about something and it makes me smile. It’s a breezy day, the

clouds heavy. It isn’t snowing yet, but it probably will be by the

end of the day.

I’m halfway down the driveway, eager to get away from the

house for a while, when the door to the house swings open and

Jackson walks out.

His brown hair is damp and he has on a heavy green coat,

jeans, and a pair of boots with the laces undone and dragging in

the snow. “Hey, I need to talk to you.” He trots down the steps,

trailing his hand down the railing.

I slow down and wait for him near the stairway, drawing the

hood of my coat over my head and tucking my hands into my

pockets. “About what?”

He halts on the bottom step and I crane my neck to look up

at him. “About your loyalty to this family,” he says.

The icy breeze pinches my cheeks. “I am already loyal to this

family.”

He shakes his head and targets his finger at Luke’s rusty

1980s Chevy truck parked at the end of the driveway. “Not if you’re

hanging out with him.”

“With Luke?”

“With Kayden’s best friend.”

I start to walk away, but his fingers snag my arm and he

stabs his nails aggressively into the fabric of my coat as he

wrenches me back toward him. “You know he was there that

night?” he growls. “Luke was, when Kayden beat up Caleb and he

didn’t even try to stop him.”

I jerk my arm, but he constricts his grip. “Jackson, let go of

me.” I bend my elbow and twist my arm again and jerk on it, but

he won’t let me go. “Please, you’re hurting me.”

His eyes are as icy as the snow beneath my feet and his

fingers unwrap from my arm. I stumble to the side and press my

hand to the side of the house to get my footing. “I’ve been best

friends with Caleb since I was six, Callie, and you used to be friends with him too.”

I back down the driveway away from him, shaking from the

confrontation. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“You never want to talk about anything, Callie.” He bends his

knee and steps up to the next stair without turning around. “You

just shut down and go to your own weird little place.”

“Because I have to!” I whirl around and sprint down the

driveway. That weird little place he’s referring to is more of a home than this place will ever be. This place holds memories that stab at

me every time I step foot inside it.

I hop into the truck and the warm air flowing out the vents

comforts me. I climb over Seth’s lap, because he refuses to “sit

bitch” and I settle in the middle. Once I’m situated and my seat

belt’s buckled, Luke shoves the truck into reverse and backs down

the driveway. My brother is standing at the top of the stairs,

watching us with his hands in his pockets.

“What’s his deal?” Seth asks, nodding his head at Jackson.

“He’s upset about stuff.” I position my hands in front of the

heater vent to warm them up. I can feel Luke and Seth’s eyes on

me, but I don’t want to look at them. With my head hung low, I

breathe through my nose to force back the hot tears wanting to

spill out.

The truck bumps up and down as Luke floors it over the

small snowbank at the end of the driveway, and then he rams it

into drive and we’re speeding down the snowy road. The radio

plays peacefully in the background and the engine makes these

clinking noises. Halfway across town, Seth and Luke take out their

cigarettes and crack the windows so they can smoke. It’s chilly and

smoky and my head is falling into a very dark place.

I wish I could do it. I wish I could walk into the house, when

my mother and father and Jackson are all sitting down at the table.

I’d have a loud voice, not a shaky one, and I’d finally tell them.

They would hug me, comfort me, and tell me that it was all going

to be okay.

But I know that’s not how it would go. It’s been six years

since it happened and each year I spend in the shadows of silence

is another weight added to my shoulder. It makes it harder to tell

the truth and time makes it harder for people to understand.

Seth and Luke flick their cigarettes out the window as we

turn into Luke’s driveway. Flakes of gray ash blow back into the

cab and land on my clothes. I’ve seen his house before, when my

mother was driving me to school, but I’ve never actually been

there, nor do I know much about his mother and father, other than

that they got divorced when he was young. It’s a smaller home,

with green siding in desperate need of a paint job. There is a few

feet of snow in the yard and a tree in the center near a salted

pathway that leads up to the front porch.

Luke shoves the truck into park and turns the key, silencing

the engine. He stares at his house as he removes the key from the

ignition and stuffs it into the pocket of his black hoodie. “My

mom’s not here,” he explains. “And I suggest we leave here before

she comes back.”

“What exactly are we doing here?” Seth wonders as he

pushes his thumb on the buckle to unlock his seat belt. Then

pushes the button on mine, releasing my waist from the strap.

“We’re making a plan,” he states with a pensive look on his

face as he rubs his hand across his cropped brown hair.

Seth and I trade a look. “A plan?” we say simultaneously.

“To get out of this place.” He flips the handle and pushes the

door open. “I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of being here. It’s

depressing.”

“We’re would we go?” I wonder as Seth opens the truck door

and hops out into the light layer of frost covering the slender

driveway.

Luke jumps out and looks back into the cab at me with his

hand resting on top of the door. “Anywhere but here.”

I glance at his house, wondering what’s so bad about it. I

scoot across the seat toward the open door where Seth is waiting

for me with his hand extended for me to take. “Any exact ideas of

where we’d go?” Slipping my fingers into his, I jump out and slip

on the ice, but Seth catches me by the arm and saves me from a

very painful fall.

“Somewhere cheap,” Seth says as he helps me get my

balance. “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty much broke after

buying all those Christmas presents.”

“I still can’t believe you bought all your Christmas presents

from the Quickie Mart,” I tell him as he slams the door. I fiddle with the fifty-cent machine bracelet he gave me that has a gold teddy

bear charm on it to remind me of “better times” he told me when

he gave it to me. He was referring to the carnival where Kayden