After the priest and the prayers, the mourners file out, and the family is given time to say good-bye. Kailey surprises me when she exits the room two seconds after the doors shut. The gang has the kids along the couch, Sadie feeding them graham crackers. Uncle Clyde and Aunt Holly, along with Caden’s parents, come out fifteen minutes later, and the despair in their eyes when they look at me. They’re just as confused to how Kailey could only spend a few minutes with them.

“Can you take the kids?” I ask them, and they nod their heads.

Kailey stands outside the room, talking to one of the pallbearers. Mr. Greyson comes up to her and asks if everyone has said their goodbyes, and she nods. I grab her wrist and start walking into the room again.

“Stop it, Trey, what are you doing?” She tries to wiggle out of my grip, but I hold tight. The curious eyes over my impromptu scene does nothing to waver me.

“Kailey, you’re going to face this,” I tell her and open the parlor doors and shut them behind us. She stands with her arms crossed over her chest, an indignation I’ve grown to love. I point to the caskets. “Say goodbye,” I instruct sternly, but she shakes her head, like a fucking two year old.

“I already said goodbye,” she says not even willing to glance in their direction.

I grip her hand again and force her toward the front of the room. I take the picture of Jen and Caden and shove it in her face. “You need to face this reality, Kailey,” I take both her hands in mine. “I know this hard as hell, and you’re breaking inside, but, believe me, you’ll regret it if you don’t take the time and say good-bye.”

She says nothing, her blank green eyes peer over at Jen. “No, then it’s a reality.” Finally we’re starting getting somewhere.

“I know, baby,” I gently speak, entwining our fingers and leading her over to her sister.

She surprises me when she lays her hand on the casket and closes her eyes. I start to release her hand, to give her the space she needs, but she squeezes harder. “Stay, please.” Hell, if I would ever leave her when she needs me.

I stay quiet while she whispers sweet things to her sister, and then makes her way over to Caden, telling him goodbye. After she’s done, she looks up at me and nods. It scares the hell out of me that there are no tears in her eyes, revealing that she’s still lost somewhere inside herself. I need to reach her darkness, show her our love is worth it. One step at a time I tell myself. She allows me to keep her hand in mine as we open the doors. Most everyone has departed to their cars. All the pallbearers, including my brother, who graciously filled in for me, file into the room under Mr. Greyson’s directive. Sadie and Jessa bring the kids our way, and we stand there along with family, watching the two caskets brought out on rolling carts. The gloved hands of the men resting on top, are serious and mournful, lifting the caskets into the two hearses.

The sound of the doors being shut makes Kailey’s body jolt. I place my hand on her back, and her head drops. She grabs Drew in her arms and takes Chloe’s hand in hers. I, in turn, pick up Tara, and we leave the funeral home for a long time to come, hopefully. I don’t ask, and she doesn’t say anything when I climb into the driver’s seat of the minivan.

The rest is a blur of activity. Driving to the church, Holly and Caden’s cousin’s eulogies, the cemetery and the caskets being lowered into the ground all runs together. Throughout the whole thing, Kailey doesn’t shed one tear, doesn’t release one sob. Polite and courteous as she sees the last guest out of the banquet room the university let her use. The catering crew makes the rounds of clearing dishes and glasses from the tables. Scooping up the tablecloths into balls and tossing them into baskets. Aunt Holly and Uncle Clyde have been lifesavers, taking the kids back to the house once again. She gathers her purse, and we walk out to my car without a word spoken. I open the door for her, she slides in, and I walk around to my side. I’m suddenly breaking inside that the one I love is shattered beyond my healing powers.

When we get to the house, it’s darker than last night. I’m not surprised the kids aren’t already crashed in their beds. I swallow hard, wanting desperately to beg her. Let me come in, hold you tonight, and begin this new life with you; be together and face this as a team, I can be her savior, her knight. “Thank you, Trey. Goodnight.” She hurries out of the car, just like last night.

Needing to give her some time, I back out of the driveway to return to my lonely bed, racking my brain on how I’ll convince Kailey to see what everyone else does.

Chapter 20

Kailey

It’s been two weeks since we buried Jen and Caden. Aunt Holly and Uncle Clyde are staying for the summer to help everyone get adjusted. Their help is great, since I was in the middle of summer school. Now that they’re retired they volunteered to move here permanently, or us to Colorado, but I declined the offer. Chloe still has nightmares, but they’re only a few times a week. Tara and Drew don’t completely understand, mostly asking where their mom and dad are right before bed or a nap. We’re hanging on, mostly to each other for the life support we need to carry on.

Trey stops by every day, either taking the kids to the park or just to hang out for a few hours. I try to make myself scarce, but occasionally I just sneak up to my bedroom until I hear the roar of his muffler disappear down the street. My body begs me to stay where he is, waiting for his fingers to brush against mine, to feel that electric shock, but it will just make the inevitable harder. Trey won’t be able to stay in this caged life. He should be out there living, instead of nailed down with three kids and a pseudo wife. His tenacious side is really shining, and I’m waiting for the day he doesn’t show up, the day he finally chalks it up and forgets us.

Uncle Clyde continues to do his silent encouraging, and Aunt Holly furthers her bluntness to informing me what a stubborn ass I’m being. But they don’t understand, I saw the toll it took on Caden when he took me on as well as Jen. Not to say we weren’t happy, we were, but it wasn’t easy. I can’t help thinking Caden wouldn’t have minded dating Jen without having to worry about a babysitter or a little sister tagging along. Those teenage years, when I was outspoken and downright mean. The fights we had when I disrespected Jen. I love Trey. I wish everyone would understand, I’m putting us both through hell for him.

That doesn’t mean I’m not mourning Trey in a way as well. My heart practically shatters every time I see him, my feet desperately want to disobey me and run toward him. It would be easier for me to jump into his arms and allow him to wipe away all my worries. So, I keep repeating to myself, it’s for his own good. I just wish he’d give up already because I’m starting to waiver the more he comes around.

Especially since when I came back from class this afternoon, I found suitcases by the door. “Aunt Hol,” I yell, “what’s with the suitcases?”

She doesn’t bother even turning around from the sink. “We’re going somewhere,” she says, continuing to clean the dishes.

“Where, and who is we?” I make my way to the fridge to grab a Diet Coke.

“All of us. Well, you probably won’t want to go, so you can stay here. But me, Clyde, and the kids.” She’s been giving the cold shoulder for the past week.

“Where would you be going? It’s Fourth of July, I thought we could—,”

“We’ve been invited to Trey’s family’s house. I think it would do some good for the kids to get away.”

“You can’t just take them,” I spout. She turns around and raises her eyebrows at me.

“Okay, Kailey, can we take the kids to Trey’s for the long weekend?” She sighs and purses her lips.