There is something incredibly intense about this moment, and I can feel my heart racing madly in my

chest.

“Don’t what?” Rizzo asks softly and runs a light finger along my cheek. To which my cheek reacts a

lot less than my cock. “What are you afraid of, James? That you could actually start to like me?”

I swallow, and hate myself for blushing as I stare into his eyes. I don’t know how to handle this new

Rizzo that I don’t recognize at all. Look at the rabbit, paralyzed by the cobra. “Hell, man. Do you think

I don’t know you’re only messing with me to get to Casey?”

“Casey?” Rizzo arches an eyebrow and moves back a bit in surprise, then shakes his head with a

smile. “You’ve got it all wrong, Jimmy. I’m only messing with Casey to get to you.”

Okay. That sure hit home. I step back abruptly, freeing myself of his grip, and he raises his hands in

a defensive gesture. I feel like I’ve just been slapped in the face.

“The hell?”

“For being such a smartass you catch on pretty slow sometimes.”

“Oh, come on!” This guy is unbelievable! What’s he gonna pull out of his hat next?

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t notice. Geez, James…” Rizzo laughs softly. Shakes his head, and

his eyes are smiling. “Forget Casey! It’s never been about Casey.”

“Yeah, right. That’s why you always…”

“Well, I got your attention, didn’t I?”

My jaw just drops. I don’t know what to say, what to think, what to do. I just stand there, and a

million voices in my head are buzzing like a beehive. I can’t believe that asshole is looking me straight

into the eye, taking the piss out of me. This is just another sick game of his. I know it. But damn, what a

performance.

“You’re so full of shit, Rizzo. I’ve just about had it with your crap.”

“Yeah? The thing is, I don’t think so, Foley.” He pauses, and a tiny smile curls his lips. “You wanna

know what your problem is?”

“You tell me, if you know so much about me.”

“Your problem is that you want to be with Casey, but sleep with me.”

I laugh dryly, feeling strangely numb. “Yeah, right.”

“You know it’s true.” Rizzo moves closer and nonchalantly puts his hand on my neck, pulls me

towards him with unexpected determination. Instinctively my eyelids flutter closed even before his lips

press against mine, and his tongue slides into my mouth, wet and possessively. I want to have him. I

want to take him now, hard and fast. I want him to bleed, god, how I want it. Instead, I push him away,

so violently he staggers, almost falls.

We’re both panting, our eyes dark as we stare at each other. There is a long moment of silence.

Sobering. The sound of rain falling outside fills the room entirely. I feel like being locked in an outsized

aquarium. Rizzo wipes across his mouth with the back of his hand, wincing like I hit him there.

“You’re making a mistake, James.” His soft voice is very calm now, and serious. Is he threatening

me? No. For some reason I don’t believe that. For once, he sounds honest.

What if he really told the truth? The thought rips through my anger and fills me with doubt.

“I’m not the Salvation Army, I told you that.” He takes a deep breath, still recovering from my fierce

reaction to his kiss that he clearly didn’t expect. “So what is it you want?”

Alright then, you asked for it, you bastard. To think that for one moment, I almost believed you… “I

want you to get the hell outta my place.”

Rizzo nods, and smiles flatly. For the split of a second, there’s something in his eyes… Hurt. It’s

gone when he steps closer and stares at me with a smug grin.

“I think Casey and I should have a little chat real soon.”

I let him have his cliffhanger exit, but the moment the door closes behind him I sink onto the bed.

Damn. I’m done for. He’s gonna tell Casey. I know he will. And it’s all my own fault.

Chapter 12

Prostration

JAMES: I never thought I would be grateful for a party, but tonight it means that the whole dorm’s

deserted, and that is a good thing. They’re all out, noisily having a good time at the annual “School’s

(almost) out for Summer” bash that traditionally takes place two weeks before the end of semester. It’s

basically a huge booze-up, disguised as a barbecue, with local bands playing so loudly you can’t even

hear yourself talking. But who needs to talk on such occasions anyway? All the cool people get to be

incredibly cool, and all the losers get to feel left out, when in fact everybody is just trying to get laid.

Naturally this is the event the whole campus is looking forward to all year. Thanks, but I’ll pass.

I feel unreal as I slowly walk down the corridor to my room. A hell of a frozen lump in my stomach

has been growing all day like a swelling inside. It’s like reality is collapsing on me, or maybe I haven’t

been living in reality these past few months and now I’m suddenly being tossed back without a place to

land. Casey and I have never fought before. Sure, we have our quarrels. Everybody does. He gets all

grumpy when he is mad at me. It’s kinda cute. But what happened this morning was different. Painfully

real. And final. Like something important was broken that can never be mended.

“Is it true?” he asked when he came into my room, and I knew what he meant the moment I saw his

face, even before he continued. “Is it true what Danny says? That you slept with him?”

Damn that bastard Rizzo. I knew he would do this. Just like he’d been planning it all along. Casey

looked so hurt. I swallowed hard, trying to speak but unable to for a long, awkward moment. “What

exactly did he tell you?”

“He says that you came to his room last week. And that you’d been trying to hit on him all

semester.”

“That lying son of a bitch,” I hissed through clenched teeth, more to myself. But Casey heard, and he

came closer.

“It’s not true then? I didn’t want to believe it, but…” He trailed off and a small, embarrassed smile

hovered on his lips. As he looked at me, the smile faded. “James? There was nothing between Danny

and you, was there? Nothing at all?”

I should have lied. I know I should have. But I couldn’t. I just stood there with hanging arms, and

the expression on my face must have said it all.

Casey inhaled sharply. He turned his head away quickly. “You should have said something. You

should have told me, James.” No argument, no accusations. Nothing. He just stood there, clearly

shocked, and still far too composed. As though it hadn’t quite hit him yet. Then he glanced at me, and I

could see tears in his eyes.

It hurt like hell to see him like this. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. That I was an idiot and he had

every right to hate me. But all I got out was a very lame “Casey…”

“So that’s why you said Danny wouldn’t be good for me. I get it now.” Casey shook his head, and

that painful, bitter smile felt like a kick in the gut. “God, you must think I’m so stupid.”

“What? No! No, Casey, listen…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend anymore.” He had this incredible dignity about him as he

simply turned around and walked to the door.

“Casey, wait!” I followed quickly and pushed the half-open door shut again. I needed him to know,

to understand… “There’s something I need to tell you. Something important.”

Casey stopped, his hand still on the door-handle. All the warmth had left his kind face. “Well, that’s

too bad, James, ‘cause I don’t wanna hear it.”

He opened the door again and stepped out of the room, slamming the door shut in my face. I could

still hear the icy, hollow sound minutes later.

***

So, yeah, I guess I screwed up good and proper. I don’t blame Casey for hating me. I don’t even blame