deep down. “Well, hell. I’m not nice, Mills.” He exhaled smoke through his nostrils. “I’m anything

but.”

“That’s what you like to think,” I replied stubbornly.

His dark eyes were resting on me with a mixture of amusement and disbelief. I just wanted to kiss

him again. I just… wanted. Whatever it was he was trying to tell me, I didn’t want to hear. His

expression changed to something distant and cold. Danny took a step closer, and there was something

threatening about it.

“You wanted to know what I did to James. But your question should be, what did I do to you?”

I stared at him, trying to make sense of his words. It was the look in his eyes, that merciless stare,

that finally made me understand. And the penny finally dropped. It hit me hard, hard like a kick in the

guts. The realization that he didn’t really want me was harsh, but at the same time, I wasn’t even that

surprised. “You played me, didn’t you?”

He tilted his head to the side and blew smoke into my face, waiting for me to say more.

“You got me to like you. You tricked me into thinking that you liked me too.”

“And why did I do that, Casey dearest?”

The feeling of hurt and humiliation was so intense that I didn’t think I could say another word. But I

did. “Is this about James?”

He smiled one of those killer smiles of his, but his eyes remained cold. “For god’s sake, Mills,

you’re slow. Now think again, and tell me why I brought you here.”

I don’t know where it came from, but the anger that came over me was so sudden and so

frighteningly deep. I took a step towards him, and now we were only inches apart. I was positively

seething. “You! You tried to drive us apart! You like James, that’s the reason behind it all!”

Danny was laughing. “Oh, this is too good. I wish I had a camera.”

That’s when my fist clenched and I took at swing at him, aiming for his face.

* * *

Well, I didn’t manage to hit him. He was too quick for that. But still, I feel horrible. Ashamed. I hate

violence. I don’t hit people. I never hit anyone in my life. And he looked like he was going to beat my

ass from here to eternity. Rizzo is taller than me and way better built. He could have beaten the crap out

of me. But he never did. So why didn’t he? If he hates me so much, why not take the opportunity? And

he must hate me, mustn’t he, to play me, to use me like that.

I can’t believe I fell for it. That I fell for him. That he managed to get under my skin, he even made

me question my sexual orientation. And now everything’s more confusing and complicated than ever.

James tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. Everything is my fault. I don’t blame James anymore, not for

one second, for sleeping with Rizzo - if he even did. It hurt, but it didn’t hurt my feelings as much as it

should have. And that’s the odd part.

I roll out of bed, and rub my face with my hands as I step to the window. How could I let things get

so messed up? I am a horrible person. I guess there is only one explanation for why Rizzo did what he

did to me. He sees me as competition, isn’t that what he said? But wouldn’t that mean that he actually

believes that James likes me?

Oh shit.

That look on James’ face when he hit Rizzo last night. He told him to stay away from me. God. I

guess I really am kind of slow when it comes to these things. James may not be interested in Rizzo after

all. Whatever happened between them, that was Rizzo’s doing. I can see it now. Now that I know what

he’s capable of. And the only reason Rizzo ever told me that something had happened between them

was to get me to be mad at James. And I was. I was hurt. Because James, my James, would never do

anything like that to me.

James. My James. My wonderful, strange, amazing James. Whom I know so well, and who knows

me better than anyone. I get a warm feeling just thinking of him, and my heartbeat suddenly accelerates.

Is it true? Is James actually in love with me? Was that nagging suspicion I’ve had all this time right after

all? I can’t believe it. All this time, there was someone who truly cared about me, who was always there

for me. And I didn’t see.

I close my eyes, and think of our truth-or-dare kiss. And once more, I get goosebumps at the

thought. His lips so soft on mine. Careful and sweet, like you’d never think he would be. There’s a

yearning, a yearning to be near him. My heart beats even faster. Are my feelings for James perhaps

deeper than I was aware of? Now my pulse is positively racing, and I’m feeling all flushed.

Oh my god. How could I have been so blind? How could I not realize what he really means to me? I

love him for being my best friend, and I love him for being James. For all the things he is, and for all

the things he isn’t. I love him. And I am in love with him.

The sudden rush of excitement and happiness is overwhelming. My James. My wonderful James.

There’s no ignoring it anymore. Casey Mills, most clueless being of clueless beings, has seen the light.

And now I know what I have to do.

Chapter 14

After The Rain

JAMES: Ouch. Ow ow ow. Double ow. Mental note: Never ever drink booze again. Least of all with

Anna. I’m lying curled up in fetal position underneath the covers. Every inch and fiber of my body feels

sore. The world’s worst headache ever is pounding in my head. I carefully open my eyes and

immediately squeeze them shut again. Ow. Even the frail sunlight breaking through the scattering

clouds is murderous. There’s a foul taste in my mouth. All in all I pretty much feel like I’ve been

chewed, swallowed, choked on and spat out. No wonder. God knows I drank enough alcohol last night

to send even Godzilla into a happy little coma. But wait, I dimly remember hanging over the toilet and

puking my guts out at some point, which must have gotten most of that shit out of my system. Anna was

here, I remember now. She made sure I got rid of my wet clothes and got into bed right away. She

stayed for a while. I don’t remember when she left. Awkward.

For a long time I can’t bring myself to move, and when I finally sit up it takes all my willpower to

do so. Maybe a brutally icy shower will help me feel like something resembling a human being again,

and with much effort I decide to give it a shot.

***

I’m clad in nothing but a large, soft towel when I return to my room some fifteen minutes later. Cold

water is dripping from my hair, running down my back in small trickles. My mind is still in a bit of a

daze, and everything I do takes me about twice as long as usual. To sleep, perchance to dream… I have

only just sunk down on my bed again, trying to decide whether to get dressed or maybe curl up

underneath the covers again, when someone raps against my door. Anna?

“What?” I answer grumpily, and sigh deeply when the door opens and Rizzo steps inside. Sure. Who

else would it be but the one person on this planet I really, really don’t want to see?

A strange, small smile warms his features when he sees me sitting there like the picture of misery. I

notice a dark spot of scab in the corner of his mouth where I hit him. I hope it still hurts. Isn’t he going

to say anything?

He leans against the door, closing it softly with the weight of his body. Continues to look at me in

that strange, irritating way. He doesn’t look like he is mad at me, which is odd.

“You always this cute in the morning?” he finally grins.

Okay, three giant question-marks and a very unbelieving “huh?” here. “Why don’t you piss off and

get hit by a truck or something,” I reply weakly and raise my middle finger in an unmistakable gesture.