I walk toward Kailey, and her eyes roam over my body. She likes what she sees, and I want to get down on my knees and thank the heavens above. At least I got one thing going for me. I stand to her right, giving her space to be comforted by people that truly love her. Holly’s skin is now sun-kissed from the sun of Colorado, and she pulls Kailey toward her and holds her tightly against her. Kailey slightly breaks, and I see her back rising and falling at a rapid rate. Clyde shakes my hand and then wraps the two of them into a great big bear hug. The three of them all weep for the family they’ve lost. Feeling like the outsider that I am now, I wait patiently until they finish. Then Holly abruptly yanks me into the hug, and I wrap my own arms around her and Kailey. Before I gather what has happened, Holly slowly moves her and Clyde out of the circle, leaving me holding Kailey. As though she knew what’s going on, and she’s trying to fix it. Clyde keeps his wife at his side and eventually Kailey calms again. When her head picks up and she gathers I’m her comforting source, she straightens her back and wipes the tears from her eyes. She focuses on the group behind Holly and Clyde and walks over extending her hand.

Holly shakes her head and pushes her arm through mine, escorting me out of the parlor. I pray that between her and Clyde I’ll be back where I was forty-eight hours ago.

Chapter 18

Kailey

Trey stays for the duration of the wake. Aunt Holly and Uncle Clyde take the kids back to Jen and Caden’s, along with Caden’s parents. He silently stands by the doors, shaking hands with guests as they leave. His way with people has always amazed me. That everybody is my friend attitude warms people to him immediately, even with his outward appearance of tattoos and piercings. It was the one characteristic that first drew me to him like a moth to a flame. I remember how much he consumed my thoughts and dreams when I was still invisible to him. It’s hard to believe, he now stands there at those doors peering over to me with eyes so packed with love my heart swells from just one glance. I should have never dragged him into my life in the first place. I shouldn’t have been so selfish.

The last couple leaves and the funeral director walks into the room. Trey follows close behind him, unwilling to leave my side. God, I love that man. Forever loyal. The director informs me of tomorrow’s schedule, the time of each step. He asks about the pallbearers, and my gut sinks, realizing I never thought about it.

“It’s all taken care of. I can give you a list of names,” Trey conveys.

My astonished face stares up at him, and he places his hand on the small of my back, rubbing small circles.

“It looks like you have it all set then. Thank you. We’ll see you tomorrow at nine o’clock.” The director escorts us out of the room, shutting the doors behind him. A feeling of loneliness washes over me. The two people who were second parents to me, now lay in that room, still and empty. Trey immediately wraps his arm around me and pulls me into him. His lips brush the top of my head as he leads me out into the summer night air together.

Since Holly and Clyde took the van, Trey’s my ride home, and the fact he knows that already leaves weariness in me. We drive to the house, his hand in mine, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles like always. The comfortableness between us has me wishing things were different. I imagine that we’re on our way back from a magnificent date, where he swooned me with his sweet talk and kind gestures, instead of the reality.

The lights are on in every room when we pull up, and I’m assuming all the kids are up, most likely struggling without their normal routine. “Looks a little crazy,” Trey mentions, throwing the car in park.

“Yeah, I better get in there. Thanks for the ride and...everything,” I say, staring into my clasped hands.

“Let me help you get them calmed down and in bed?” I shake my head, trying to discourage the eagerness in his voice.

“No, I got it covered. There’s a lot of help in there.” I point to the house.

“Okay. I’ll pick you up tomorrow for the funeral.”

I shake my head again. “I’ll be fine. Thank you, though.” My fingers grasp the metal door handle, but my heart is struggling to let me actually leave. I need to make this fast, or I’ll never get the courage to do it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. But if you need—,”

“I won’t. Good night, Trey,” I whisper and quickly exit the car. I rush to the door as fast as I can, shutting it as though some stranger is chasing me.

“What the hell is that all about?” Holly asks, wiping her hands on the dishtowel. Chloe and Tara are running around, screaming and laughing. When I enter the family room, I release a relieved breath that Drew is asleep in Uncle Clyde’s arms.

“Where are Caden’s parents?” I ask, since there’s no sign of them anywhere.

“I sent them to the hotel.” Aunt Holly finishes loading the dishwasher. “And now, it’s bath time,” she pretends to chase after the girls, and they squeal up the stairs. “You,” she points to me, “stay,” she instructs and points to the couch.

Uncle Clyde gives me a tight smile, and I solemnly walk toward him, finally figuring out why Trey was my only option for a ride home tonight. I’m about to take Drew from his arms when he shakes his head and nods toward the seat on the couch. I don’t think I’ve sat down for more than five minutes all day, and I’m antsy without a child to hold or a task to complete. “Where’s Trey?” he asks casually, like he knows nothing of the break-up.

“On his way home, I assume,” I answer, fidgeting with my fingers.

“Why?” he arches his eyebrow, and I bite the inside of my cheek.

“Give it up, Uncle Clyde. I know you know.” I roll my eyes with irritation.

“Watch it, I’m still your elder,” he jokingly warns. “Stop being stubborn,” he tells me, and I curl my legs up under me on the couch. The sound of small footsteps running along the hallway has me thinking I should be up there instead of here. “Holly can take care of them,” he informs me and widens his eyes anticipating my answer.

“You know as well as I do that he doesn’t need us in his life.” Uncle Clyde and I have always had a close relationship. I still remember asking him question after question about my parents. With him being my mom’s brother, I would dig into their past growing up and my parents’ marriage. A pre-teen in the mountains of Colorado for an entire summer with no friends, can be much like a game of This Was Your Life. He always took my interrogations with ease and finesse, weaving in and out of certain topics only divulging necessary bits of information.

“True,” he nods his head with agreement. My head zips up, and his smiling face looks my way. “He doesn’t need an instant family. He just graduated, and now his girlfriend just became a guardian of three kids. Can you imagine what he must be thinking?” I’m not sure where exactly Uncle Clyde is going with this, but I remain quiet, waiting for the ‘aha’ moment. “What? That’s all I have.” He stands up and rocks Drew in his arms. “Time to get this little guy to bed.” He stands in front of me, and my vision follows him until he disappears out of my peripheral sight. “But, Kailey, remember, sometimes you want things you don’t necessarily need. From what I see, Trey definitely wants not only you, but these three kids.”

His thumping footsteps go upstairs and after ten minutes the house rests. No more little footsteps scurrying across the floor or laugher bellowing down the hall. Just silence. I turn on the television, needing the noise of distraction. Yukon Men is on, it’s a show Trey got me addicted to, and I half wonder if he’s watching it now too. Allowing myself to forget my life and live in someone else’s for just sixty minutes, I grab a pillow and lay down.