brought food from the diner. All is covered.” She smiled kindly and I huffed out a breath. Phew!

“Marie, I need to pay you…” I insisted.

She cut in, “Don’t even go there, little girl.” She pointed her finger in warning, but she had a smile on her face that was light and kind.

“Thanks so much.” I gave her another hug.

“You ready to go, Vick?” Joe came around and placed a hand on my back, guiding me outside. We both got into the Tracker and I opened the window needing the fresh air.

“You want me to stop and get you something to eat?” he asked with a worried tone. It was already late afternoon and I hadn’t eaten. I knew I was losing weight because my skirt was slipping off, and I was skinny as it was.