“Although I dislike the predatory aspect of deflowering as many virgins as one can, there’s nothing wrong with an older, loving person showing a novice a few tricks regarding getting laid. We tend to teach our young people everything except how to screw.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, November 1977

A good lover will take the time and energy to explore his woman’s body and learn all the sensations that rock her boat. Most men will discover her G-spot during the journey. If that’s not enough help, however, do this: Wet your fingers with saliva or a water-based lubricant and insert two fingers into the vagina. Touch the posterior wall with your index finger. The sensation of putting pressure on that back wall is often enough to get a woman going. Talk to her while you are doing it and pay attention to her responses. There will be some women who find it uncomfortable (in a bad way) and, if that is the case, move on!

You will know that you are at the G-spot because the skin there feels differently than the rest of the lining of the vaginal walls. The G-spot feels like a small area of wrinkled skin, where the rest of the lining feels taut. Once you’ve located it, move your fingers around, caressing the spot. Tickle it. Make the “come here” motion with your finger, a sort of scooping motion. You can also use the other hand to stimulate her clit, or use your tongue. Most women really get off on the combination of fellatio and hand-stimulation of the G-spot.

Pleasurable vaginal play depends on moving slowly to generate fairly symmetrical sensations, and remembering that the border between pleasure and pain here is razor thin. A man should get to know the size and shape of his partner’s vagina, and remember that it changes shape depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle and how excited she gets.

Be aware that problems for women reaching orgasm can be physical in nature. Beware of hooded clitoris syndrome: A little foreskin over her clit could be preventing her from feeling sensations she would otherwise experience. If this is the problem, the covering can be surgically removed and the problem will no doubt disappear along with the extra skin. If the problem lies elsewhere, it won’t be so easily remedied. I hate to suggest that one use alcohol to enjoy sex—drinks just help to deaden certain erotic possibilities—but some women might need a little alcohol just to help overcome inhibitions. Also, you may be placing too much emphasis on her having an orgasm. It isn’t everything, despite what a number of sexologists say. Sex can be great without orgasms. Don’t get me wrong—I love my orgasms, but it doesn’t always have to end with a big bang.

For the more adventurous couple, here’s a tip I love from howtohavegoodsex.com, a great source for matters of the female body: Using your index finger and thumb this time, pull together some of the tissue from the vaginal walls and rub it together using the finger and thumb. Start out very carefully and very gently and pay attention to her response. If you are causing irritation or she just doesn’t like the feeling, move along. However, many women have been driven up the wall by this, so it’s worth a try. Remember, it is better to err on the side of too soft, rather than too hard, as too soft isn’t likely to end your play but causing pain will. Always give her two different sensations at the same time and then ask her which she likes better. It is easier for women (or anyone, for that matter) to answer a question if it is simple: “Do you like this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “Or this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “But which?” . . . “Uh huh.” Be ready for that. She just might like it all.

Take care not to lose that bear! The vagina is the center of a woman’s physical universe and is both mysterious and magical. New lives begin there. Men spend the rest of their lives trying to return there. Some men have no limits to the experiments they will perform on their women, and some women have their own fetishes for putting strange things up there. Hospital records will tell you that emergency rooms have extracted some pretty bizarre things from the wombs of visitors. The most astonishing I’ve ever heard of was a woman in New York from whom they removed a stuffed Paddington Bear, complete with Wellingtons, rain hat, and mack, leading one to gasp and left unable to decide if the gasp is in horror or admiration!

POSITIONS & TRICKS

32

ON TOUCHING—FIND HER RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE

I highly recommend the reading of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, by Barbara Carrellas, as it is rich with information on all aspects of sexuality, from defining the relationship between your chakras and your sex drive, to providing sexual rituals and breathing techniques, to dispelling the most common myths of BDSM, to showing you how to make sexual magic! Her book makes most discussions of sexuality look positively one-dimensional.

I often wondered how I could describe in words, to my readers, how to touch one another, especially the first time around, when reading her face is all you can do because the opportunities for discussion are yet to come. I’ve had novices ask me, but putting in words the lessons surrounding the sense of touch is not an easy task. If you are lying in bed next to your partner, she can take your hand, put it where it feels good to her and even control the fingers, emulating what she would do to yourself. “Showing” I can do and have done and will continue to do, but “telling” is a bit tougher. So when I read what Barbara had to say about the “Resilient Edge of Resistance,” I thought, “Bravo—she nailed it!”

From Urban Tantra: “When you touch the body, you want to touch deeply enough that the body pushes back just a little. If a muscle becomes rigid under your touch, you’ve gone too far. If the muscle feels flaccid, you haven’t gone far enough. Sex that is too soft is vapid; sex that is too hard is assault. We want to learn to dance on the Resilient Edge of Resistance because that’s where the real pleasure is. When we reach that level of pleasure, gateways open to even more profound discoveries and connections.”

Touching is a matter of feedback—touch first, read her reaction, adjust, touch, read her reaction, adjust—don’t forget tip #7 for your “reaction input,” and do it frequently. Ask yourself if you are someone who is capable of dancing with a woman at her Resilient Edge of Resistance or do you just kind of plow through the act of sex without incorporating the feedback signals she is giving you? For great lovers, touching is a feedback circle. Touch, measure the satisfaction she is getting—if none, try another way, if some, try a little more . . . great lovers never stop measuring their own success in bed—and they measure it by their partners’ reactions.

33

VARIETY IS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT

To tickle her brain clit, the essential ingredient is variety. Making one small change in how you make love or seduce will have a thrilling effect. If you do one thing differently than you normally do, your partner will generally find it erotic.

What follows is a series of my most recommended positions and tricks. But remember that most women are easily stimulated by variety. Remember also what you learned about touch and dancing at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Think about these things when you read the positions and tricks that follow. Some women will love them and some women will hate them and the same woman might like a particular position or action one day and abhor it another, so don’t try these until and unless you have mastered the whole business of reading her.