Rizzo chuckles. “Good. You’re still your old warmhearted, endearing self. I was worried for a

moment.”

I just roll my eyes in response. Slowly he comes over to me and sits down on the bed beside me. Bit

close for my taste. Our arms touch, and I would like to smack him if I could just find the energy.

For a long moment we sit in silence and he looks at my hands resting in my lap.

“There was nothing between Casey and me,” he finally breaks the awkward silence. “We just made

out a little.”

Okay, stop, rewind. I think I’m finally awake. He is kidding, right?

“You mean you didn’t…?” I ask tonelessly, still trying to process the information.

He makes a face, but laughs softly, and somehow it sounds relieved. Like he is the one who needs to

be relieved about it.

Wow. I don’t know what to say. Or what to think even. This is good news, right? “Geez.” I look at

Rizzo, frowning. Not sure if I should be happy… suspicious… amazed? “Why are you telling me this?”

The fathomless orbs are shockingly warm and serious when he looks at me. “Because I’m an idiot,”

he says quietly.

In that moment, I suddenly understand. It hits me with the subtlety of a freight train. I guess Rizzo

couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go through with it. And I’m the reason for that, am I not?

Jesus. I don’t even know what to think of it, but my heart starts to gallop in my chest. Screwed up.

This is really, incredibly, totally screwed up. I open my mouth to speak twice, but can’t find anything to

say.

“I do believe you are,” I finally say, a smile in my voice that I have no idea where it came from.

“Look, James…” He looks away. “What I did, I didn’t mean to…”

“Wait - Are you about to apologize?”

He gives me a look.

“‘Cause if you are, let me get a camcorder for this historical occasion.”

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips. There’s that sparkle

in his eyes again, that’s so very hard to resist. “James…” he just says then, and there is so much emotion

in that one little word, in the way he says my name, that there is really no need to continue.

He tried to tell me before, didn’t he? And I wouldn’t listen. All the time when I was sure that he was

playing some really messed up game with me, he was being honest. I’ve never seen him so selfconscious

before, so vulnerable. And I realize that this here is the real Danny Rizzo, this is the side of

him he hides from the world. And I wonder how on earth I of all people get to be the one to see.

“Oh damn…”

Our eyes lock, and for a perfect moment, there is complete understanding. I really don’t know why I

dismissed it before, this special warm light in his eyes when he looks at me that’s never there when he

looks at anyone else. The realization comes naturally, unspectacularly, that I probably never hated him.

My god. I just thought I did, because it was the obvious thing to do.

“You know what I really want, James? For you to get together with Mills and realize that he can’t

give you what you need.” There is an honest passion in his words.

“And what do I need, in your valued opinion?” Out of habit, my words are dripping with sarcasm.

Instead of answering the question, Rizzo takes my left arm by the wrist and lifts it from my lap.

Forcing me to look at the bizarre pattern of thin white lines on my forearm, old scars that cover my skin.

Defiantly I stare into his eyes as he speaks again, almost angrily.

“What do you tell him when he asks about these? Was it all an ‘accident’?”

I violently pull my arm out of his grip, my cheeks flushed from burning shame and humiliation. But

Rizzo is only just getting started.

“Did he ever ask? Did he? Do you think he even wants to know if you did this to yourself, or if

someone else did?” He shakes his head. “Damn, James. He doesn’t even know who you are.”

“But you do, right?” I ask bitterly, and unconsciously my hands turn to fists.

“I know enough to freak you out, don’t I?” His eyes are filled with challenge as he stares at me.

“Does it make you angry? Do you want to hit me again? Yeah? Come on! I’m right here.”

I am that close to doing it, to smashing my fist into his face. But when I lift my hand, to my own

surprise, I grab him and pull him close instead. Our lips meet fiercely and Rizzo gives a small moan of

pain and pleasure when a trace of salty blood comes from his small wound and mingles on our tongues.

I close my eyes, my heart is beating madly. He kisses me deeply, holds me firmly, not about to let me

go. And suddenly I want nothing more than for him to understand. And I know that I’ve reached a

turning point. I did my best and uttermost to hide them, my dark secrets, all my life. But in this moment,

I want him to know everything.

Rizzo seems to sense this somehow. Instead of gaining intensity, the kiss takes an unexpected turn,

slows down, becomes playful, and finally… soft. Tender. And it breaks my heart.

It’s Rizzo who finally breaks the kiss, and his fingers linger on my cheek for a moment as his

amazingly warm eyes search mine for a clue, anything to hold on to or work with. Then he gently leans

his forehead against mine.

“He’d never understand, not the way I do,” he says softly, thoughtfully, and I nod.

“I know.” But I still love Casey, Rizzo. I can’t change that. I want him, and need you, you were

right. You were right all along.

Rizzo almost smiles, as if he read my mind again. “God, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

We both laugh softly, and I shrug helplessly. I can’t tear my eyes away from his beautiful face.

There’s a knock on the door and we both turn our heads. Wow. This is unexpected. It’s Casey. I

know it from the way he knocks, two times short, two long. Just one of the many secret codes we have.

“Come in,” I answer, and beside me Rizzo shifts uncomfortably, as if he wants to move away from

my side, but can’t.

When Casey steps into the room, his presence is like a breath of fresh air flooding in. He is wearing

dark, tight denim and a simple black T-shirt, and his short hair is tousled, the way I like it. His eyes

immediately focus on Rizzo, clear and alert.

“What are you doing here?” Casey asks with a cool authority that surprises me.

Rizzo shrugs nonchalantly and flashes a cheeky grin. “It’s a free country.”

“I asked you to leave us alone.” There is a dangerous edge to his calm voice, and he takes a step

closer to the bed.

Whoa, Casey! I stare at him, totally perplexed by the sudden confidence he seems to radiate. They

stare at each other. If looks could kill, I swear they would both drop dead any moment.

Finally, Rizzo raises his hands in a nonchalant gesture. “Whatever.” Glancing at me, he gets up,

gives me a little mischievous smile and a wink. “See you later, Jimmy.”

I can only nod, and watch as he saunters to the door, not without deliberately bumping against Casey

with his shoulder as he passes him on the way out. Casey cringes slightly, but doesn’t move an inch.

The door closes, and we are alone.

Chapter 15

Icarus

JAMES: Casey just stands there for a long moment in the middle of my room, looking at me. My head

lowered, I gaze up at him nervously, not knowing what to expect or think. If I had one wish right now, I

guess I’d simply turn back time and make sure to never hurt him. I never wanted that. But somewhere

along this crazy ride, I must have lost sight of what I wanted and what I didn’t.

I know I should finally apologize, or try to explain, but I can’t find anything to say. I just feel so